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Feb 22, 2022

Netflix's New "Halloween" Remake: Will a 2022 Michael Myers Be Gay-Positive?

 

A remake of the psycho-slasher classic Halloween (1978) just dropped on Netflix.  The original was heteronormative, but lacked the homophobic slurs common to most 1970s movies.  Since this is a Netflix production, and 2022, I expect a decrease in heteronormativity: maybe some gay teens being slashed along with the horny heterosexuals.  

The 10-year old Michael, a chubby boy with long scraggly hair, is growing up in a hovel, with a squabbling, abusive, foul-mouthed family: a mom who works at a strip club (yes, we see her performing), a stepdad who calls him a "queer" and transgender (both extreme insults), a teenage  sister who accuses him of having sex with his pet rat.  

At school, the bullies also call him various homophobic slurs and accuse his mother of sucking cock.  When he defends himself against the "horrifying accusations," Michael is the one who gets in trouble, naturally.  Also he kills small animals, which is an actual early warning sign of a future serial killer.  (His Stepdad disagrees; he thinks that killing small animals means that Michael is gay.) 

School psychiatrist Dr. Loomis, who has long scraggly hair, suggests institutionalization.  The threat of being locked up plus the constant abuse makes Michael "snap": he puts on a clown mask, and beats the head bully (Daryl Sabara) to death. 



 Then he asks his Mom and sister to take him trick-or-treating for Halloween, but Mom has to work at the strip club (we get a lo--oo--ooo--ng look), and Sis has to have sex with her boyfriend Steven (another lo-oo-ooo-ng look at her breasts).  We also see Boyfriend with the mask that Michael will use for his adult rampage.  

Michael goes trick or treating by himself, eats candy, and then kills Stepdad, Boyfriend (who hasn't actually abused him), and Sister (after a lo-oo-ooo-ng look at her bare butt).  Mom, her hookup, and his baby brother get to live.

Everybody in this movie has long, stringy hair.  The director obviously has a stringiness fetish.

In the sanitarium, which has no other patients, Michael claims to remember nothing of the murders (How do they know he did it?  Maybe Boyfriend killed Sister and Stepdad, and then Michael killed him in self defense.) He spends his time eating cereal, making masks, and evading Dr. Loomis's questions.  Eventually he stops talking, or making any sound, except when he screams while attacking the staff.  At least the girl-boobs and homophobic slurs stop.


Fast forward 15 years.  Mom is dead. and  25-year old Michael (Tyler Mane, left, but unrecognizable)  is still non-verbal and violent, and still obsessed with making masks.  He still has long, straggly hair (barbers have not been invented in this world).  Dr. Loomis, his only friend, is leaving to go on tour for his new book, The Devil's Eyes: The Michael Myers Story, where he claims that all psychopaths are psycho-killers.  Actually, the term is not used anymore, but people with psychotic disorders, about 2% of the population, rarely commit violent acts.  And most serial killers are not psychotic.  You'd think that a psychiatrist would know that.

So Michael bursts his chains, kills some guards, and breaks out of the sanitarium.     


He heads home to Haddonfield, Illinois, to kill a new generation of heterosexual sex-obsessed teenagers with the same names as characters in the original movie.  Played by actors such as Skyler Gisondo (above) as Tommy, and Max Van Ville (left) as Paul.

No gay characters, tons of homophobic slurs, Daryl Sabara is a teenager, and Skyler Gisondo is a little kid.  What's going on?

I didn't realize that there have been many, many movies about Michael Myers.  The latest, Halloween Kills (2018), features a gay couple among Michael's victims (he's not committing a hate crime; he'll kill anyone regardless of sexual identity).  

But this particular Halloween premiered in 2007!  15 years ago!  And it was directed by Rob Zombie, who is apparently obsessed with long, straggly hair, women's boobs, and homophobic slurs.

Wait -- Netflix claimed that it was a new release, which means one of its own productions, premiering in 2022!   I was tricked into watching about 1/3rd of a disgusting piece of boobs-and-queers-obsessed bull crap with a brazen lie!  I'm tempted to cancel my subscription altogether.  
 
My Grade: F- for the movie, F*2 for the deception.

1 comment:

  1. In the original "Halloween" Michael Meyer's killed horny teenagers now he kills everyone yes including gay couples so I guess it's progress. Rob ZOmbie makes terrible movies

    ReplyDelete

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