Oct 21, 2015

My Top Sausage Sightings

A Sausage Sighting is a glimpse of a guy's beneath-the-belt gifts that doesn't go anywhere else -- no dating, no romance, no hooking up, not even a few minutes in the dark room at the Duplex Bar in Paris.

Sometimes just looking is enough -- a good sausage sighting can be more memorable than a dozen nights of passion, especially when it's unexpected.

You can't count glimpses of strangers in the locker room or at the urinal, or actors getting excited during movie love scenes.  It's only a valid Sausage Sighting if you know the guy, if he's a relative, friend, co-worker, or acquaintance.
I'll use the same scale as in my Sausage List (the list of gigantic endowments belonging to guys I actually dated):

Bratwurst: memorable.
Kielbasa: super-sized.
Mortadella: the stuff of dreams.
Kovbasa: Are you kidding?


Childhood

1. Cousin Joe. When I was 7 1/2 years old, we stayed with my Aunt Nora, and I caught a glimpse of Cousin Joe's Kielbasa+ in the bathroom. It was the first I ever saw --many later ones were disappointingly small by comparison. Kovbasa, probably.


2. The Sanderson Brothers, a gospel group that worked as counselors at Nazarene summer camp. I got to see one of them relieving himself. Kielbasa.

3. Brother Dino, my Sunday school teacher, and also a counselor at Nazarene summer camp when I was in junior high. I saw him taking a shower. Easily a Mortadella.


4. Verne, the preacher's son. We "dated" in eleventh grade. We didn't identify the relationship as romantic, and nothing physical happened, but I did see him nude. Bratwurst.


The uncensored list is on Tales of West Hollywood.