Apr 21, 2018

The Hottest Beefcake at the Hottest Colleges in the U.S.

College Magazine also lists the colleges with the hottest guys.  I'm not sure how you can generalize the hotness of thousands of guys, and isn't it supposed to be in the eye of the beholder.  But let's see if we can find some good beefcake photos.

1. University of Georgia, Athens.  Enrollment 37,000.  Very pretty campus, with a lot of fake-Greek architecture, but I couldn't find any photos of hot UGA Bulldogs.  This is a wrestler from Brewton-Parker, a Baptist college in Mount Vernon, Georgia, 150 miles from Athens.

2. Florida State University, enrollment 42,000.  In Tallahassee, the panhandle of the state, so it's culturally closer to Alabama and Georgia than to the palm trees of South Beach.  The guy on the left is not bad -- I like how his swimsuit is falling off -- but the others are a little scrawny.

3. Colgate University, enrollment 3,000.  An exclusive private college in Upstate New York that regularly tops the list of "highest tuition."  Your parents have to be rich, but not influential enough to get you into Harvard.

The swim team isn't bad; I like the black speedos.  But I wouldn't mind seeing some variation in skin color.

4. University of Alabama, Tuscaloosa, enrollment 38,000.  I dated a Crimson Tide football player once.  He had never eaten Thai food, and didn't know about the Stonewall Riots.

I rate these four swim stars (left to right) as: maybe, if he buys me dinner; hot; country-western singer ugly; and...um...

5. University of Florida, Gainesville, enrollment 52,000.  In the U.S., typically "universities" are more elite than "state universities": they offer doctorates, they have research professors, and the students are more academically oriented.  And hotter.

6. University of Southern California. My old alma mater.  Of the two major universities in Los Angeles, UCLA is middle-brow, USC high-brow.  The Philosophy Library is a work of art.  And their team is named after a condom (just kidding -- after the Trojans, the biggest losers in history)

7. Clemson University, enrollment 22,000, somewhere in South Carolina.  In spite of its name, it's public.

Sorry, I'm still not going to South Carolina.

8. Arizona State University in Tempe (a suburb of Phoenix), enrollment 72,000.  Surely with 36,000 men and all that sunshine, there will be a lot of hunks wandering about.

Not these four.

9. Bowdoin College in Maine, enrollment 1,800.  I did a postdoc there, and hated the elitist students, for whom Bowdoin was a safety school.  They made fun of me when I jogged.

10. Boston College (Catholic, 14,000 enrolled), not to be confused with Boston University (Methodist, 32,000 enrolled), three miles away.

Here are two men from the College.


  1. You're the professor--would the Ebay auction below be classified as Beefcake or Cheesecake? Another mystery is where they get the $100 price tag!


    1. Cheesecake for a photograph or film that emphasizes feminine beauty dates from 1912. Beefcake for masculine beauty dates from the 1940s. It was first applied to Guy Madison

  2. Besides generalizing a student body, it also ignores the whole "eye of the beholder" issue. Okay, we have subjective sports, but still...

    I always thought of University of Georgia, Athens as "Groman" architecture. It's a sure sign of poor research. There used to be a restaurant and tourist trap in Florida that did the same thing, though the mall there now kept as much of the original architecture (fountains, caryatids) as possible.

    Colgate, what did I say about expensive schools?

    4 actually surprised me. More the not knowing about Stonewall. But even South Dakota has "ethnic" restaurants. I know this because they're the only ones who will seat me.

    The guy on the left in 8 reminds me of a pundit I once met.

  3. I'm sure you've heard of portmanteau, though.


No comments that use abusive or vulgar language or point out that a character is Not Wearing a Sign.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...