I don't drink wine, or any alcoholic beverage, and back in the 1990s, at least, gay men wouldn't dream of going to Napa, or what they called Hetero Central (well, they actually called it Breeder Central)
It was strictly heterosexual, all about ultra-elite male-female couples with great hair and teeth driving up from their condo on Telegraph Hill or the Presidio, staying at a quaint guest inn run by an elderly couple, holding hands on tours of vineyards, and clicking wine glasses at each other.
Most of the guys I knew didn't drink at all, and when I went to the bars, all I saw being ordered was beer.
According to Trip Advisor, the top 10 sights of Napa are: Judd's Hill Winery, Palmaz Vineyards, O'Brien Winery, Hendry Ranch Winery, Sequoia Grove Winery, Pine Ridge Winery, Tefethen Family Winery, Stag's Leap Wine Cellar, Paraduxx Winery, and the Napa Valley Opera House (where they serve wine).
1. Some of the wineries have public art or interesting architecture. Castello di Amorosa is a Medieval castle.
Um...I've seen real castles in Europe, and owner Dario Sattui just started building this one 20 years ago. Besides, Castello di Amorosa means "Castle of Love." Pass.
2. Go on a hot air balloon ride. Pass
3. Enjoy the great outdoors. Um..the great outdoors is what you drive through to get to the next real place. Next
4. The Napa Valley Museum in Yountville, about 10 miles away. Its premiere exhibition is "50 Years of the Napa Valley Agricultural Preserve."
Um...when do those winery tours start?
Ok, so still wine-y. What about the gay presence?
I'm sure there are occasional gay couples wandering around, discussing the intriguing acidity of this or that vintage, but gay guides mention nothing specifically gay in Napa except for a Napa Pride Community Cookout. If you want gay inclusion, you have to go to Sonoma or Guerneville, or even Santa Rosa.
There are three high schools and a community college that offer the usual swimming, water polo, wrestling, track and field, and theater.
Ok, it was established in 1972, before the internet, and there was already a Napa High School in town, but that's no excuse.
But I do like the bulgeworth gold Rocky Horror Picture Show swim trunks.
So did this Vintage High School senior, who became a bodybuilder for a class project in 2009, and, at age 17, came in third in a bodybuilding competition in the 18-19 year old category (by the way, he was also a master of origami).
There are also a lot of regular guys showing off their biceps in the hope of attracting a date. With all of those bodybuilders and powerlifters, the competition will be tough.