Mar 4, 2016

Justin Bieber: Definitely Gay

Former teen idol and contemporary pop star Justin Bieber is gay.

I wouldn't dare say a bad word about him.  Millions of his fans, nicknamed Beliebers, lash out against anyone who casts any aspersions on the talent, personality, or hotness of their idol, as Patrick Carney, drummer for the band Black Keys, discovered in 2013.

But if they don't think that being Jewish is bad, they won't mind if I say he is Jewish, even if I happen to be mistaken.

So surely they don't think being gay is bad, so they won't mind if I say:


Even if I happen to be mistaken.

Bieber himself certainly wouldn't mind. By all accounts, he's completely nonchalant about sexual orientation.  And religion.

No one can dispute the spectacular rise of the teen idol.  Born in London, Ontario, Canada on March 1, 1994, he began by posting videos on youtube.  This led to his discovery by talent agent Scooter Braun in 2008, and his first album, My World, in 2009.  It went platinum.

Several other albums followed, all top-sellers.  In the last 3 1/2 years, Justin has released several other albums, all top-sellers.  He has won 90 music awards.  He has 45 million Twitter followers.

Of course, anyone who rises to such spectacular fame so quickly is bound to make enemies, and Justin has lots, whole websites devoted to trashing him.  One enemy tried to kill him in a Toronto nightclub last August.

My evidence that he is gay or gay-friendly.

Or maybe just a heterosexual who is not homophobic.

1. Some of his songs are unremittingly heterosexist: "Boyfriend, boyfriend, I could be your boyfriend."

But most are not, suggesting that he recognizes all types of love as valid:

I was a player when I was little, but I'm bigger.
I'm overboard, and I need your love to pull me up.

2. He has a superheroic sexual energy.  Fans and enemies alike enjoy counting the instances where he is aroused on stage.  All the time, apparently.

3. If you google "Justin Bieber Gay," you get 109,000,000 hits.  But if you google "Justin Bieber Homophobic," you only get 479,000.

4. He supports the It Gets Better Project, dedicated to preventing the suicide of LGBT teenagers.

5. He is an evangelical Christian.

6. He said that sexual orientation is "a choice." (Ok, that's homophobic.)

7. He and his girlfriend Selena Gomez partied at gay clubs.

8. He hangs out with gay male friends.

Any questions?

You can see the famous Bieber penis on Tales of West Hollywood.