The Student Prince (1997), on Amazon Prime: a BBC "comedy-romance" about a police officer assigned to look after a young prince attending Cambridge University. His duties "soon go beyond bodyguarding" Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.
Scene 1: Cop (Robson Green) is informed by his boss that he's been "promoted" to royal babysitter..um, er, bodyguard. He grumbles at the assignment, but has no choice.
Driving through Cambridge. Cop's driver grumbles: "You'll actually have to share his room?" No, that's not how bodyguards work. Cop will get his own room in the Prince's suite.
Arriving, he has a meet-cute with a girl! And a double-take as she leaves! This guy has been established as heterosexual. I'm not happy with this development.
Scene 2: Michaelmas Term (Fall Semester): Cop finally arrives at the Prince's room, just in time to see the Prince (Rupert Penry-Jones) and the previous bodyguard hugging: "Goodbye, sir. Don't forget to call your mother now and again." Does this job involve hugging?
Cop and Prince have tea. Prince (who goes by his family name, Windsor) asks polite questions, which Cop rebuffs, staring at his teacup. Geez, what's wrong with this guy?
Out in the hallway, Prince talks to his book-carrying friend, Adams (Christopher Staines). "I can't believe I've been assigned the room where Lord Byron wrote Childe Harold." They plan on getting together later.
Scene 3: At a reception. Cop gets cruised by the nerdy Hargreaves (Mark Gough), a Natural Science tutor (instructor), who brags about his 3 A-levels. Soon Cop abandons him to flirt with the meet-cute girl from Scene 2. Grrr... Meanwhile, the Prince gets introdued around: to the Dean, to his Tutor, and to a horny blond woman: "I'll bet every girl here is trying to get into your royal undies." The Prince is entranced by her candor, and boobs. Uh-oh, another heterosexual?
Scene 4: Back in their rooms, Cop is unpacking, when the Prince comes in -- wearing a bathrobe -- bringing him some hot cocoa. "But I thought we were going to a bar?" It's a bit early in your relationship for a three-way, innit?
The Prince tries some more polite questions: "What did you study at Uni?" Cop scoffs: "I left school at 16. There's more to life than reading books." The Prince is studying literature. "And what will you do with those qualifications?" Um...become King of England?
"So...um...do you like musicals? Andrew Lloyd Webber played at my 18th birthday party. Isn't he fantastic?" Grimace, growl. The Prince retreats. Liking musicals is gay-coded. Maybe they'll fall in love after all.
Scene 5: Middle of the night. Someone comes into Cop's room, so he leaps out of bed with his gun -- naked! Nice butt. It's actually just the housekeeper, here to change the sheets. Wouldn't she usually wait until they're out of their rooms? The Prince gets an eyeful of the nude Cop, and apparently likes what he sees.
Scene 6: Prince and Cop arrive late to their class, where the Tutor is discussing a passage from Shakespeare about royals: "they're all a pack of lying, murderous, adulterous villains! What do you think, Your Highness?"
Scene 7: The Societies Fair, where you can sign up for extracurricular activities like the Canoe Club and the Save the Foxes Society. They pass picketers: "No royal privilege!" Apparently the Prince got two D-levels, and would never be admitted to Cambridge if he weren't a royal.
While the Prince looks around, Cop gawks at the ballerinas. He runs into Shaggy (Jeremy Swift), an old friend that he..um...put in prison?
Scene 8: The Prince decides to go out for some sport involving running past a goal while carrying a ball. Like football, but with a round ball, and apparently you can't throw it. He's terrible. The Cop and his Jail Friend stand on the sidelines, making fun of him. Then the Prince is kicked, and Cop rushes to his aid.
Scene 9: The Prince in the bathtub (nice chest). He yells at Cop for interfering with the game. "I get teased all the time for being a royal. I can take care of myself!"
Cop sits down on the edge of the bathtub and for some reason notes that he's engaged to a woman named Lisa.
Prince: "I've never had a proper relationship with a woman."
Cop jumps up in homophobic panic. " Wait...you're not...."
"Oh, no, of course not. It just that there's always somebody watching."
They're both heterosexual. I'm out.
This sounds like a good plot for a porn movie
ReplyDeleteRupert Penry-Jones is attractive but unremarkable and uncharismatic. I don't understand how he gets roles. Life In Squares was more gay and interesting but not for Rupert. Robson Green was younger than pictured above in The Student Prince, so his ass looked better than one might expect.
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