My ex-boyfriend Fred has just moved to California to study at the Claremont School of Theology, about 40 miles east of West Hollywood, along with his boyfriend Matt. Alan, Thanh, Will the Bondage Boy, and two other guys whose names I don't remember descend upon them for a housewarming party.
After diner we sit around telling stories about the biggest penises we've been with, dates from hell, and hookups with celebrities.
Everyone in West Hollywood had a good celebrity dating story or two. Alan tells about Scott Baio. Will the Bondage Boy tells about Keanu Reeves. My real-life celebrity boyfriend isn't famous enough to wow anyone, so I tell about Michael J. Fox, with our innocent hug at lunchtime transformed into a wild night.
Fred sits silent. No one really expects him to have a story -- where will he meet anyone, spending his life in western Illinois, Nebraska, and Kansas? We're not judging him on his lack, we're trying to entice him with tales of the joys of living in West Hollywood. Who knows, tomorrow he might run into Tom Cruise at the Gold Coast!
Suddenly, in a weird accusatory tone, Fred says "Well, I can top that. In fact, the first guy I ever topped was Ronnie Reagan Junior, President Reagan's son!"
The full story, with nude photos and explicit sexual content, is on Tales of West Hollywood.