But when I grew up, my political interests ended altogether. Politicians seemed to be competing to see who could express the most homophobic hatred. Why bother to support candidates where the choices were "I promise to keep your children safe from homo recruitment!" and "I promise to keep homos from shoving their sick lifestyles down your throats!"?
I still voted in most presidential elections, if I could figure out which candidate hated us the least. And, to assuage my feeling of persecution and victimization, I started a tradition of Election Night Hookups.
Results: "Gay menace" Ronald Reagan enjoyed a landslide victory over the only mildly homophobic Jimmy Carter and John Anderson.
2. Dan the Chain Smoker. November 6, 1984. During my horrible, depressing year in Hell-fer-Sartain, Texas. After voting I hooked up with a guy named Dan: in his 30s, short, slim, bearded, smoked constantly. I had an ash tray in my apartment, but instead he used a damp napkin on a saucer.
Results: "Gay menace" Ronald Reagan got 58% of the popular vote over Walter Mondale, who, when asked to say something about gay people at a campaign stop, angrily walked off stage.
3. Turning Japanese. November 8, 1988. Depressed over my doctoral dissertation, broke, lacking a boyfriend, I paid no attention to the presidential race, and didn't vote. I went to Mugi, the gay Asian bar. A Romanian twink named Stash approached and asked where in Asia I was from. I don't know why -- I don't look at all Asian. For some reason I told him "Japan" and had to go with that through our entire date.
Results: George Bush, Reagan's vice president of homophobia, beat out Michael Dukakis, who hated gay people and was a fierce opponent of gay adoption.
4. Alan's Ex. November 3rd, 1992. After we voted, Lane and I went to an Election Night Party held by the Stonewall Democrats, and ended up going home with Alan's ex-boyfriend.
Results: Bill Clinton, the first candidate to mention gay rights (he promised to end the military ban on gay people), got 72% of the gay vote and 43% of the heterosexual vote, beating out George Bush.
5. The City Councilman. November 5th, 1996. David and I went to another Election Night Party. I didn't actually get a hookup, but I got a date with Tom Ammiano, who was on the San Francisco Board of Supervisors.
The full list, with nude photos and explicit sexual content, is on Tales of West Hollywood.
See also: The Boy at the Urinal with the Kovbasa++++