Feb 29, 2016

Getting Spanked at the Oscars

I had a friend in West Hollywood, Larry, who had a very nice house in the heart of Old Hollywood, walking distance to Mann's Chinese Theater, and every year he held an Oscar party for 20 or 30 gay men.

We had to mark little ballots about who we thought would win Best Picture, Best Actor, Best Costume, and so on, and the one who got the most categories right won a prize-- a nude photo of Yul Brynner (bisexual star of The King and I), an anatomically correct Oscar statue, or a camp music album like The Odd Couple Sings.

If you got too many categories wrong, you got a spanking, bare butt, one slap on one cheek, by each of the other guests in turn.

The problem is, except for blockbuster science fiction, I saw only movies with gay characters, a promise of gay subtexts, or significant beefcake, so my knowledge was limited.  Check the best picture nominees that I had actually seen at the time of the Oscars.  And my spankings.

Larry's House
1988: None of the nominees. Winner: The Last Emperor. Spanking

1989: I was in Turkey.

1990: None of the nominees. Winner: Driving Miss Daisy. 

1991: Ghost (which I thought would be paranormal) and Goodfellas. Winner: Dances with Wolves. 

1992: Bugsy and JFK. Winner: Silence of the Lambs.

1993: Howard's End and The Crying Game. Winner: Unforgiven.

1994: The Fugitive.  Winner: Schindler's List. Spanking

1995: I didn't go.

1996: None. Winner: Braveheart. Spanking.

1997: Fargo.  Winner: The English Patient. Spanking

1998 and 1999: I was in New York.

2000: Larry didn't do it, but another guy hosted. None  Winner: Shakespeare in Love. 

2001-2004 I didn't go.

2005: Finding Neverland. Winner: Million Dollar Baby.

4 spankings in 11 Oscar parties!

It wasn't all bad.  Some of the guys turned the spanking into a grope, and by the end of the evening I usually had a few telephone numbers.

But still, either I have to start watching more heterosexual dramas, or Hollywood has to start nominating more movies with gay content.

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