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Nov 22, 2019

The Worst TV Shows of All TIme, #13-25

I'm going through the clickbait list of the worst tv programs of all time, trying to dispute the idea that they were somehow worse than everything else on tv.  The plotlines may not have been scintillating, but they sometimes offered other pleasures, like gay subtexts or beefcake.

13. Co-Ed Fever.  Well maybenot  all of them.  Co-Ed Fever was of the three Animal House clones that appeared in 1979 (t=the others were Delta House and Brothers and Sisters).  Only one episode aired in the U.S., six in Canada, and the set was co-opted for the first season of The Facts of Life.  The premise: a women's college goes co-ed, and some guys enroll, looking for babes.

14. Baywatch.  Huh?  10 seasons of lifeguards running across the beach in slow motion, chests glistening,  bulges bouncing around.  What else would you watch on Friday night in 1989 to get you horned up before heading out to the bars?  Not Full House and Family Matters, certainly.




15. The Powers of Matthew Star.  An androgynous teen idol and his older...um...coach traveling around in a van to fight evil.  Gay subtext!  So he changed from exiled alien prince to secret agent halfway through, who cares?  Nobody was watching for the plot.  Besides, one of the stars was family.

16. Galactica 1980.  Never hearrd of it, but then, I never watched the original Battlestar Galactica.  Wasn't a Mormon theology meets Star Wars, with Lorne Green at the helm?

17. Black Scorpion. Lady puts on a tight black scorpion suit to fight supervillains like Adam West. But the costar was Family Ties hunk Scott Valentine, seen here on the cover of a 1988 Playgirl (this is as much as he shows).












18. Ghost Whisperer.  Lady solves crimes by talking to ghosts (comes in handy in murder cases). She also runs an antique store and has sex with David Conrad.

19. Flying High.  Stewardesses with boobs get sexually harassed by their captain, back in the days when sexual harassment was considered by inevitable and funny.  But this wasn't a comedy.  Take a look at the plotlines: The plane is out of control when the flight crew becomes ill; an escaped prisoner takes one of the attendants hostage; the attendants stop a drug smuggling ring; the Captain becomes blind.

20. Hogan's Heroes.  World War II was horrible, but there are parts that veterans looked back on fondly, like buddy bonding and The Andrews Sisters.   This was a POW camp with prisoners secretly working for the underground, and a commandant who disliked Nazis as much as the Allies.  It was clever, funny, and homoerotic.  I still have a crush on LeBeau (who, by the way, was played by a Holocaust survivor who found nothing wrong with the show).







21. The Brady Bunch Variety Hour.  That group of people should not have been in a variety show.  But as long as they were, watch the Brady Boys.  They have grown up, and they are packing.  SeeL Razzle Dazzle: Variety Shows of the 1970s

22. Hee Haw Honeys.  A spin-off of the hayseed Hee-Haw, which, as you recall, featured fat men and thin women telling hayseed jokes and singing.










23. Manimal.  Shapeshifting professor solves crimes.  How is this more unrealistic than Buffy the Vampire Slayer?  It starred Simon MacCorkindale, an action/adventure/sword and sorcery star of the era.

24. Life with Lucy.  Ok, at 78 years old, Lucille Ball should not have been doing the broad physical comedy that was her signature. She had already starred in three successful tv series and was widely praised as the greatest comedian of all time.  Wouldn't that be enough for anyone?  Apparently not.  Lucy returned as the mugging, pratfalling grand-dame of a stick-in-the-mud family, with a daughter married to former Mr. Mooney Gale Gordon's son.    Everyone was worried that she was going to break a hip.


25. Murphy's Law.  The "law" states that anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.  It has been the title   of three tv series, but the writers probably meant the 1988-89 series, with George Segal as an insurance investigator.  He has a Japanese-Italian girlfriend named Kimiko Fanucchi, an ex-wife, and a daughter.  But the cute Charles Rocket is hanging around somewhere.


See also: The Worst TV Shows of All Time, #1-12.

3 comments:

  1. Maybe it's a bi thing, maybe it's a "started puberty (precocious) in 1992" thing, but I liked Baywatch. I mean, besides the women, you also had Michael Bergin, David Chokachi, Jaason Simms, and in the Hawaii spin-off Jason Momoa. I guess I have memories because it was the impetus for many of my first circle jerks.

    Would I say it was a good show? No, my lack of 90s nostalgia is for a reason, but if you have no other access to porn, you look for stroke material wherever you can. And I think we started looking at each other pretty quickly.

    (In that vein, surprised Beastmaster isn't on this list.)

    Manimal actually sounds cook, but that pic sells me more than anything. (Otherwise, that sounds like Beast Boy, without the comedy to mask deep inner pain. And make him a professor.)

    So, there was a Vaudeville revival in the 70s?

    And Black Scorpion might really molest Robin. (He has a history with arachnid-themed heroines. Google Catalina Flores.)

    Logan's Heroes may be literally the most disrespectful TV show ever.

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    Replies
    1. My Jewish friend would not watch "Hogan's Heroes," believing that it was set in a Concentration Camp. But it was a POW camp. The POWs had been place there willingly to assist the Allies with their various skills. Their guard, Sgt. Schultz, was a mild-mannered toy maker from Bavaria who had been drafted. The Commandant, Col. Klink, was a standard officious bureaucrat. They were all equally opposed to War (in general; Nazi ideology is never mentioned).

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  2. GHOSTWHISPERER WAS AN AMAZING TV SERIES!!!

    ReplyDelete

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