We're on our way back from a funeral, my brother and sister-in-law in the front seat, me in the back, driving down I-74 through a wilderness of small towns and vast plains: Danville, Farmer City, Mahomet, LeRoy, Downs, Carlock.
Katie points to the sign of a town with a quirky name. "We should stop there for dinner. It will probably have a cute Mom and Pop restaurant that all of the locals go to."
"Small town locals? Sounds scary. ZZ Top wannabes driving red pickup trucks with Confederate flags and 'I Heart Trump' bumper stickers."
"...and rows of cute boutiques and antique shops," Katie says.
"I think we should just press on to Bloomington. According to Google Maps, there are three Thai restaurants..."
"I can't wait another hour!" my brother Ken exclaims. "And I'm not eating rest-stop McDonalds!"
"It will be fine!" Katie jokes. "If your hot pink tutu and drag queen bouffant attract rednecks, we'll tell them you're my hairdresser."
The full story, with nude photos, is on Tales of West Hollywood.