Mar 27, 2018

The Beefcake of Madison County

Winterset, Iowa, seat of Madison County, is the smallest small town in the United States.

Not because of its size -- 5,000 people.

Or its isolation -- Des Moines is only half an hour way.

Or even its politics, though 62% voted for the Orange Goblin.

Because it is the quintessential gender-polarized heteronormative gay-free small town.

It's the setting of the hetero-romance novel and movie The Bridges of Madison County (referring to the many covered bridges which people find scenic.).

Here a cross-country team runs through it.  I don't know why.

Heterosexuals like to take engagement pictures there.

There's also a quilt museum, aimed at an audience of heterosexual ladies of a certain age.

And it's the birthplace of uber-heterosexual cowboy John Wayne.  There's a John Wayne museum on John Wayne street.

Heterosexuals visit to go into a time warp to the 1950s, where they believe that there was no crime or divorce, or gay people.

Why should gay men visit?

1. Cross country teams running across covered bridges with their shirts off.

2. Groups of buffed buddies. I can't help noticing that they had to go 1,000 miles to put their arms around each other.

3. Swimmers.  Notice that in Winterset, they keep their distance.

4.Winterset Huskies wrestling singlets.  You can't help touching when you are wrestling.

5. A hot veterinarian named Skyler.  I'd bring my dog and cat in for him to examine.

More after the break.

6.  Shirtless barber services.

7.  I like this picture because the wrestler looks like he's a giant towering over the coach, but he's in junior high, and weighs only 115 pounds.  He's won a lot of tournaments, including the Little Panthers and the Brooklyn Brawl.

8.  Don't you love that expression?  Sorry, boys, he's heterosexual.

9.  There are older guys in Winterset, too. I'm not sure why.  There's no bus station, but if you don't have a car, you could hitchhike out.  You could walk to Des Moines in a day or two.

10.  But then you'd never meet these two local heroes, credited for saving a handicapped person from being trampled by a crowd rushing out of the bleachers during a basketball game.

If you take them to Florida, they may even put their arms around each other.

1 comment:

  1. I still say calling Trump a goblin is offensive to us goblin aficionados. But since he has done pro wrestling, would that make him a goblin piledriver? Sorry, Magic jokes are just easy to make here.

    Something about small towns makes shirtless barbers a possibility. And of course makes athletics srs bzns.


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