May 3, 2018

10 Gay Reasons to Visit Malta

Malta is one of the smallest countries in the world, 122 square miles (smaller than Philadelphia), and one of the more isolated, but you can fly there from Paris (3 hours) or Athens (2 hours), or take the ferry from Sicily (5 hours).

And it's worth the trip. Here are the top 10 reasons to visit.

1. It's got some of the most stunning natural scenery in the world, including the Speedo-clad men on the beach at Mellieħa Bay

2. .  You can also look for the "nude beach" at Gnejna Bay.

3. It's got towns that sound vaguely dirty, like Xgharja, Marsaxjokk, and Ghawdex.  Wouldn't you love to tell all of your friends, "I was in Marsaxjokk last month."

4. The Maltese language is an archaic version of Arabic with an Italian vocabulary, and written in Roman script.  So it looks and sounds like nothing else on Earth:

Aħna marru għall-bajja u mbagħad għall-mużew li tħares lejn l-irġiel mikxufa

(We went to the beach and then to the museum to look at naked men.)

5.  The national obsessions are wrestling and soccer.

6. You can visit the Casa Lanfreducci, one of the headquarters of the Sovereign Military Order of Malta, a Catholic religious order, claims to be the real smallest country in the world, with just a few buildings in Malta, Rome, and Britain.  It has permanent observer status at the U.N. and issues passports for its diplomats.

7. The National Museum of Art is a beefcake paradise (check out Cain Murdering Abel).  But the National Museum of Archaeology seems to specialize in Neolithic female fertility figures.

8. There are nearly as many public penises as in Prague. In 2004, President Guido de Marco unveiled this new statue of Aeneas at the Lower Barraca Gardens, a very well-endowed gift from the people of Italy.

9. Malta has same-sex civil unions, adoption, and anti-discrimination laws.  60% of the population supports gay marriage.

10. There are a couple of gay bars, but most of the gay social activity occurs at private parties. This summer there's a Gay Pride Party (July 5th), two NaviGAYt Boat Parties (July 13th and August 24th), the Bordello Foam Party (August 9th), and the End of Summer Party (Aug 6th).

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