Feb 24, 2017

How to Attract Twinks

Although I have been a twink magnet for years, the number varies tremendously.  On some days, every other guy under age 30 gawks at me like I'm a celebrity   On other days, I might as well be invisible: no glances, no stares, no smiles, no nothing.

As an empirical researcher, I've been experimenting to figure out the difference.  What draws the twinks, and what repels them?

The first step in a research project is defining your terms.  I defined a "cruise" as an up-and-down glance (face-crotch-face) of any duration, with the eyes slightly widened, accompanied by either a smile or a rounded mouth (a sign of surprise).

The second step is defining your subjects: who will you be experimenting on.  My subjects were all guys between 18 and 29 years old (estimated age), who were sitting, standing, or walking in a position to see my face and torso.

The third step is locating your data collection sites.  I gathered most data on campus, since I'm there all day and there are a lot of twinks around, but I also used the YMCA, the gay-friendly coffee house, the straight bar downtown, and the jogging trail that leads to the ski lodge.

The last step is collecting and analyzing your data, using percent differences, chi squares, t-tests, or regressions.  I used percent differences: what percentage of the subjects cruised?

Here are the results: my definitive list of the 12 Top Twink Turn-Ons, things that will get you noticed, cruised, and approached for hookups or dates.

1. Tight short sleeved shirts.  This one is a no-brainer.  When I was wearing a heavy winter coat, or even a leather jacket, cruising was limited.  Tight shirt, it increased by 40%.  Your pecs and biceps have to be on display.

2. Scruff.  I never grow a full beard; it doesn't come in properly.  I let the scruff grow out for a few days, then shave.  For the first three days, as the scruff grows, the cruising increases.  Then it tapers off.

3. Bright colors.  Since I have a fair complexion, I usually wear dark colors to avoid a "washed-out" look.  My wardrobe consists mostly of black, navy blue, and dark red.  But on the few occasions that I've worn my bright red or orange shirts, the cruising increases significantly.

4. A business suit.  I usually dress down, but a suit and tie, with its connotations of affluence and prestige, draws the eye.

5. Chest hair.  When I was a kid, the Mean Boys made fun of kids who buttoned the top button of their shirts.  I never do. But when I've accidentally unbuttoned two,  displaying chest hair, cruising increases by about 30%.

6. Baldness.  Sounds weird -- isn't baldness supposed to be a sign of lack of virility?  But think of all the bald hunks on tv and in the movies -- Omar Shariff, Jean-Luc Picard.  I am almost entirely bald on top -- there's just some scruff and stray hairs up there.  When I let them grow out, cruising goes down.  Shave them off -- pay dirt!

7. Morning.  The cruising rate is much higher in the morning, when the twinks are just waking up, than later in the day.  I don't know why.

8. A Smile.  In gay bars, the standard cruising pose is a frown: you represent a passion that is dark, mysterious, and dangerous, not lighthearted and frivolous.  But in the straight world, cruising is all about accessibility, and a smile makes you more accessible.

The full list, with nude photos, is on Tales of West Hollywood

1 comment:

  1. Don't believe the hype that you have to frequent bars or other such "singles" hangouts to meet people, either... there are countless people just like you who you can meet just by going through your day-to-day routine.
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