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Dec 31, 2023

"Real Bros of Simi Valley": L.A. suburb bros seek romance, bromance, and career success. Not in that order.


The Real Bros of Simi Valley 
is a mocumentary series on Youtube and Facebook Watch,  parodying those over-the-top reality shows like Real Husbands of Cucamonga.  It features two brothers and their two friends pushing 30 in Simi Valley, a distant, distant suburb of Los Angeles. I guess the idea is that it's not at all glamorous.   I reviewed Episode 2.2, "Obnoxiously Depressed."

Scene 1: At Cal's Surf and Skate shop, Duncan (Nick Colletti) has just been dumped by his girlfriend, and calls to beg her to take him back: "You're  my angel, you're my sweet little vanilla bean." Tyler (Skyler Gisondo) asks him to run the cash register, but he gets ballistic and throws the keys away. Tylet asks if he's upset, and he denies it.

Next, Tyler is interviewed:  Duncan didn't tell him that he had been dumped, but it was obvious.  He is being obnoxiously depressed, not only collapsing behind the counter to cry, but throwing clothes around and yelling "F*ck off!" to a customer.  They're losing business, so Tyler has to call the owner, who also happens to be Duncan's dad.

Scene 2:  Dad bursts into the shop and finds Duncan crying in the stockroom.  He explains that his girlfriend broke off the engagement.  It seems that she didn't want to marry him, but when he asked, she said "yes" because she didn't want to "kii the vibe." Dad gives him the day off to mope, but then suggests he find a new wave to surf.

Scene 3: A Skate Park.  Bryce (Tanner Getter) performs, while his coach Brayson (Eric Walbridge) films him. They discuss skating in the Simi Valley Pro Am: it could be Bryce's comeback, the road to full-time shredding (skating). Besides, it pays $500. You can buy a lot of weed with that!


Cut to Franco's Tacos.  Xander (Jimmy Tatrom left)  and Johnny (Peter Gilroy, top photo) are eating and discussing Duncan (the dumped guy).  His social media posts have been suspiciously cheerful. Something is wrong.

More gossip:Xander's girlfriend, with whom he has a one-year old son, is avoiding him.  Something else is wrong. 


Scene 4
: Community College of Moorpark ( a real place).  Like all college classes on tv, the photography class meets in a giant lecture hall. Wade (Cody Ko) tells us that his first assignment is to capture a moment in nature.  Plus there are some babes hitting on him. He loves the class!

On the negative side, he doesn't like his roommate Aldis (Christian A. Pierce, left, also the show's co-creator).  He does yoga in the middle of the room and invades his Wade's body space. Plus he shaves his legs -- on Wade's bed! 

Scene 5: Bar. Four women are having lunch.  Xander's girlfriend explains why she is avoiding him: she hates his new soul patch; it looks ridiculous. Problem solved. 

Scene 6:  Xander (the one with the infant son) and Wade (the skateboarder), brothers, are hanging out in their parents' house, discussing Duncan's plight.  He comes in to announce that he is over the breakup and feeling great, but then he goes out to the porch and cries.

Scene 7: Duncan decides that his only option is to quit his job at the surf shop, so he goes to his Dad's house.  Dad is hooking up with two girls that Duncan knew in high school. He is invited to join in, but he refuses and goes to his room and listens to depressing music.  Dad stops in to see if he's ok; they hug. 


Scene 8:
 Community College of Moorpark.  Bryce's roommate Aldis invites him to come "burn" with him.  He refuses.  Aldis assures him that it's ok if you don't burn, but Bryce, his masculinity threatened, gets all defensive and yells that he burns all the time.

I figured that to "burn" was something sexual, in order to for Bryce to feel so threatened, but it seems to mean mix Ecstasy with amphetamine.  The end.

Beefcake: None.

Heterosexism: Two of the four plotlnes involve girlfriend trouble, and the third involves babes.  Only Bryce the Skateboarder seems to have another goal in life. I didn't like Dad having a three-way with two girls, and inviting his son to join in.

Gay Characters: Aldis exhibits a lot of gay-stereotype behavior, but searching for "Real Bros of Simi Valley" and "gay" yields nothing.  Maybe he's just a feminine straight guy.

Analysis: I kept waiting for something interesting to happen, but nothing ever did.  The first scene is sort of funny,expecially Skyler Gisondo's low-key performance,  but then it devolves into people having conversations about other people.

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