Apr 15, 2014

15 Public Penises of London

I haven't spent a lot of time in London, but you can't miss its obsession with monuments.  There are hundreds of them, memorializing nearly every famous and semi-famous person in the world, including Queen Victoria (a lot), Admiral Nelson, Charlie Chaplain, Alfred Hitchcock, John Wesley, Ronald Reagan, and Peter Pan (twice)  Plus window washers, roller skaters, Greek gods, animals, and intangible concepts.

Most they tend to be fully clothed and rather dour-looking, but there is a bit of whimsy, and plenty of nude, muscular male forms for the connoisseur of beefcake.  Here are the top 15:

1. The Wellington Monument in Hyde Park, featuring a muscular, naked Achilles in black bronze.

2.-3. Two ten-foot tall statues of football star and underwear model David Beckham (left), ginormous bulge intact, outside the H&M Store on Regent Street (they've probably been moved inside by now).

4. David Wynne's Boy with a Dolphin in Chelsea, the nude boy barely hanging on during his wild ride.

5. Jeté, by Enzo Plazotta, in Millbank (left).  Dancer David Wall was used as a model.

6.-7. Four allegorical nudes on the facade of the Adelphi Building, two male: Contemplation and Inspiration.  (The females, by the way, are Dawn and Night.)

8. The naked art deco guy on the Vue Cinema, Leicester Square (he's up on the top, so you have to crane your neck to see him).'

9. Another naked boy with dolphin in a Hyde Park fountain, but this one is quite muscular, and seems to be beating up the poor dolphin.

More after the break.

10. Phoebus Driving the Chariot of the Sun, by Sir Bertram Mackennal, on the facade of Australian House, on Fleet Street.

11. The Boy David at the end of Picadilly, rather a jaunty sort, with the head of Goliath at his feet.  He's dedicated to the memory of the members of the Machine Gun Corps who died during World War I.

12. Break the Wall of Distrust.  Ok, he's not completely naked, but he's built, and he's breaking down an actual wall.  On Cannon Street, near St. Paul's Cathedral.

13. The nude Horse and Rider by Elizabeth Frink is actually in Hampshire, south of London.

14. Rush of Green, in Knightsbridge, depicts a naked family being drawn to nature by the enchantment of the Greek god Pan.  Doesn't it look like the Devil is leading them to their doom?

15. You have to go inside to see Samson Slaying a Philistine, nowadays often called the nicer Samson and the Philistine, by Giambologna.  It's in the Victoria and Albert Museum.  Notice the risque placement of the penis.

And I haven't even gotten to Manchester.

See also the public penises of Paris, Prague, and Finland.