"Love Addicts": Don't Try to Google This German Sex-Negative TV Series

Love Addicts, a German tv series on Amazon Prime,  puts Hamburg twenty-something Zoe into a group for Anonymous Love and Sex Addicts, where she meets her three buds: "romance addict Nele, relationship-challenged Ben, and yes-man Dennis."  It's impossible to research online: google "Love Addicts," or even worse, "Love Addicts" and "gay," and a dozen services post advertisements on your social media and subscribe you to daily emails.  .

 But in Episode 7, Ben and Dennis move in together, so presumably they're a gay couple.

Scene 1: Louis (Slavko Popadic, top photo) and Romance Addict Nele hold hands as they enter a coffee shop, happy to be among "normal people" again: no worries about bursting into a circle jerk.  But Nele suddenly sees everyone in the coffee shop naked (all girls except for a fat tattooed guy, who is presented as grotesque).  She calls them all "perverts" and rushes away!

Scene 2: At the Love Addicts meeting, Nele complains that boyfriend Louis has been ghosting her since the coffee house breakdown.

The problem: ever since she found out that her parents were "swingers" (into hooking up), she sees naked people everywhere.  She even sees the group as naked: 

Relationship Challenged Ben (Dmitri Abold, left), Yes Man Dennis (Anselm Bresgott), and two girls (breasts obscured). The therapist determines that she is suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder.  Rather a sex-negative diagnosis.  If Mom and Dad are both ok with it, why should Nele care?  It doesn't affect her in any way.

On to Relationship Challenged Ben: a "sad clown" because his Mom kicked him out of the house.  After six episodes, shouldn't they have finished the digging into the causes of their disorders?  He's afraid of commitment, so he hooks up and then calls an Uber. 

On to Yes Man Dennis: he's angry with Yvonne, because he can't say "no."  Who's Yvonne?  I thought he was dating Ben.

Back to Nele: the gang decides to find her the "perfect position" by throwing a housewarming party for Ben and Dennis.

Scene 3: The houseewarming party?  Dozens of twentysomethings dancing and carousing, all boy-couples as far as I can tell.  Ben and Dennis stand in the kitchen, hugging and looking horrified.  

Dennis advises Ben to not have sex with Romance Addict Nele, because she'll expect them to spend the rest of their lives together, and be devastated when he calls an Uber.  Wait -- I thought Ben and Dennis were a couple.  Why the heck did they move in together, if they're both straight?

Two guys, Bernd (Bryan Lomuria) and Marco (Nil Neumann), ask where the bathroom is.  Since this show has been entirely heterosexist (and sex-negative) so far, I assume that they want to do drugs, not have sex.  Dennis practices saying "no" by refusing to tell them.

Scene 4:  Ok, I was mistaken: Zoe bursts  into the bathroom to find Bernd and Marco kissing in the bathtub (fully clothed).  They ask her to join in, but she refuses.  So they're bi?  Well, at least same-sex desire exists, sort of.  

Romance Addict Nele enters to pee, and  leaves without her phone.  Boyfriend Louis calls, but Zoe refuses to go fetch Nele for him.

Cut to Zoe and the bi guys sitting in the bathtub so Zoe can diss Louis, Romance Addict Nele's boyfriend: "Super boring. I hate him! "I had a Louis once," Femme Stereotype Bernd swishes: "Small penis, big mouth."  They conclude that Zoe is actually interested in Louis.

Cut to Romance Addict Nele, in a 1960s Carnaby Street outfit, gyrating, drinking, and asking if anyone is into hooking up.  Everyone is.

Back at the bathroom, the bi guys are giving Zoe relationship advice: "Just tell him how you feel.  Or tell Nele.  Or date us." 

Uh-oh, Nele's phone has been on the whole time: Boyfriend Louis heard everything!

Bryan Lomuria has four credits on IMDB, but does not exist on Google.  It keeps wanting me to search for "Lemuria" instead.  Nil Neumann (left) exists only on a German actor website.

Scene 5: Relationship-Challenged Ben and Yes-Man Dennis cuddling on a couch.  They are certainly as physical as a romantic couple.  They watch in horror as Nele leads the group in a strip tease; Ben rushes up to stop her, but she drags him into his room to have sex.

Yvonne, the woman who Dennis was angry with, enters and says hello.  He runs away, but she catches up and drags onto the balcony to have sex.

Louis (Romance Addict Nele's boyfriend, who heard Zoe mention her crush on him) enters.  Zoe runs away and calls the therapist: "Help!  This is all fucked up!"  Why is she so invested in stopping her friends from having sex?    Is Love Addicts like Alcoholics Anonymous, where you're never supposed to drink again?  

Scene 6:  Romance Addict Nele half-naked, gyrating on the bed, while Relationship-Challenged Dennis tries to avoid having sex with her.  He explains that he doesn't want to hurt her by leaving afterwards, but she notes that it's his room.  He still refuses.  They end up cuddling, which Nele discovers is her "favorite position."

Meanwhile, Yes-Man Dennis explains to his girlfriend Yvonne that he doesn't want to have sex with her, for some reason.  The group?

Meanwhile, Zoe is trying to avoid having sex with  Romance Addict Nele's boyfriend Louis, because she doesn't want to hurt her.  She gets out of it by eating peanuts, so she'll have an allergic reaction and have to go to the hospital.  But -- darn it -- Louis is a doctor, so he calls an ambulance and treats her himself.  They kiss, but Zoe feels guilty afterwards: "I always fuck things up!"

Scene 7: She stumbles back into the party, and sits on the couch.  Fast forward through people around her kissing, eating, smoking, and finally leaving, and it's morning. 

   

Yes-Man Dennis is asleep with his head in Yvonne's crotch (bare back only, no butt).

Ben and Nele are asleep together.

The bi guys, having entered the story only to give advice, are gone.

The feet of the therapist enter, piecing their way through the scattered food, drugs, broken bottles, and passed-out people, to the couch.  Zoe awakens and screams!  All of them have screwed up and had sex or romance! 

Beefcake: Some male nudity, but always presented as something disturbing.

Gay Characters: The bi guys, but Berndt appears in only two episodes, and Marco just in one.

Heterosexism: Everywhere.

Sex: Terrible, especially sex outside a committed relationship.  Hook up, and you will cause endless trauma, either to your partner or to your loved ones.

My Grade: D