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Nov 2, 2022

"Unhuman": Trans Girl Fights Zombies, Sort Of

  I'm sick today, so I want something that doesn't require concentration, like a zombie movie, Unhuman.  Haven't we seen enough of those?


Scene 1:
 A middle-aged gender-indeterminant person is  packing a lunch (actress Brianne Tju is a trans woman, so I'll go with she/her).    Her daughter comes in and criticizes her -- for not having any fun in high school!  Wait -- she's the child?  She looks older than the actress playing her mother!  The middle-aged teenager -- Ever -- disapproves of high school, with all the sex, drinking, and drugs: "It's like chemical warfare."  So, is she an immortal, which is why she is named Ever, and why she acts like an old codger? 

Scene 2:  Her friend Tamra arrives, and criticizes her outfit: "You're dressed like my Grandpa!"  Sounds like Ever is trans, and her friend is not quite used to the she/her pronouns yet.  .  Show some skin!  How do you expect Steven to get turned on?" 

They're so busy arguing that Tamra hits a cyclist!  He -- Randall  (Benjamin Wadsworth) -- crashes into some garbage bags and emerges swinging, but when he sees that the driver was The Girl, he's all smiles.  Even though his drawings of disturbing monsters have been scattered.


Three more students pull up in a convertible and make fun of Randall: Hunt (CJ LeBlanc), Danny (Uriah Shelton, left), and a girl.  They complement Tamra's body and zoom off.

Tamra insults Randall; Ever wants to be nice, but Tamra drags them off.  






Scene 3:
Everyone gets on the school bus with their chaperone (Peter Giles), who looks like a fugitive from a 1970s disco inferno.  He collects their cell phones, and insults Ever for not having one. Another girl for having braces.  And everyone insults Randall.  These people are just plain cruel.  A fat kid enters, and they turn their attention to fat-shaming. 



The guy that Ever is crushing on, Steven (Drew Scheid), enters, and Ever has to be restrained from bolting.  "How am I supposed to spend three hours with a boy who looks like that?"  "Chill -- maybe you'll get laid!" On a school field trip?

Scene 4: On the way, they're insulting each other at random and using bad words, when suddenly blood or paint splashses on the windsheld, and they go off the embankment into  ravine. Blood splatters everywhere, and a girl vomits in slow motion.

Scene 5: Gasping, coughing, bleeding, insulting, and something keeps thudding on the bus roof!  Call for help.  A message from Civil Defense comes on the radio, informing them that "We are under siege by a chemical attack.  Proceed to the nearest fallout shelter.  Just when you thought the day couldn't get any worse....

A bloody person (or zombie) knocks at the door.  Bus driver wants to let them in. Chaperone insults him,, but consents.  The zombie eats his face off, and then starts grabbing on the kids.  The survivors run out the emergency exit.

Outside, it's all foggy with the chemical agent.  Wouldn't they target population centers, not the wilderness?

Scene 6: They run to a house.  Danny bursts in, and falls onto a pile of animal guts.  No one will help him out. Serves you right for insulting everyone

They pick a direction that isn't making scary snarling sounds, and keep going.  

Danny insults their belief that it could be zombies: "This isn't a comic book!  You shut-ins nead to learn the difference between fantasy and reality."  

Scene 7: Next, an abandoned building covered with graffiti and street art.  While the "real men" secure the facility, Randall, Steven, and Ever (the nice ones) scrounge some sticks and lacrosse paddles that can be used as weapons. What about food and water?  

Various kids pair off to bond or insult each other.  The three nice ones discuss their constant bullying.  Does it get better when you graduate high school?  Heck, it was better in high school.  I got all of my bullying victimization in grade school and junior high.  

Scene 8:  Candace, one of the "randos" (kids left behind on the bus), is hiding in a van outside, while a metalhead zombie tries to get at her.  While they are arguing over whether to rescue  "a freak" who wears braces, she gets eaten.


The zombified bus driver breaks in, bringing the metalhead zombie with him (these zombies can run fast and use tools).  The kids run into a room filled with "rave shit," and encounter the fat rando, Ryan (Blake Burt, who is not at all overweight in real life).  Plot complication: Ryan and bad boy Danny used to be friends, before high school and the nonstop insulting.  

A group of zombies break in.  The kids flee.  Uh-oh, Hunt is left behind.  Danny rushes to save him, but he is dragged off.  The black guy is always the first to get murdered.

Scene 9: Danny cries over the loss of his friend.  Gay subtext?  There are life-sized mannikins that look like the regulars scattered all over.  "This isn't random," Danny exclaims.  "We were chosen."  Because you're assholes?

Bus driver zombie breaks in.  I keep wanting to say "Heeeere's Johnny!"    Randall splatters his head, and gets praised and hugged.

Danny got bit, and is turning, but he is determined to climb upstairs and save his friend Hunt.  He doesn't quite make it, instead, he starts growling, and attacks Ryan (the fat one who used to be his friend): "I lost it all at summer camp that year!  I changed everything about myself so I wouldn't vomit every time I looked in the mirror."  What was wrong with him?  Was this a fat camp?  At that moment, he gets zombie splattered, and resurrected.  "What in the uppercase fuck was that?"

Scene 10: Looks like it's only Randall, Ryan, Steven, Ever, and two other girls.  Ever find a radio: hey, it's normal broacasting! The emergency evacuation message is on a cassette tape! When he discovers that she knows the truth, Steven injects her with something: "You weren't supposed to find out!  I'm sorry!"  Randall complements him: "You had to do it."

I'll stop the scene by scene there.

Spoiler alert:  This was all staged by the bullied kids to get even with their bullies.  There were no zombies.  No one was actually killed, although Danny hurt his leg.  Everyone gets back on the bus and goes home.  The bullies, properly chastised, buddy up with their former victims...who put them through hell for the last 2 hours?

I did not see that plot twist coming. But I don't believe it for a second. 

Is Ever Trans:  After the "Grandpa" quip, it's not implied again, so I doubt it. 

Is Ever Immortal:  No.  That was just a tease.

 

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