Gemstones Episode 2.6: Yep, they have s*x. Plus Judy grows a heart, Torsten a brain, and Amber the noive

 

Link to the NSFW version.

Episode 2.6 has that controversial scene that fans are still arguing about, three seconds that have been analyzed backward and forward, frame by frame. Are they doing it or getting dressed?  But really, it's so obvious that it could become an adult videowith only a few minor changes in the actors' dirctions. It's so obvious that I can't even put a screen shot at the top photo without getting a "sensitive" tag.   But first we have some unfinished business to attend to.

The Cycle Ninjas:  We begin immediately after the Cycle Ninja attack in Episode 2.4.  Jesse and Amber grab guns and fire on them as they zoom off, grazing one.  He falls off  his motorcycle, but jumps onto his colleague's and gives them the finger.

The family, except for Kelvin, gather in Eli's drawing room to discuss the incident with the sheriff.  Judy thinks that it was a case of road rage.  Sheriff Brenda thinks that it was a botched robbery by some teenagers: professional assassins would have finished the job.  Eli is sure that Junior sent the Cycle Ninjas to kill him.  Other family members are at risk too, so he puts the compound on lockdown.

Judy complains about being stuck at home, with Tiffany living there after Baby Billy abandoned her. "She cleans everything with vinegar."  Not the time, girl.  Eli agrees: "Are you incapable of thinking of anyone but yourself?"

Out on the porch, Eli asks if Jesse has been to see Kelvin: "No. we ain't friends.  He grew up to be a nerd." 

The Second Dressing Room Scene

We cut to a full body front-and-rear shot of Kelvin, as he stands in front of the mirror in his dressing room. "Look at me," he tells Keefe, "A grotesque reflection of what I once was." Dude, you're not going to get any sympathy with that incredible body on display.

 He is distraught over the fight with his father and the loss of the God Squad; he has been de-manned by the symbolic castration. Why should he get dressed?  "I shall remain hidden, like the beast I've become."

 Keefe advises that dressing for the day "soothes the soul," and drops to his knees.  Kelvin pushes his head forward and down to begin oral actiivty.  We see and (and hear) his climax and conclusion.  Keefe swallows and says "nice." 

The scene lasts only a few seconds, and thus is easy to miss (I missed it the first time).  And it is immersed in the act of getting dressed.  Viewers are expected to be unsure whether they did it or not, thus continuing the "are they or aren't they?" speculation. 

But the "they didn't do it" theory makes no sense: 

While stepping into his Tommy Johns, Kelvin steadies himself by pushing on Keefe's head. You steady yourself on your friend's shoulders, not on his head.

Using his hands to push is painful.  Elsewhere he is shown using the palms and base of his hands without pain.  

Keefe says "nice" because...um... Go on? 

Structurally, it is a logical conclusion of the first dressing room scene.  Keefe rejects Kelvin's invitation, and then initiates it.

It makes sense for Kelvin's character. He that his injury has rendered him impotent in a society dedicated to the phallus, grotesque in a society that prizes male beauty.   What better way to demonstrate that he is still potent, still beautiful? 

It makes sense for Keefe's character.  You've just gotten a good look at the amazingly hot backside of the Man of Your Dreams, and now you are kneeling with your face three inches from his amazingly hot c*ck --aroused by your proximity.  What guy could resist going down?

Afterwards, Keefe helps Kelvin get dressed, boops his nose, and puckers up for a kiss.  Kelvin moves in, then changes his mind and abruptly turns aside.  He still resists the idea of romantic love, but he is gradually coming around.

Down in the yard, the God Squad is running a motorcycle over the tennis court and otherwise wilding.  They've even moved into the house.  Kelvin is horrified: "Our empire is crumbling."  Notice that it's now "our" empire; they are equal partners.  Keefe encourages him to prove that he is still strong, physically and mentally: "Your will is not broken, even though your thumbs are."

Judy Grows a Heart:  Judy is signing fan photos with a d*ck and "stay horny,"  while Tiffany calls the area hospitals to see if Baby Billy was  admitted.  Judy scoffs: "He abandoned you."  But Tiffany can't believe it.  Maybe he's still looking for Funyons, and will return with the car loaded-down with them. Maybe he had a stroke, and doesn't remember who he is.  What if he's dead?  

Tiffany starts to cry,  and Judy starts to feel compassion, "thinking of someone other than herself" for maybe the first time in her life. This reminds me of the Tin Man in The Wizard of Oz: "If I only had a heart."

Amber Grows Courageous.  Next the Cowardly Lion: "If I only had the noive." At the marital support group, Amber brags about how she chased off the Cycle Ninjas and shot one from 50 yards away.  The women cheer.  Jesse, feeling threatened, argues that they were both shooting, and it's unclear who actually "grazed " the Ninja,  The women aren't having it.  Amber luxuriates in the cheers, feeling for the first time that she's her own person, not just an extension of her partner. 

 Later, Jesse's crew tries to console him for being de-manned by his wife. They suggest some buddy-bonding over craft beers, but he refuses.  He's too upset about "the whole church sucking my wife's dick." Another call-back to Kelvin's blow job.

Holding hands in front of the God Squad: In the gym, Kelvin addresses the God Squad's concerns that his broken thumbs make him an inappropriate leader.  He proves his strength by offering them  "Strawberry Shortcake Bahama Bro Smoothies."  and suggests that they join hands to pray about it. 

Keefe reaches over to take Kelvin's hand, but look at his procedure.  He moves in to position near Kelvin's elbow, brings both of their arms together, and moves down.  He is, in effect, caressing Kelvin's arm, a more romantic gesture than a platonic hand-holding. Kelvin pushes him away: "I didn't mean me."  Because touching his broken thumb is painful, or because holding hands is painful?

The God Squad wonders how he can lead them on missions when he can't even lift a smoothie.  He tries, but spills it all over!  The guys laugh and make rude gestures. Keefe tries to comfort him with a hug, but Kelvin brushes him away.

Finally, Torsten -- the scarecrow, "if I only had a brain" -- figures out that he, and other God Squad members, are twice the size of Kelvin.  He should be leader: "Kelvin, I challenge you!"

"But Torsten, you're my gentle giant," Kelvin protests.  Another favorite?  Have they been in the steam showers together? 

They all rush out for the cross-bearing challenge. 

More after the break

The Second Cross-Raising Test: This time the contestants not only have to carry the gigantic phallic symbol, they have to push  nto an upright position.  So whoever achieves a proper er ection is the leader.  And it goes on like that. What do you expect from a society dedicated to homoerotic desire?

First Torstein tries, and succeeds!  "He got it,,, up!" Liam exclaims. 

It's Kelvin's turn, but since he is injured, Keefe goes in his stead.  First he strips to his jock strap.  "You don't have to...." Kelvin begins, but then he likes what he sees and says "Ok."  

Keefe does several splits on the ground, presenting himself as a valid object of desire.  We get a shot of a very interested muscleman; apparently Kelvin didn't realize that a group of gay alphas was bound to include a few tops.  

Keefe tries, but staggers under the heavy weight.  A concerned boyfriend, Kelvin yells "Get it off him!", and the contest ends. 

Moderator Sky (Joel Rush, left and below) asks: "Do you concede?"

Kelvin kneels and indicates that he does. Torsten achieved the best erection, so he will now lead the God Squad. 

Sky: "Clean your underwears out of the master. Torsten stays there now."

Two questions: Why underwear, and not all of his clothes?  Because underwear has a se xual connotation.  Kelvin's er otic supremacy is over.

Why underwears?   Usually underwear is a mass noun, like water or rice.  It doesn't have a plural. Sky is referring to two sets of underwear, Kelvin's and Keefe's.  They share the master bedroom, so both are ejected.

Jesse tries to man up:   Jesse and the family watch Wonder Woman (har-har) and discuss who shot the Cycle Ninja.  Everybody thinks that it was Amber, which Jesse continues to find emasculating. Amber mollifies him: you were trying to help.  You're just a terrible shot.  This was not a symbolic castration, but we can still find a parallel with Kelvin's loss of power with the God Squad.  

She continues, whispering in his ear like Lady Macbeth: Why do you need your Daddy's permission.  You're a man, aren't you?  Take care of the Junior problem yourself: Just do it.  Send a message. 

Left: Justin Deeley as Macbeth

Inspired by a painting of David and Goliath, he distributes slingshots to the men's group and asks for volunteers to go to Memphis and "beat the shit out of some guys."  He needs a second chance to "be a man."  

Eli tries to reconcile:  BJ visits Eli in his office and tells him what we've all been thinking all season: "This family is dysfunctional."  They hold in their pain and anger until it comes out in weird ways, like Kelvin starting the God Squad or Eli breaking his thumbs.  Although not yet willing to be called "Daddy," Eli acknowledges BJ by shaking his hand.  He rushes home to tell Judy and Tiffany.

Inspired by BJ's tough talk, Eli drives to Kelvin's house.  He finds Keefe imprisoned in a tiger cage, with a glory hole so the God Squad can assault him whenever they want.  Eli knows exactly what is going on, and gives him a hasty wave.  "Thank you for the recognition, sir," Keefe responds.  This is the first time anyone in the family has acknowledged his existence, a call-back to BJ getting Eli's acknowledgement earlier.

Kelvin  has become the God Squad's servant, on his knees, scrubbing the floor in the gym (shirtless, of course, an object of desire even when he is being humiliated).  Wait -- why is he bathed in pink, a feminine-coded color?

Kevin lambasts Eli for not acknowledging his hard work; everyone thinks of him as a joke, a youth minister who peaked at age 12.  

Plus he's upset about the aggravated assault, of course. He complains that Keefe has to hold his d*ck when he urinates, or he'll splash himself in the face.

Wait -- what?  That's impossible.  Unless you're standing on your head, the urine flows down, and you'll need an attendant to pull it out of your pants, not to direct your flow.  You can buy a funnel for that purpose, or just sit down.  

You can hit yourself in the face while doing something else, and asking Keefe to help out would certainly solve the problem.  But why would Kelvin complain about that?  Especially to his father,  who just saw Keefe at a glory hole and is bound to make the connection?  

The statement makes no sense in-universe.  It is apparently meant for the viewers, to evoke thoughts of Kelvin's d(\*ck and Keefe on his knees.

I take out my d*ck when I pee:  Opening shots of Junior and the Tan Man in his Memphis wrestling studio.  Junior asks "Got any blow?" and receives a packet of cocaine. He goes outside to snort some, then pauses to urinate on an old video game.  

Suddenly Jesse says "D*ck's out, playboy."  So he and his crew drove over 600 miles?

"I'm aware. I take my d*ck out when I pee."  This is a reflection of the earlier scene where Kelvin complains that Keefe has to hold his d*ck when he pees.

Jesse's crew approaches, armed with slingshots and rocks, like David used to slay Goliath.  Junior finds this humorous, until Jesse pulls a gun and threatens to come after his family: "Grandparents, kids, special needs."  We have no information about Junior's family.  He does not appear to be married.

Matthew suggests ra ping them, and Gregory specifies "Not the women.  We don't ra pe women."  So they only ra pe men?  Does that make the threat more or less severe?

No, no one is being ra ped tonight, Jesse says,  but if anyone was to be rap ed, it would be Junior. He describes the act in detail.  

Wait -- if Junior sent the Cycle Ninjas, why doesn't he admit it?  And if he didn't, why doesn't he ask what Jesse is talking about?  All he and Eli did was have dinner one night and go bowling and pick up girls the next.

Junior is not threatened by the idea of.  In fact, he seems to rather like the idea of Jesse and his crewe topping him.  Jesse  "reminds me of your daddy when he was a young man."  So Eli was a top?  I can see that.

They sling some of their shots around. Jesse warns Junior to stay away from his family, or he will be killed.  Junior agrees, and Jesse and the crew run away, whooping in slow motion celebration.

The Cycle Ninjas: Later, probably the same night, Eli is driving near the compound, when he is accosted by Cycle Ninjas.  They shoot him several times.  He crashes through a construction barracade. 

Nobody could survive all that!  Eli is dead!   The end. 

See: Joel Rush's Hot Photos, Part 1: Why does everybody else in his movies get n*ked

See: Deep reading of the Episode 2.6 S*x Scene

Brock Cock, Part 2: Brock O'Hurn plays Torsten, Hulk Hogan, Zeus, and Super Hot Warrior Man, with that famous d*ck shot

Tony's Hot Photos, Part 3: A rooster, a rodent, neopagan pe nises, Adam Devine, and Corey B's frontside

Next: Episode 2.7: Holding hands among the yurts and eating pizza for desserts.  With a Jonathan Bennett bonus