Sep 17, 2016

The 10 Ugliest, Biggest Guys

Have you ever noticed that the uglier the guy, the bigger the penis?  It's as if nature has compensated for his clock-stopping face and gag-inducing physique, or it's giving you a reward for being able to look beyond the Ugly Duckling exterior.

Here are the 10 ugliest big guys I could find on the internet.

1. Backward baseball caps do not belong on any guy over age 20.  And he should find some other hobby besides getting tattoos.

2. Nice physique, really nice delts, and a Bratwurst, but the room would have to be very dark to hide the tiny round head and Nazi moustache.

3. A nice Bratwurst, but the greased-back hair needs work.  Maybe the dopey expression is due to selfie-taking concentration.

4. Gigantic sausage, even when you consider the camera angle and photoshopping.  But who can pay attention to the shaft with that face looming out at you?  Another dark room for this guy.

5.  Probably photoshopped, still a garden hose. But the skinny arms, ugly tattoos, and face like a weasel are definite turn-offs.  He'd better have the mother of all scintillating personalities.


6. I'm not sure even a scintillating personality will get me into this guy's pants.  Tattoos everywhere, including on his belly button, ugly face, and what's with the peaked hair?

7. The gypsy bandana doesn't make him look mysterious and exotic, it makes him look like a kid playing dress-up with his mother's scarves. And the dopey stare?  Well, at least he has nice abs and a Mortadella.

8. A word of advice: seven or eight hours of sleep every night, and shave every morning.   But your face, not your pubic hair.  Shaved pubs are ok if you're very small, so the guy going down on you doesn't get a mouthful of hair, but they look ridiculous on an uncut Mortadella.

9. The toothless smile, sharp nose, beady eyes, and crazy hair distract me from the Kovbasa.  Maybe if he's really persistent and brings me presents.

10.  The winner, the Ugliest Well-Hung Guy on the internet, comes from a website called hotoldermen.com.  He's definitely not hot, and he's definitely not older, but he's definitely ugly. Check out the gaunt druggie face and skinny arms covered with tattoos.  A thick Kielbasa, but I'd still have to pass.

All ten uncensored photos are on Tales of West Hollywood.