Apr 21, 2015

10 Easy Steps to Getting Any Guy

We've all had this problem:

You see the Man of Your Dreams at the gym or sitting by the pool, or at a cruise bar, standing by himself and glaring out at the world.  Physical perfection!  Exactly your type!  But when you try to make eye contact, you get cold, deadly Attitude.













Or he with a group of friends, so lively and animated that he brightens the room.  But when you go over and introduce yourself, he gives you a quick, dismissive "howsitgoing?" before turning away forever.

Chances are you'll move on, embarrassed, sad, angry, wondering "What's wrong with me?"    Maybe you'll latch on to the nearest guy to boost your self-esteem.

Don't.  Keep trying.

In 30 years of cruising and dating, I have not yet met a guy who was not available.



Literally.  Every guy who is gay, single, and over 18  is available.  Sometimes they just take a little work.


The key is to work on them without seeming obnoxious or desperate.

If you are interested in a hookup (not a romance).

1. It will take several weeks, so find some way to see him regularly.

2. Watch him for a few nights, noting how he interacts with other guys.  This will give you an idea why he rejected you.

3.  I was tired, not in the mood, or interested in someone else. Simply approach again.

4. You were too aggressive or not aggressive enough, too physical or not physical enough.  Modify your technique and approach again.

5. You look like you're into sexual acts that I wouldn't enjoy.  I get this one all the time.  Approach and complain about how hard it is to find a top, or a bottom, or someone who is just into cuddling.

6. You're not the type I usually find attractive.  This is the most common reason for rejection.  It requires you to convince him that he actually does find you attractive.

7. Return with a wingman -- guys feel less threatened when they are approached by a pair.


8. Have your wingman play up the qualities that he will find attractive.  Physical (exceptional beneath-the-belt gifts), social (maybe you're both recovering fundamentalists), or intellectual (maybe you speak five languages).

9. Approach him on another night, and seal the deal.

10. If he still rejects you, introduce him to a guy who is his type, and include yourself in the bargain.  Few guys will turn down a chance to go home with a muscle god, even if it means sharing with the unattractive friend,





If you are interested in romance (not a hookup):

1. This will also take several weeks.

2. As with the hookup, watch him interact with other guys.  Determine the reason he rejected you.

3.  I was tired, not in the mood, or interested in someone else. Simply approach again.

4. You were too aggressive or not aggressive enough, too physical or not physical enough.  Modify your technique and approach again.

5. I just got out of a bad relationship, or I'm not ready for a relationship.  Pretend that you just want a casual hookup.

6. I want a relationship, and you acted like you wanted a hookup.  Approach with a wingman, with whom you will discuss your romantic inclinations.


7. You're not the type I usually find attractive.  This requires a different approach than with a hookup.  Make friends with one of his friends and casually find out about his social, political, and intellectual interests.

8.  Develop a sudden interest in golf, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Italian opera.

9. Soon you will find yourself set up on a date with him, without ever asking.

10.  If that doesn't work, you may have to settle for a hookup only.  But who knows?  Hookups often develop into something more.

This only works if he's gay.  If he's straight, see 15 Simple Rules for Cruising Straight Guys.

See also: 10 Guys Who Got Away.