"How to Survive Being Single": If You're Rich, Famous, and Straight

 

The icon for Amazon Prime's How to Survive Being Single depicts three couples trying to strangle each other, two boy-girl and one boy-boy.   It says "Second Season," although I've never seen it on Prime before.

Ok, they decided to retitle a series that's been popping up a lot: Como Sobrevivir Solo.  In English or Spanish, the title is a misnomer: this series is about making a film.   I figured, might as well start at the beginning, so I watched Season 1, Episode 1, "Dumped."

Scene 1:  We start with a bang.  Sebastian (Sebastian Zurita) on a stage yelling "Go fuck yourself!" at a roomful of reporters.  He jumps into the crowd and assaults one.

Five Hours Before: Sebastian in his apartment, practicing: he's going to propse to his girlfriend at the press conference tonight.  Meanwhile, Fish (Fabrizio Santini) feeds the dog that he's babysitting for Yanet, whom he just started to date.  Yanet is a boy's name - Fish must be gay.  Nope, he displays a photo of a woman. 

Sebastian has four other friends, two boys and two girls, standing in boy-girl pairs.  So far it's heterosexuals all the way down.  

Scene 2:  Night.  A limo drives through the deserted streets of Mexico City.  Inside, two boy-girl couples, Sebastian,  Fish with the dog, and an unattached woman.  Fabiana tells Daniel (Roberto Flores. ;eft), "She's a lesbian."  He scoffs.  "Lesbians don't exist! ."  

But Fabiana protests that she was one for over a year, before she decided to turn straight again.  Ok, you can choose to turn gay, and then turn back?  That's a homophobic myth.

To prove that she's straight, Daniel asks the woman if she wants pot or mescaline.  She wants both.  "Classic lesbian!" Fabiana cries in triumph. 

They pick up Sebastian's girlfriend, Lucia.  The boy-girl couples are all holding hands and getting lovey-dovey.  There's a split-second scene of two boys hugging, but I can't tell who they are.  

Scene 3: A movie guy announces the 10th anniversary of Sebastian's movie, Despecha ("Dumped").   Now in 3-D.  They have premieres of movies that have been out for ten years?  We see a scene from Despecha 2, mostly Sebastian kissing Lucia.

The mc tells us that the movie was terrible, and Sebastian hasn't done anything since.  Wait -- did we flash to the future?

Sebastian and company, now four boy-girl couples holding hands, arrive at the big premiere and get mobbed by fans.  His agent tells him that the market for rom-com heartthrobs is overcrowded, so he'll never work again.  You tell your client this at his big premiere?

Sebastian is interviewed -- "What have you been doing for the last ten years?" "I'm...er...working on some...er...projects."  Is this the premiere of the movie or the 10th year celebration?

The friends discuss their lack of success - living on Dad's money, continually being "between jobs," working on "some...er...projects."  

Scene 4: Sebastian's three male friends -- Fish, Daniel, and Gonzalo (Octavio Hinojosa) -- in a stairwell.  Fish is yelling into the telephone: "This is the best day of my life.  Don't fuck it up!"  Wait -- I thought it was the best day of Sebastian's life, and Fish was just part of his entourage.  Apparently the mariachi band is late, which will ruin Sebastian's proposal.  

Switch to all the boy-girl couples watching the movie and kissing.  Daniel's girlfriend asks him to "whip it out" so she can perform fellatio.  This draws the attention of an usher, who tells them to tone it down.  So she drags him into the men's room and orders "Take off your clothes!"  Gross.

In the women's room, Fabiana asks Sebastian's other female friend,  the one she thinks is a lesbian, "Do you like Gonzalo?" She does.  But be careful: Gonzalo treats women like objects  "to play with or bet on."  "He's planning to fuck you in the ass, and post it on the internet."  The non-lesbian is shocked: "We're not in college.  We don't do that."  They decide to get even.

Back in the theater, the movie is over, so Sebastian and Lucia stand, bow, and kiss.  

Scene 5:  It's time for the post-movie questions and answers.  Everyone returns to the theater.  Fish is with a mysterious man that we haven't seen before.  Sebastian begins the marriage proposal.  Hundreds of people gasp and begin filming him.  Lucia is shocked.  Before she can answer, a journalist shows a video of Lucia screwing another guy.  He starts yelling at the journalists, and assaults one.

Scene 6: Everyone walking out of the theater, discussing the situation: Lucia did something horrible, and is Sebastian ok?  they find him holding hands with a fan, and console him: "You're going to be single now.  Being single is great!"

Suddenly the dog that Fish was babysitting commits suicide by jumping off a ledge.  This is a horrifying scene.  It is played as a joke.  The end.

Beefcake: Sebastian is semi-nude while kissing girls.  Not impressive.

Gay Characters:  My only hope is that Fish was lying about the girlfriend, and later comes out.  Um...based on this scene, I'm guessing not.

Confusing Plotlines:  The premiere was for a 3-D version of the movie.

Dog Suicide:  Even if there were gay characters, this would be enough for me to turn off the series forever.

My Grade: F