16 years after we said goodbye to the kids smoking pot in the Forman basement on That 70s Show, their own kids have returned in That 90s Show. The premise: Eric and Donna's daughter Leia spends the summer with her grandparents, and has humorous misadventures with Michael and Jackie's son (Mace Coronel) and some other teens. Except now it's a more diverse crew: Ozzie, played by Reyn Doi, is Asian and gay.
The grandparents are still around, the original gang pops in from time to time, and there are guest spots from a lot of iconic teen hunks from the 1990s , such as Seth Green, left, Kevin Smith, Kadeem Hardison, and Brian Austin Green -- bonus dick and butt pics below.
I reviewed Episode 2.4, where we meet Ozzie's Canadian boyfriend, Etienne. Sort of.
Scene 1: In the iconic basement, Ozzie is excited that Etienne is coming to visit. The Hunk, Mace Coronel, sits with his arm around his girlfriend. The Dumb One, Maxwell Acee Donovan, has broken up with his girlfriend. A lot of heterosexual coupling going on.
The guys offer to give Ozzie a ride to the airport in their van, but Ozzie asked Mrs. Foreman to do it: he doesn't want Etienne to get off the plane and hate America. What about his parents? Oh, regular cast only.
Gwen enters and introduces them to her new "not my boyfriend," Cole, played by Niles Fitch.
Ozzie tells him that he ranks guys on looks, popularity, communiy service, and butt. He's #1. Cole: "I know. I got your letter." At least this isn't a neutered gay guy.
Everyone razzes Gwen: "Not your boyfriend, right! No way you're not dating!"
Scene 2: Red, the father from That 70s Show, is reading the newspaper and drinking coffee. He asks, "Can you top me off, Honey?"
"Sure, Babe," but it's not his wife Kitty, it's Ozzie, har har. He wants to know where Kitty is: she agreed to drive him to the airport, and they have to leave soon.
Next door neighbor Bob ( Don Stark), also Leia's other grandfather, wants to show Red his rattlesnake eggs. "No one will fall for that prank," Red complains. But Kitty falls for it, and she's so surprised that she topples over the couch!
Scene 3: Kitty has sprained her ankle. She told the neighborhood ladies about her injury, maybe exaggerating a little, or a lot -- "I may have said I had a collapsed lung" -- so they are bringing over casseroles.
Neighbor Bob advises against lying about the severity of her injury: once you reach a certain age, the number of available men goes into sharp decline, so if they think that Kitty is dying, they'll latch onto her husband...
Scene 4: Gwen, the one who's not-dating the new guy Cole, yells at the other girl -- about that "boyfriend" stuff. "Now he wants to have a talk about us! He wants to be my boyfriend!"
The other girl doesn't understand what's wrong with that. Isn't it the goal of life?
"I....um...have never been in a relationship before. I'm nervous."
"Just hold his hand and leave your heart open." Ugh.
Scene 5: Since Grandma Kitty can't drive, Ozzie has to allow the guys to drive him to the airport in their van. They agree to "no hot-boxing, no Dutch Ovens, no mooning, and no Jay Leno impressions."
Scene 6: One of the girls reports back to Kitty about the ladies flirting with Red: Pam is cooking him chicken. Kitty imagines her as singer Carmen Electra hanging all over him and cooking seductively: "Do you want to shake or bake?" She forces the girl to piggy-back her downstairs and yells "Get away from him, you slut!", but it turns out to be an elderly lady.
Scene 7: At the airport, Ozzie is nervous. The passengers from Quebec arrive. The Dumb One: "I never realized how much Canadians look like us." But boyfriend Etienne isn't there!
Meanwhile, Gwen tells Leia that she broke up with "not my boyfriend" Cole.
"But he could be the love of your life. My parents met in high school." Eric and Donna? Aren't they divorced?
Suddenly Cole appears. They have a heart-to-heart: "I'm scared," yada yada yada. Why does the straight couple get a happy ending, while the gay guy gets left at the airport door?
More after the break
Scene 8: At the bus station, the Hunk appears with candy and a balloon saying "It's a boy!" "They even had gay balloons," he exclaims.
Wait -- bus station? I thought it was the airport. It's a 29 hour train trip from Montreal to Milwaukee. No wonder Etienne bailed.
As they stand around, looking forlorn, a perv tries to pick them up. I don't understand the pedophilia joke. There was one in the earlier episode I reviewed. Is this an ongong thing?
Scene 9: Red and Kitty have a heart-to-heart about her anxieties, growing older, yada yada yada. They replay the "Shake and Bake" number.
Meanwhile, the guys drive home from the bus station, feeling forlorn. "It just hurts everywhere." They console Ozzie by letting him ride on top of the van. The end.
My grade: Red and Kitty rekindle their romance, Gwen and Cole fall in love, and the gay guy gets dumped by a boyfriend who doesn't even appear. I guess I should be happy that there's a gay guy at all.
Left: Bonus Brian Austin Green. He was cute in the 1990s.
Today, a bit craggier, and I don't dig the tattoos.
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