Apr 15, 2018

The Better-Dorks of Bettendorf, Iowa

I grew up in the Quad Cities, actually six or seven cities (depending on who you ask) straddling the Mississippi on the Illinois-Iowa border.  Rock Island, Illinois was the poorest, and Better-Dork, aka Bettendorf, Iowa was the wealthiest, with streets like Maplecrest Lane and Tanglefoot Road.

And Better-Dorks whose parents were in the bosses  of our parents.

Rock Island's home town was dark and scary, but Bettendorf's was bright, shiny, and new.

At Rock Island High School, you could study Spanish, French, German, or Swedish, but at Bettendorf High School, you could learn Italian, Chinese, and Russian.

Handy for the Better-Dorks' applications to fancy East Coast colleges.

Could you even look at their auditorium without seething with envy?

Better-Dorks had way better beefcake.  A state-of-the-art fitness center produced massive pecs, abs, and biceps,visible not only in swimming and wrestling, but in tennis, golf, and track.

Seriously, how do you get shoulders like that from running?

Their uniforms showed their bulges better, too.

Naturally we couldn't stand to hang around Better-Dorks.  Unless it was to kidnap the Valedictorian and make him "guest of honor" at our graduation party.

Thirty years later, Rock Island is still poor (26% of the population below the poverty level, mean household income $43,000) and Bettendorf is still rich (8% poverty, mean household income $75,000).

Better-Dork High School still has way better beefcake than Rock Island.

And more bulgeworthy uniforms.

And lots of Attitude.

I don't know if Rock Island boys still kidnap the Valedictorian to make him "guest of honor" at their graduation party.

1 comment:

  1. Reminds me of the USC chant after losing to UCLA: "Hey, hey, it's okay, you're gonna work for us some day"

    Talking about class differences naturally leads in to a rant about the Golden Horror in the White House, as well as Hillary Clinton. Men with strange ideas all around her.

    A pox on both their houses.


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