One Sunday after church, my ex boyfriend Alan, the Pentecostal Porn Star, appears at my table at the French Quarter. "Are you doing anything Tuesday night?"
"The usual -- gym, Chinese food, and Who's the Boss. Why?"
"Well, put Tony Danza on hold. We're going to Mann's Chinese for the premiere of The Hitcher. Jon, a guy I met at the gym, invited us."
"Um...thanks, but no thanks."
"Why? What's wrong with The Hitcher?"
1. We have only been broken up for a little over a month, and I'm not totally comfortable with this "cruising together" thing.
2. I don't go to many movies, maybe five per year. There are no theaters in West Hollywood, so you have to go into hetero-territory, put up with heterosexual couples, or worse, groups of hetero boys who sit with one seat between them so their bodies won't touch; plus heterosexist plotlines and endless homophobic jibes.
3. The Hitcher? The previews look horrible. Bloody, violent, sadistic movie about a young man who picks up a hitcher who frames him for murder. I only go to comedies starring cute guys, or any movie where you see a guy's cock or butt.
"Would it sweeten the deal if I told you we will be sharing Robert Redford?"
"Um...what? Robert Redford, the movie star?"
"Jon said that Redford is like his best friend, and wants to share, but only if I bring a friend of my own along. I figured, with you being a big celebrity groupie, you'd jump at the chance."
True. Tall redheads aren't really my thing -- I like my men short and dark-skinned -- but Redford is certainly famous, with lots of Oscars and Golden Globes and at least two gay-subtext movies (The Sting and Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid). Sharing Redford would certainly make a better party story than lunch with Michael J. Fox or brushing against the knee of the King of Sweden.
But...'Wait...sharing on your first date? That's a little weird, isn't it? Maybe he's just dangling Robert Redford in front of your nose like a carrot, just to get into your pants."
"Maybe," Alan admits.
"And why does he even want this four way on a first date?"
"He actually just wanted me and Redford, but it's dangerous going home with two guys you don't know. They could be bashers. But two guys going home with two guys evens out the situation. It's not a trick, it's a party!"
"Well...." Even if the Redford thing is a hoax, movie premieres have premiere parties, with cruising gay and closeted celebrities like C. Thomas Howell. And I'll be sharing with Alan -- even though we've broken up, I really miss sex with him. He's very energetic, very passionate, and super-hung. "Sure. Sounds like fun."
The full story, with nude photos and explicit sexual content, is on Tales of West Hollywood.