Remember when the shows on Nickelodeon were actually good? By "Good" I mean that adults could watch them without being bored to tears, the stars were teenagers, not toddlers, and there were gay subtexts.
Drake and Josh had amazing chemistry.
Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide was as good, or better, than anything on prime time.
Even True Jackson, VP could be clever.
Now it's "girl who wants to be a singer" and "raucous, screaming preteens."
Nicky, Ricky, Dicky, and Dawn (2014-) is about raucous, screaming preteens, 10-year old quadruplets. I watched ten seconds of the first episode before my eardrums exploded.
Besides, I was absolutely certain that those preteen boys were going to be portrayed as hetero-horny girl-crazy sex machines, and I didn't need another rendition of "heterosexual desire is universal human experience! Every boy is wild about girls!"
Well, four seasons have passed, and the kids have grown into teenagers -- they're in high school. Plots involve boyfriend-girlfriend miscommunications, attempts to impress hot girls, and dates, as well as the usual "a mishap floods the school" and "scream real loud" sort of thing.
No gay characters anywhere, no gay subtexts, "discovering girls," "girls are the meaning of life," all of those tropes that erase LGBT teens from existence.
But at least the gay boys can look at the beefcake. Granted, it might not appeal to adults, but NRDD is flooded with "dreamy boys," the sort that made you feel all flushed when they smiled at you back in junior high.
Dreaminess was not a characteristic of the physique: slim and androgynous was actually preferable. And nobody in junior high was checking out baskets. It was all about the face, and more, about the attitude. We called boys "dreamy" when they were super-confident A-game golden boys; dark, troubled, dangerous delinquents who we could save; or shy, quiet boys who we could bring out of their shell.
Here are the top 10 Dreamy Boys of NRDD:
2. Aiden Gallagher as Nicky (left), the goofy, trouble-making, not-so smart quad. Ok, his head is too big for his body, if that actually is his body and not a photoshop job, but you've got to admit, his hair and eyebrows are dreamy.
5. Lincoln Melcher as Mack. Thick hair and ten-dollar smile.
More after the break.
9. Asher Angel as Jasper. I think he's the one on the left, with the round face and the smile.
10. Mace Coronel as Dicky, the handsome, confident quad. Wet hair, round face, a golden boy in training.