Jul 27, 2018

The Abs of the Top 10 Teen Idols

When I was a kid in the 1960s and 1970s, teen idols were popular for three or four years, about the time it took for their earliest fans to enter high school and move on to adult stars.  Today, it's like five minutes?  I just did posts on the top 20 teen idols about a week ago, but when I returned to the Teen Idols 4 You website today, most of them were gone, replaced by a new crowd:

Here are the previously-unmentioned teen idols of July 27,2018:

1. Aramis Knight, an American actor playing M.K. on Into the Badlands, a post-Apocalyptic martial-arts shirtless drama about guys who do 1000 crunches a day.

2. Brandon Rowland.  I don't actually know what he does besides post pictures of himself in his swimsuit but he and Hunter (and their abs) are currently on a meet-and-greet tour of the U.S.  $25 for kids, parents free.

3. Davis Cleveland, Flynn on the Disney Channel's Shake it up.   He apparently likes girls.  But Davis --- just a six pack?  Most teen idols go for like 20.

4.  Jacob Sartorius.  Sounds like someone out of a science fiction novel where the Roman Empire never fell.  The sartorius is a muscle in the thigh, a brand of scales, and a pharmaceutical company.  Jacob must be a heir to one of them.  But he's most famous for singing on the internet, which got him a record contract, and abs. 

5. Casey Simpson.  Haven't there been like 100 teen idols named Simpson?  Aaron, Jonathan, Cody, Casey, Carmen, Cilantro, Cockamamie? I don't know which one this is, but he's got an ugly face. I guess he expects everyone to be looking at what he's packing above the belt.

6. Noah Schnapp,Will in Stranger Things (you know, the one that falls for the mysterious girl from another dimension or something). Winona Ryder looks creeped out by the hug.

No shirtless pics, but I'm sure his abs are spectacular.

7. Sean O'Donnell, a 22-year old actor whose credits include Love Simon, I Ship It, and Speechless.  Is it like a requirement for teen idols?  "Your acting is ok, kid, but I can't count your abs, so no dice."

8. Asa Butterfield.  I love the name.  It makes me think of an old fashioned farmer driving a horse and buggy through the cornfields of Kansas.  He's actually British.

In my day we looked for baskets, but I guess the ability to do sit-ups is also important in a boyfriend.

9. Ronan Parke, a British singer who appeared on Britain's Got Talent and got a record deal. His album, Ronan Parke, peaked at #22 in the UK.  There was a controversy where Simon Cowell was accused of "grooming" the boy.  For stardom, not sex, I assume.

He must be the one in the middle.  The other two aren't quite abworthy.

10. Mace Coronel of Ricky, Dicky, Docky, and Dork, or whatever that Disney Channel quadruplet show is.  Google Images thinks this is him. Probably because of the abs.


  1. Sartorius was actually a villain on the second Yugioh series, the one where the protagonist had normal hair. Anyone who lost a game of Yugioh to Sartorius joined his little cult, where everyone's Stepford happy. Society of Light or something like that. Not even the final villain, mind.

    Simpson, maybe so every song can also be something the Simpsons already did?

  2. This isn't Casey Simpson at #5. I believe that is Cody Simpson.

    1. I said I didn't know which Simpson it was. There are too many, and I can't recognize any of them. But I can tell the difference between David, Shaun, and Patrick Cassidy.

    2. The real Casey Simpson looks like a zygote.

    3. Now I'm curious. I have to look him up.

  3. On #9 Ronan Parke is the one on the left ;)


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