Gemstones Episode 2.5: Yep, Kelvin is gay. But there's embezzlement and murder, too, and some accountant cocks

  

This is the G-rated review of the episode, in case you want the insightful analysis without the nude accountants

Nope, let's see the cocks

Episode 2.5 is a flashback to Christmas 1993.  Since two of the season's big questions are "Did Eli kill Glendon Marsh?" and "Is Junior trying to kill to get revenge?" we get some Eli-Glendon back story.

Knives or nunchuks? As the family is photographed at the Gemstone Christmas tree, Judy torments 4-year old Kelvin.  Jesse says that he's going to give him a weapon for Christmas, so he can defend himself: "Knives, or nunchuks."  Eli forbids him from giving his brother weapons.  Jesse complains that he's going to grow up to be "a pussy."  He explains that a pussy is someone who doesn't like to do things and is afraid of everything.  Sounds sort of like a gay stereotype.

You have to think of the optics: Eli is planning to move the Salvation Center to a giant coliseum.  The church board complains that he can't afford it: he's already spent church money on a private zoo and amusement park.  Hey, that's embezzlement!  They also advise that "the rich pastor is not a good look."  But Eli won't listen: "I cannot imagine a more ridiculous comment.  Big means success. People want to see something bigger than life." Well, this is during the tail-end of the Reagan-Bush "wealth is virtue" era.\ \\

"But we're spending more than we have!" accountant Terry (Mike Ostroski) complains. Gulp: Eli fires him!

Get that boy some mousse: Baby Billy shows up unexpectedly, having abandoned his wife Gloria and son (he claims that they abandoned him, but Aimee-Leigh calls her and discovers the truth).  

Kelvin: "Dang, Baby Billy is thirsty."  But Billy isn't drinking anything.  Does he mean "thirst trap'?  That expression won't be common until the 2010s, but apparently it is used here to indicate that he thinks his uncle is hot.  Remember that in Season 1, the adult Kelvin and Judy comment on the attractiveness of their grown-up nephew Gideon.  

Baby Billy tells Kelvin that his estranged wife said:  "You have the most boring haircut in the world.  Get that boy some mousse."  Kelvin is upset (concerned with his appearance, a gay stereotype). Remember that the adult Kelvin uses mousse to create that upward wave.

Later, Kelvin demonstrates that he can play the harpsichord blindfolded (um..big deal?  Nobody looks down at the keys while playing).  Baby Billy calls him a prodigy and hugs and kisses him, obviously looking for a brainy replacement for his special-needs son.  The siblings scoff.  This musical talent is never referenced again.

The Return of Glendon Marsh:  As Eli walks through the office, everyone smiles and says "Good morning, Dr. Gemstone."  Everybody.  It looks creepy rather than friendly. "Be nice, or he'll turn you into a toad." 

His new accountant, Martin, starts off on the wrong foot by sitting in his chair!  

 Glendon Marsh, his boss when he was wrestling and breaking thumbs back in Memphis, shows up unexpectedly and asks Eli to take care of $3,000,000 that he doesn't want the government to know about, and he can keep $1,000,000 for his trouble.  Hey, that's money laundering!  But Eli has already been embezzling, so what's the difference?  Aimee-Leigh and Martin disapprove, and Eli finally refuses. 

The Sleepover:  Baby Billy and Kelvin are playing hide-and-seek or something on bunk beds, while Jesse lies in a sleeping bag.   The top bunk is fenced in, so you don't accidentally fall out.  This must be Kelvin's room. 

Judy enters with her own sleeping bag, angry that she wasn't invited. Jesse explains that it was impromptu: nothing going on in his room, so he came in here, looking for action.  "What'd you find?" Judy asks. "Uncle Tickles molesting Kelvin? Flopping that little dong?" This is the first of three pedophilia references this season, and another of  the incessant digs about Kelvin's penis.  No wonder the adult Kelvin is afraid to show it to Keefe. 

Baby Billy tells her to "hush that kind of talk.  Ain't nobody playing dong pong in here."  But suddenly Kelvin doesn't want his uncle to sleep with them. Wait -- I thought they had a special bond.  Is it because of the pedophilia accusation?  Or is he self-conscious because Judy dissed his penis?

Muscle and Fitness: Holy sh*t, there's a cover of  Muscle and Fitness magazine taped to the wall!  It's only visible for a second before Judy turns off the light, but holy sh*t. "Mama, please buy me that magazine.  I know I can't read yet -- I want to look at the hot guys."

If it is meant to signify Kelvin's interest in muscle, why just a man on the cover?  I worked for Muscle and Fitness back in the day, and the cover always featured a man and a woman together or a celebrity bodybuilder like Lou Ferrigno.  The set dresser  chose  this one deliberately to signify that Kelvin likes men  (or had it made up. That cover did not appear on any issue from 1990 to 1995).

Christmas Day:  . I couldn't tell if Kelvin received any gay-coded gifts.  Baby Billy asks for his help in opening his present, and at the Christmas service they sing together and hug, so they are apparently friends again. 

That night, Jesse and Kelvin are playing their Double Dragon arcade game -- call back to Episode 1.1 -- while Eli and Aimee-Leigh discuss the move to the coliseum.  How can they afford it, when they're broke? 

Suddenly accountant Martin Imari appears -- no security station yet, just a buzzer.  Eli lets him in -- but Glendon Marsh has him at gunpoint!  Glendon orders Eli to take the money, or he'll kill his family.   Then Eli's dad, Roy Gemstone, appears and shoots Glendon.  He has dementia, and has been running around in his underwear, asking "Are we going hunting?", so it is unclear whether he is saving Eli or just shooting. 

Martin and Eli bury the body under the site for the new rollercoaster at the amusement park, thus explaining the obsessive riding.   

In the present, we see Eli riding the roller coaster, looking grim, while Junior, Glendon's son, looks at old photos and plays with a gun.

Accountant cock on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends