May 1, 2018

Top 12 Public Penises of Spain

Spain is my favorite country in Europe.  Interesting cultural and archaeological sites, multiple languages, vibrant gay culture, and the cutest men this side of Estonia.  And an extraordinary amount of beefcake art.

Here are the top 12 public penises of Spain:

1. Barcelona, on the east coast, was the capital of a separate country for many years.  They speak Catalan, and aren't shy about reprimanding you for trying to speak Spanish.  It's got the best bath house in Spain, the Picasso Museum, the Gaudi Church of La Sagrada Familia, las Ramblas... and this naked conqueror in the Comandancia.

2. Not to mention a nude Adam in Parque de Cervantes.

3. Zaragosa, about 80 minutes by train, is an ancient city on the Ebro River, the capital of Aragon.  Not a lot of gay venues, but many historic churches, and the Palacio de la Aljaferia.   And the ultra modern Atleta Moderno, "The Modern Athlete," in the museum devoted to the works of sculptor Paul Gargallo.

4. The Monumento a Jinete is almost identical, except the rider has a classical Greek look, and he's nearly naked.

5. Madrid, the capital, is about 90 minutes from Zaragosa by train.  I find it a rather confusing city, hard to negotiate, but you can't miss the Prado, the Museo Arquelogico Nacional, the Palacio Real..

And the 20 gay bath houses!

If you have any time leftover, go to the Parque del Buen Retiro, one of the largest city parks in the world (formerly the private park of the royal family).  With this gigantic monument to King Alfonso XII.

6. Also in the Buen Retiro, an extremely muscular Fallen Angel atop the Fuente del Angel Caido (The Fountain of the Fallen Angel).

7. A lot of things fall from the sky in Madrid.  Here is a nude Icarus landing on his head, the work of Miguel Angel Ruiz.

More after the break.

8. This massive granite muscleman, hand covering penis, sits outside an ultra-modern skyscraper called the Torre Espacio.

Cordoba, about two hours from Madrid by train, is the heart of Andalucia, the home of gay poet Federico Garcia Lorca.  No beefcake art, but visit the Alhambra, the famous Moorish palace.

9. The best way to get to Archidona is by car (an hour from Cordoba).  It's a beautiful old town in the mountains, with this explicitly bulging statue.  It's a monument to the Jornalero, or Day Laborer.

10. Cadiz, on the western coast, is about 2 hours by car from Archidona, with an excellent archaeological museum, the Plaza de las Flores, and this massive Hercules.

11. Huelva, about two hours up the coast from Cadiz, has some interesting old houses, a monument to Christopher Columbus, and a passion for futbol (soccer).

At the entrance to the city, a statue of a naked Apollo is kicking a soccer ball, the work of German Alberto Franco.

A spotlight illuminates his penis at night.

12. There's another Hercules in Seville, about an hour by Huelva by car.  This one is fully naked. But  Seville is also noteworthy for its massive cathedral, the Museo de Bellas Artes, and the Nordik Sauna Masculina, which specializes in bears.

See also: Yuri and I Search for the World's Biggest Penis.


  1. You ever think all of Spain's nude statues might be to contrast themselves with the Moors?

    Also, what are K's doing in Spanish now? Bad enough to have hack become a Spanish word. The K's are hacking Spanish. K is the Missingno. of Romance languages.

  2. I've seen people text "k" to mean "que."


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