Apr 18, 2018

Searching for Beefcake in Kokomo: The Ugliest Town in America

According to a survey in Travel and Leisure, the ugliest towns in America are Wilson, North Carolina; Fort Pierce and Kissamme, Florida; Pine Bluff, Arkansas; Anderson and Kokomo, Indiana; and Utica and Niagara Falls, New York.

Regardless of how  ugly downtown is, how dismal the chains of fast-food places and box stores, how decrepit the neighborhoods, regardless of the dearth of museums, art galleries, and bookstores, beefcake can redeem a town.  So how much is available in the ugliest towns in America.

Let's start with Kokomo, population 40,000, in northern Indiana.

Because of the distinctive "k" sounds, it has been a popular location (for mentioning, not for a setting) in movies and songs.

It's also notable as the home of Ryan White, the boy who contracted HIV through a blood transfusion and had to deal with homophobic hysteria.

Well, that was thirty years ago.

Kokomo has the usual high school swim teams, with -- wait, where are the speedos?  Anybody who photographs their swim team wearing pants has something to hide.

Here's the diving champion, in a star-spangled speedo.  Quite attractive.  Maybe some people are turned off by the acne.

Here are Kokomo's top wrestlers.  The lack of singlets is a definite problem, but otherwise quite attractive.

Kokomo has a Strongman Competition, with a lifter who is a little chubby.  Can we see what the adults look like?

Ok, that face is a little low on m attractiveness meter, but the biceps are impressive.

Kokomo also offers fishing.  At first I thought the ugly catfish was attached to the kid somehow, but he's actually holding it up with gloved hands.  I wouldn't touch it.

Surely there are some goodlooking adults on Kokomo dating sites.

Not bad, except for the 1970s-on-the-prowl expression.

How about some Kokomo guys with their shirts off?

I could do without the weird half-goatee, but I like the Chaim pendant (Hebrew for "Life").

Verdict: Mixed.  Some guys are attractive, some ugly.  The catfish is hideous.

1 comment:

  1. Chai. No mem, like an old-school computer. Hey, come on, how many times can I make that joke? (Also, writing the letter mem over and over and saying, I don't get why this is funny.)

    Not sure WHERE the tropical beach is.

    But seriously, I'm glad you brought up Kokomo. One of the big fails of the 21st century has been small towns trying to adapt to globalization by becoming tourist traps, per Richard Florida's playbook. Which MIGHT work, if planes didn't exist.

    My first thought was of the Beach Boys song.


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