16 Florida Beach Boys
1. A small, constrained, concentrated gay neighborhood where you could walk anywhere.
2. Surrounded by homophobia
3. Ungodly hot.
4. Full of tourists.
5. And jobs that went nowhere.
But there was a big difference:
West Hollywood in 1985 was all about long-term relationships. No hookups. After two dates, you were a couple; after four, you were renting a U-Haul.
Wilton Manors in 2001 was all about right now. Hookups, sharing, a never-ending supply of dates.
There were a few long-term couples around, but it was much more common to date for a few weeks, and then move on.
Here are my longest Wilton Manors romances.
1. The Brazilian Twink who turned out to be the drag queen Miss Chita Taboo.
2. Jack, the Grocery Store Clerk who thought he was a vacuum cleaner.
3, Andre, the Worst Date in Florida History, involving an alligator, an unfinished house, hustlers, druggies, and a lost wallet.
5. Jean the Violinist in Paris, who wouldn't let me touch his instrument.
6. The Jolly Green Giant, 6'10", bodybuilder physique, hands the size of typewriters, average beneath the belt gifts.
7. Janik the Frisian Bodybuilder from the Horseman's Club in Amsterdam, who invited me to stay in Friesland with him.
8. Sammy Blowfish, the son of my high school speech teacher, who invited me back to small-town Iowa. I only got rid of him by pawning him off on my friend Dick.
9. Comic Book Guy, who was attractive, passionate, and affectionate, but had bedroom practices that were a complete turn-off, plus a surprise beneath the belt.
11. Randy the Pharmacist. I made the mistake of inviting him to a Hurricane Party for our second date, where he ran afoul of the rules of sharing.
12. Florian, the boy who cried Fabulous, so aggressively upbeat that I couldn't stand him.
13. Wade, the Real Beach Boy. How much time can someone with a fair complexion really spend at the beach?
14. Tom, the Log Cabin Republican. Yeah, very conservative, not up for a long term relationship. But did you see what he looked like?
15. Stanton, the high school bodybuilder. We didn't have a lot in common, but my friends kept pushing us together. "You'd be crazy to break up with him! He's so cute!"
Over 3 Months:
16. Matt the Security Guard, a wannabe novelist with amazing beneath the belt gifts. Three months, from October to January, when I went home for Christmas and returned to be dumped for the 60-something Troy.'
This is the g-rated version of the post on Tales of West Hollywood, which contains nude photos.