Link to the n*de photos
Scene 1: 2003. Sweetly, Minnesota, har har. Summer Fling -- her real name, har har! -- goes to a barn dance-themed party. Quinn (Griffin Gluck), the nerd with the unrequited crush on her, didn't think she would come, due to the serial killer targeting teens in the area. He tries to give her a card confessing his love, but before he has a chance, Ethan (Samuel Braun, below), the obnoxious jock whom she is dating, drags her off.
Cut to the dance. Jock Ethan suggests that they raise their cups in memorial to the three dead teens, while a Michael Myers-masked killer stalks outside, and a police car zooms over the bridge.
Uh-oh, Summer fling spills something, and goes to the empy bathroom to clean up. The state police arrive to break up the party, but Summer doesn't hear them. The killer arrives, chases her around, and finally grim-reaps her to death. So he was going to wait until the party emptied out except for one person?
Scene 2: April 18, 2024. Lucy awakens in her bed, goes out to a porch swing to mourn her dead sister, who she couldn't possibly have known -- and checks on the status of her application to a 3-month internship with NASA -- she got in!
She scooters through town , which is in decay -- graffiti everywhere, town clock smashed, stores closed. 20 years ago the Slasher killed four teens, and the town went into its downward spiral. Turn the slasher barn into a tourist attraction, like Lizzie Borden's house.
In school, she tells her science teacher that she got in. He's ecstatic. But she can't tell her parents because this is the anniversary of their daughter's murder.
Out in the hallway, the students are all talking about the murders -- the biggest event in the town's history. Two were killed in the mall. "What the heck is a mall?", someone asks. Another at the Marine Museum, and the fourth at the big dance.
Scene 4: At home, Lucy visits her sister's old room, kept up as a shrine. Overwhelmingly pink, a Buffy the Vampire Slayer poster, a landline phone, a creaking floorboard...wait, there's something under there -- notes. "Summer, now I'll be free, but you'll never be. You'll regret this." Girlfriend had lots of secrets.
Scene 5: Dinner at the Olive Garden The server brings the "Field Family Special," and announces "You look so much like her." Come on, it's been 20 years. How does a casual acquaintance even remember?
Mom and Dad (Michael Shanks, left) are walking shells, immersed in their grief like Miss Haversham moaning over that 30-year old wedding cake in Great Expectations. They had Lucy as a substitute, but they ignore her individuality and accomplishments and just treat her as a reminder of her dead sister.
Lucy comes clean about her internship offer. "WHAT? Go to DC for 3 months? It's full of serial killers! You can get a job at the tech company like me." My Dad assumed that I would be going to work in the factory. He only agreed to college when I got a full scholarship -- he figured I would go to work in the factory afterwards.
Next stop: The abandoned barn where Summer was murdered. They've built a shrine full of photos, ceramic horses, Barbie dolls, and teddy bears. Way more than 20. They must come here every week.
Uh-oh, Lucy forgot the offering she was going to leave. As she fetches it, she hears a machine beeping and thrumming from inside the barn! It's a weird techno-thing with a "start" button. Do not push "start" on a strange machine girl! She pushes it. Two lasers pop out and start thrumming, and zap! Her parents aren't around, and the barn is brand new. No bars on her cell phone -- no network! It's 2003!
Who put a time machine in the barn? This makes no sense.
More after the break
Scene 6: Dashing through the now-vibrant town: closed shops open again, the town clock good as new. To the high school. Wait -- she thinks it's early evening. Why not go home? Old-fashioned costumes and technology, and -- dead sister Summer walking in slow motion down the hall!
Lucy follows her as the first two murder victims announce that they're going to the mall. Uh-oh. Jock Ethan from the barn dance wants to know why she suddenly broke up with him, but she blows him off. Uh-oh, he's the murderer.
His friend tells him to forget it. They can have fun beating up "that nerd Quinn." Jerks!
To the science lab, where her teacher, Mr. Fleming, is still there. She asks his opinion on time travel. "We're all traveling through time -- forward, har har."
"That nerd Quinn," the one with an an unrequited crush on Summer, is so upset that he drops his beaker. Uh-oh, he's the murderer. Teacher notes that Nerd Quinn is a physics genius. So he's working in a chem lab because....
Quinn: "Time travel is definitely possible, but not a good idea because of the time paradoxes."
Scene 7: Out in the hallway, a group of bullies have cornered Nerd Quinn, and plan to throw him in the river. Others rush gleefully to watch. Jerks!
Lucy comes clean about being from the future, and proves it with her cell phone. Meanwhile, outside, Summer is having a heated argument with Emmy, the one who is murdered at the mall. Uh-oh, Summer is the murderer!
Then Summer comes inside and giggles and flirts with That Nerd Quinn -- just to get his chem homework. Jerk!
Scene 8: Next stop -- the murder barn. Lucy shows Quinn the time machine. Oh, no -- he'll use the technology to "invent" it, leading to a time paradox: where did it come from?
Left: Griffin Gluck.
They bring the time machine to Quinn's garage -- full of Dungeons and Dragons, Lord of the rings, and inventor junk.
Cut to the girls' rowing team, where Summer wants to talk to an angry Emmy: "Can I see you tonight? I can drop by the museum." "No. You made your choice!" OMG, Summer and Emmy were having an affair!
For convoluted reasons, Lucy ends up having dinner with Summer and her family, marveling at how vibrant and energetic the parents are now.
"My parents are nothing like this," she muses.
"You're lucky." Summer counters. "My parents ignore my individuality and try to push me into a box as a 'perfect daughter.'" Sounds like this family was dysfunctional all the way down. And I'm out of space.
Beefcake: None
Gay character: I called it! Summer was dating Emmy on the downlow. They were going to come out to their parents, but Summer lost her nerve. "It gets better," Lucy, who has come out about being from the future, tells her. "It's not perfect, but we have gay marriage now, and lots of cool people came out."
Time paradoxes: No such thing. When you travel backwards in time, you create a new timeline. When Lucy returns to 2024, her parents have no idea who she is. Which is fine with her, because she wants to return to 2023 and become Summer's sister for real.
The Slasher: It's who you expect, but not really, because...it's complicated.
My Grade: B.
Bonus: I keep think that Griffin Gluck has some n*de photos, but all I could find were shirtless shots. Instead, how about Zane Phillips, boyfriend of Froy Gutierrez, his costar in Cruel Summer?
See also: When we first met: Adam Devine time-travels and bulges to win the Girl of His Dreams
Why Him? Adam Devine hooks up with Griffin Gluck over discussions of jizz. With bonus Gluck dick
No comments:
Post a Comment
No offensive, insulting, racist, or homophobic comments are permitted.
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.