In 2015, Robert Oberst wrote and starred in Proper Gym Etiquette, a six minute comedy video directed by Charlie Rice. I would definitely like to show it to some of the guys at my gym.
The premise: If you see a breach of etiquette, you can call for The Monster (Robert), who grabs, throws, pummels, and yells at the offender. (The examples are all g-rated; I added the nudes to the NSFW version, and a few of my own rules).
1. Keep the noise down! Don't you hate those loud grunts?
2. Re-rack your weights! It's really annoying to have to rack somebody else's before you can put yours on.
3. No food in the gym! Who wants to lift while sitting in someone's Dorito crumbs?
4. No curling in the squat bars! What if somebody is waiting to use the equipment properly?
5. No groups taking turns on a machine! A workout partner is fine, but wants to wait 20 minutes while four guys go through their sets?
More after the break
6. No criticizing beginners! People who are not physically fit should feel welcome at the gym. That's what it's for!
7, Wipe off your sweat! And other fluids, including that disgusting, slimy sanitizer stuff. No one wants to sit in that!
8. Dress appropriately! Keep your shirt on, for hygiene and safety!
9. Wear a towel in the locker room! Some people might not want to see your junk.
10. Lock your locker! It's not just a matter of protecting your stuff. Imagine the embarrassment of a guy who thinks that a locker is vacant, opens it, and finds all your stuff there. It's humiliating!
11. No hogging the machines! Don't rest more than a minute between reps, and get up between sets so other people can have a turn.
12. And absolutely no bullying!
The Monster tells us that he doesn't enjoy hurting people; he prefers hugs to punches. But duty calls...
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