Remember the hookup contest Gabe and I had before Christmas?
We each chose someone for the other guy to try to hook up with on a dating app. I had to approach the 18-year old Bastian, a high school senior whose profile said explicitly "no older guys" and "no hookups -- dating and relationships only."
So I offered to set Bastian up on a date with Gabe, and tag along "for moral support."
All's fair in love and cruising.
The date was scheduled for December 20th, but Bastian cancelled. He said we could reschedule for after Christmas.
I figured that was the last we would hear of him-- younger guys wimp out all the time. But he did text me a few days after Christmas, asking for the date to be scheduled on January 3rd, a Sunday night: dinner at a Mexican place, then the new Star Wars movie, The Force Awakens.
He didn't want his parents to know he was gay, so he arranged to spend the night at a friend's house. We had to pick him up and drop him off there.
Bastian was slim, a little shorter than me, with sandy-blond hair, blue eyes, and sharp features. He was wearing an Adventure Time sweater, no coat, and carrying a backpack. "In case we spend the night," he said, sliding into the back seat next to Gabe.
Driving to the restaurant, I kept mostly quiet. It was their date, after all. Their conversation consisted of:
Gabe: So you're a senior in high school. What are your college plans?
Bastian: I applied to UCLA, Columbia, Florida State, and the University of Hawaii. I'm going to wherever the guys are the hottest. Boomer, you lived in California. Were the guys big there?
Gabe: What do you want to major in?
Bastian: Art. I want to start a fashion blog. I'm really big into fashion. Like, do you shave your pubic hair?
Gabe: [Embarrassed pause]. Um...no, I never tried that.
Bastian: Oh, it's great! It makes your penis look a lot bigger. Here, have a look. You too, Boomer." [A cell phone is shoved at me, showing Bastian nude, aroused, very big, with shaved pubes.]
"Have you ever been topped by a really big one?"
"Do you know any guys with big ones? I mean, really gigantic ones, like in porn?"
"Have you ever been with a black guy? Do they have big ones?"
"Have you ever been rimmed?"
"Who's the youngest guy you ever let top you?"
"What does 'golden showers' mean?"
And, he was rubbing his leg against mine under the table!
When Bastian went to the bathroom, Gabe turned to me: "I thought this was a quiet, shy, conservative guy who wanted to date and get to know you. Sounds like he won't even make it to the end of the movie!"
"I know, it's weird. You know, he was brushing my leg under the table. And I thought he didn't like older guys."
"Considere yourself lucky. He was trying to grope me!" Gabe laughed. "Man, this aggressive bit is a big turn off. We should take him home, so he can take a cold shower!"
"No, let's go to the movie, and see what happens. Maybe he'll calm down. Besides, I've been looking forward to seeing it for weeks."
And he kept peppering us with comments.
"I bet Finn has a big one!"
"You think Finn and Poe are together?"
"Han Solo is one hot Daddy! I'd do him in a minute!"
I shushed him, but the comments continued.
Afterwards we walked out into the lobby and then into the mall parking lot. Bastian linked arms with both of us. "Hey, let's get frozen yogurt!" he said.
"Well, I'm a Vegan," Gabe said. "They probably won't have anything I can eat."
"Ok...so then, back to your apartment?"
Gabe flashed a "no way!" look at me, and said "Well...I have a roommate, so I can't bring anyone home."
Bastian's grip on our arms tightened. "Then let's go back to Boomer's place. He can watch. Or join in! I've never been with two guys at once before!"
"Ok, your place, right?" he asked, putting his hand on my knee.
"I'm a little tired," I said. "We'd better just take you home. Or to your friend's house."
"But...you know, it's a date," he said in a small voice. "I thought...but aren't we?"
Was the kid starting to cry?
I put my arm around him. "What's wrong, Bastian? You've been on dates before. Sometimes things happen, sometimes they don't."
His shoulders were trembling. "No, I haven't. I've never been on a date before. Or had sex. I never even met anybody gay before. Everybody at my school is straight. Church, too. I download porn and get hit on by Creepy Old Guys on that dating app, and that's it."
"So why all the questions about rimming and golden showers?"
"And the hands everywhere?" Gabe added.
He looked up teary-eyed. "That's what gay guys do, isn't it? I didn't want you to think I was just an ignorant kid..."
"Maybe I'm up for some frozen tofu, after all," Gabe said. "Then we'll see what happens."
The full version of this story, with nude photos, is on Tales of West Hollywood.