"It's Florida, Man": Gay guy gets revenge on his ex by blowing up his trailer. Or not. Plus what BBC means

Link to the BBC

The reality series It's Florida, Man, on MAX, has a format similar to Drunken History.   Real-life Floridians tell about doing really stupid things -- agreeing to fill the fantasy of a toe fetishist, swimming in gator-infested waters, fighting the witch next door.  While they and their family and friends are interviewed along the lines of "What were you thinking?", comedians act out the story.  I reviewed the episode with a gay couple.

Scene 1: Deland, Florida.  Derrick Irving / Echo Kellum wants revenge on his ex, so he comes up with the perfect plan.  Early one morning, when it's still dark out and the ex is at work, he goes to the guy's trailer park, with a getaway driver, wearing a mask so the neighbors wouldn't recognize him, and tries to think of evil stuff to do.  Wouldn't you plan this out in advance?Oh, right, it's Florida, man.

He steals his "good stuff" -- air conditioner, vacuum cleaner, and tv set -- and then blows up the trailer!   

Scene 2: Derrick introduces himself: 42 years old, living in a trailer, but cooking outside.  He wasn't looking to date, but he went online with "BBC and Cooking" in his profile, and Denver pinged him. Wait -- if you didn't want to date, why the BBC?

On to an interview with Denver/ John Gries. He had just gotten out of a 20-year relationship, moved to DeLand, and wanted companionship.  And a BBC, right?

They go on a date to the Waffle House -- Denver wanted to impress the guy with high-end dining, har har.  

Derrick says he was turned off by Denver's disgusting eating habits, but Denver says that romance was in the air.

On their second date, Denver invited him to the beach.  Wait -- if you were turned off, why agree to a second date?  He didn't mention that it was a n*de beach.  Then he kept cajoling Derrick into showing his BBC: "He could not stop staring." So why did you keep seeing this guy?

Next, an interview with Derrick's sister, Sheena: Derrick said he really liked him, but "this guy is old as shit." 

Scene 3: They start hanging out, watching Judge Judy and shit.

Derrick: "We were just friends. No way would I agree to sleep with him."   

Denver: "We were in love."

Sheena: "They was definitely f*cking"

Eventually Derrick moves into The Empire, Denver's name for his horrible trailer, that he paid $2300 for.

More after the break

Michael Seater: The "Life with Derek" guy grows up, gets a boyfriend, and displays a Derek d___

  

Link to the Derek d___

Born in Toronto in 1987, Michael Seater first appeared on screen in Night of the Living (1997), a short about a guy whose father turns into a zombie.  Two years of minor roles followed, and then Michael hit YTV/Nickelodeon gold with The Zack Files (2000-2002)

What gay teenager didn't rush home from school to watch the dreamy Zack(Robert Clark), and his buds Cam and Spencer (Jake Epstein, Michael) face bizarre paranormal events?  Like shoes that make it impossible to stop running, a cereal that makes him age rapidly, or an overdue library book that turns him into Alice in Wonderland. 

He went on to play paranormal investigator Lucas in Strange Days at Blake Holsey High (2002-2006). Noah Reid, later Patrick's boyfriend/husband on Schitt's Creek, played his best buddy Marshall, and he also had a love/hate relationship with school bully Vaughn (Robert Clark again).  They are sucked into a wormhole, turn invisible, repeat the same day over and over.  In my favorite episode, a chemistry accident sends Marshall through the periodic table: he becomes hydrogen, oxygen, neon, and so on.  Meanwhile, his older brother Grant arrives at the school and turns into sodium.  Marshall has changed into chlorine, so they stabilize as salt. Just go with it.

Left: Robert Clark

Next Michael moved into the more traditional teencom Life with Derek (2005-2009): He has a sibling rivalry with his adopted sister Casey (Ashley Leggat) and, in the first season, an intense, passionate, joined-at-the-hip best buddy, Sam (Kit Weyman).  Then it's girls, girls, girls every second of every day.

In Regenesis (2006-2007), Michael plays homeless teenager Owen, who moves in with paranormal investigator David (Peter Outerbridge, left), but ends up mentally damaged after an experimental treatment to cure his drug addiction 

Michael's adult roles have involved fewer subtexts:

18 to Life (2010-2011): newlywed18-year olds move in with their parents.

The "virgin getting laid" comedy Sin Bin (2012).  

The "virgin getting laid before the world ends comedy" Sadie's Last Days on Earth (2016).

In 10 episodes of Bomb Girls, 2013, set during World War II, Michael's bomb engineer Ivan dates closeted lesbian Betty, then Betty's crush Kate, then Nazi spy Helen.  Then he dies in a bomb factory explosion.  No gay male characters.

In The Wedding Planners, which aired for seven episodes in March-May 2020, Michael and his sisters plan weddings.  It doesn't look like any of them featured same-sex couples.

Most recently Michael played a gay-coded villain on The Murdoch Mysteries.  In 2009, gay student James Gillies and his boyfriend murder a professor in a reflection of the Leopold and Loeb case.  In 2023, he returns to torment Murdoch, kidnap The Girl, and survive various lethal stunts.  The show features a gay couple, so it's not just queer villains, but still, one doesn't expect such a blatant stereotype in 2023. 

And in Life with Luca, 2023, he returns to Derek as a grown-up.  He and Casey each have children who replicate the sibling-rivalry of their youth -- Luca is Casey's son.

More after the break

Black Friday: Devon Sawa fights holiday shopper-monsters and wins the Girl. WIth a nude dude from the other movie.

 

Devon Sawa was the wunderkind of the 1990s, starring in some iconic coming-of-age movies with strong gay subtexts --  Night of the Twisters, The Boys Club, Wild America -- while getting the full Tiger Beat Fave Rave teen idol treatment.  In the 2000s he moved on to sleazy horror, like many former teen idols, and audiences moved on.  

After filling my review of Hacks with photos of the grown-up, bulked up, heavily inked Devon, I realized that I hadn't seen any of his work since Final Destination.  So I checked out his more recent work on the IMDB, looking for gay characters or subtexts.

No luck: a lot of gritty, hard-bitten cops, criminals, and cowboys who have sex with ladies. Two TV series: Nikita, with the icon of a lady showing her legs and the phrase "Looks do kill": and Somewhere Between, with an icon of a lady's face and bare shoulders looking bemused as she's floating in the air.  

 

The only one that appeared to have gay content was the horror/comedy Black Friday, about the day after Thanksgiving in the U.S., when shoppers mob the big box stores, jostling each other in search of deep discounts on Christmas presents. 

In this case, the shoppers turn into real life monsters, so toy store employees have to fight them off. I can imagine a lot of comedic bits, like a monster shopper using its disembodied arm to pull toys off a high shelf.  The Google AI notes that one of the characters is gay, and mentions a husband back home. 

Note: two movies called Black Friday, both about shoppers turning into monsters, premiered in 2020 and 2021.  This is the 2021 version.

Of course, I need to watch the trailer before investing in the whole thing.  

Scene 1: Pre-dawn, the morning after Thanksgiving. Toy store manager, horror veteran Bruce Campbell, says  "Happy Black Friday" over an intercom as Christmas music plays.  Horndog Devon Sawa makes a date with The Girl to get pancakes after the big rush is over.  It wouldn't be Christmas without the protagonist devoting his first scene to demonstrating that he's not gay.  

Femme Stephen Peck  assigns New Guy Ryan Lee to the registers.  Ryan Lee played Sue's gay friend on "The Middle," but most likely Stephen Peck, second from the left, is the one with the husband.  Unfortunately, the internet is full of another Stephen Peck, film legend Gregory Peck's son, so research is impossible.

Louis Kurtzman, who wears a flowery shirt, skates over to Gruff Michael Jai White,and announces that he's temping tonight. Flowery shirt -- maybe he's the one with the husband?

Left: Michael Jai White's physique.

Scene 2: Store Manager announces "There's no day more harmful than today." I thought stores made 30% of their sales on Black Friday.  New Guy, Gruff Guy, and a third employee pour booze into their coffees.

Scene 3: Showtime!  Everyone takes their places. They keep saying "tonight," but it must be before dawn on Friday.   

After a few shots of beserk, grabby shoppers, The Girl notices a shopper with head injuries growling about.  He rushes toward New Guy, who overturns a display of balls to stop him.

More after the break.

Dakare Chatman: Ballroom dancer, conservative spokesperson, Christ follower, gay ally

  

Link to the n*de photos

Charleston, South Carolina resident Dakare Chatman has four acting credits on the IMDB:

1. Two episodes as an unnamed high school student on the serial-killer drama Mr. Mercedes, 2019.

2. "Youth Group Teen" in Righteous Gemstones Season 1.  He is especially noticeable in Episode 1.9, where Kelvin tells the youth group that he has transformed himself into "something dark."

3. "Kook," uncredited, on an episode of Outer Banks, 2020.

4. In Righteous Gemstones Episode 2.8, 2022, he returns as "Mr. Dukare,"who  buys Junior's defunct video arcade games.   

More about Dakare: he's a singer, ballroom dancer, Christ-follower, traveler, and optimist, active in the AME Church.  He was on the National Youth Advisory Board of the John Locke Foundation, a conservative think tank, and won their Constituting America Contest twice. This got him an interview on the conservative news show Fox and Friends

Dakare is now the artistic director of Practice to Perform, a semi-pro ballroom dancer, and still active in politics.  In 2024, he was the manager of the re-election campaign for Sheriff Kristin Graziano of Charleston, the first lesbian sheriff in South Carolina history. 

Wait -- Kristin Graziano is a Democrat.  Has Dakare changed parties?

Conservative think tank, AME church, Christ-follower, and gay-positive. A very unusual combination.

This photo from Christmas is rousing my gaydar.  Dakare's Instagram contains no photos of him with any ladies except some friends and dance partners.

Gay or not, I'm sure he won't mind fans appreciating his cuteness.  And that cool, campy cutlery on his kitchen wall.

More after the break

Six degrees of Kevin Bacon's bacon. With Billy Crudup, Mickey Rourke, and others

 

Link to the n*de photos

I was trying to combine the "six degrees of Kevin Bacon" game, where any actor in any random movie is six movies or less away from Kevin, plus a double-entendre on "bacon" meaning you know what.

It didn't work, so I'll just post six photos of the instrument, some of Kevin Bacon, some of his costars.

Born in 1958, Kevin graduated from high school at age 15, attended Bucknell University, and hit the New York theater scene in 1975.  He was in some plays and some New York-based soap operas, and he played one of the fratboy pledges in Animal House, 1978.  You know you saw it, and didn't notice anything problematic.  It was the 70s.

He reputedly bulged in the teen slasher Friday the 13th, 1980, but I just saw it recently, and didn't notice.  A few more plays, including Forty Deuce, which won him an Obie, and he was ready for fame in the angst vehicle Diner, 1982, with Steve Guttenberg, Mickey Roarke, and Daniel Stern.

#1: Actually Mickey Rourke's.

Footloose, 1984, is an icon of the 1980s generation, where televangelists like Jerry Falwell were calling down God's wrath on America for such sins as teen pregnancy, the Equal Rights Amendment, and homa-sekshusl: a conservative preacher has banned dancing in his small town.  I didn't see it, but there's a buddy-bonding gay subtext between Ren and Willard (Kevin, Chris Penn) in the play.

White Water Summer, 1987: Kevin plays a sadistic wilderness guide who almost sends Sean Astin to his death.  But there aren't any girls in it, at least.

Kevin shows his stff in He Said, She Said, 1991, a romance with the gimmick of showing every scene twice, from his and her point of view.

Another rear shot in Pyrates, 1991, which is not about pirates.  The hetero couple starts a literal fire when they're burning with passion.  

More after the break

"The Other Two" Episode 3.8: The guy from "AP Bio" tries to bond with an especially jerky Cary. With Ben Platt bonus

Link to the n*de photos

I wanted to know more about Eddie Leavy, below, who plays the queen Anthony on AP Bio, so I reviewed his guest role on The Other Two, Episode 3.8, "Brook Hosts a Night of Undeniable Good."

The premise: The less-than-famous older brother and sister of teen idol ChaseDreams (Case Walker) live in his shadow.

The episode has three plotlines.  I'm reviewing only the third.

A Plot: Chase is getting kickback from his latest bad-boy stunt: "I hate ChaseDreams.  What a loser!"; "Asshole!"  "Everybody thinks I'm a bad guy, he complains.  "And I'm not.  It's giving me anxiety and depression."

His manager gets dollar signs in her eyes as she hatches a new scheme: Chase can become "the face of mental health" and make a fortune!  He's not really suffering from a mental illness, but who cares when there's money to be made?

Sister Brook likes the idea, too.  She has an altruistic boyfriend, and feels guilty about being so selfish, so this will give her an opportunity to prove that she is a good person -- while making money.  

She arranges a telethon to raise money for mental health awareness. Ben Platt, left, and Cameron Kasky, the founder of March for Our Lives, appear as themselves.

B Plot: Mom went from single mother with a famous son to hosting her own talk show to owning a billion-dollar network.  After months in the spotlight, she excitedly plans a trip back to her home town in Ohio, to return to her roots and enjoy everyday activities.

Jacob Dickey, left, appears as Nate.

She hates it.  The small town is boring, her old friends are dolts, and the food is awful.  You can't go home again.

 

C Plot: Cary, Drew Carver, has a 20th year class reunion tonight, but he doesn't want to go because he's not successful enough.  He's in Windweaver, a sword-and-sorcery tv series on Netflix, but it's just a recurring role as "an elf serf," who doesn't even speak.

Then his agent calls: Netflix has picked up the show for three more years, and invited him to be a regular. Turns out that the "elf serf" is actually the Windweaver, orchestrating the events. He'll be speaking.  And he's gay.

Thrilled that he can now "win the reunion." Cary tries to make the eight-hour car trip in six hours by not stopping -- he pees into a bottle and throws it out the window.  Couldn't you use one of your billionaire mother's private planes?

More after the break

"AP Bio": Glenn from "Always Sunny" as a rascally philosophy prof turned high school teacher.

Link to the uncensored review

The television series AP Bio was broadcast on NBC in 2018-19, and then on Peacock in 2020-22, and is now streaming on Netflix.  It stars Glen Howerton, who plays the amoral sociopath Dennis Reyolds on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, so I imagine his AP Biology teacher will be similar.  It may be a nice break from looking for gay characters in endless Christmas romcoms.

Scene 1: Whitlock High School, home of the Rams.  The stereotyped students sit in the classroom, waiting.  Crash!  Jack, played by Glen, has just hit a bicyclist and crashed into the school sign. The biker wants to argue, but Jack scares him away with a crowbar.

In class, he explains that he's an "award winning philosophy scholar" with a free year, so he took a job teaching Advanced Placement Biology.  Ok, that's impossible. College professors can't teach high school; you need a degree in education, plus student teaching experience.  And philosophers can't teach biology; you would need a degree in biology.  How do these tv shows get off, thinking that anybody can be hired as  a teacher?

But he won't be teaching biology.  He also won't be doing any sharing and caring. He's going to be spending the year trying to steal the job of his nemesis as head of Stanford Philosophy, so he can sleep with every woman in California.  I already hate this douchebag.

Scene 2: The students have some questions.  He promises to give them all As if they keep quiet about not learning biology. Upon discovering that a student is named Sarika Sarkar, he starts lecturing on philosopher Prabhat Ranjan Sarkar, but stops when they pull out their notebooks to take notes.  He won't be teaching them philosophy, either. 

Uh-oh, the Principal, Patton Oswalt, would "like a word." At 5' 3", he's a member of the Short Guy Prigade

The Principal is angry about the accident that wrecked the school sign, but Jack fast-talks him into apologizing and promising to be more laid-back.  They hug.  He  asks Jack out for a beer tonight, but Jack will be busy trying to bang his ex.

Scene 3: At home at his "dead mother's house," amid pictures of Jesus, the Virgin Mary, and himself as a geeky teen, Jack is getting drunk-er.   He calls his friend Miles in California while giving 0 stars to his bestselling book of "philosophical rubbish." 

Miles: "It's a shame you were kicked out of Harvard, but stop by anytime you're on the West Coast." Aha, the nemesis!

Next Jack showers.  Beefcake, no nudity.

Scene 4:  The next day, the School Bully, Spence Moore II, knocks down the Troubled Loner Devin,  Jacob McCarthy, and throws his backpack into the river. 

Cut to three lady teachers having lunch and discussing their sex lives: "So my date comes to my house in a sopping wet t-shirt, talking he had just got out of the bath.  What kind of baby-man takes baths?  Let's hear more about that wet t-shirt.

Jack introduces himself, and is asked if he has any interesting dating stories. "No, but tonight I'm going to bang my high school ex."  They are delighted.

Turns out they're all jerks.  "I make the students take a photo of me and show it to their dads." "I make them clean my car to learn about recycling."  Jack is delighted to discover that as a teacher, he make his students do whatever he wants and call it "education."

Scene 5: In class, the students have prepared a rap number about how much they like biology, but Jack cuts them off.  He has a new project: they're going to work together to destroy Miles.  "It's basic utilitarianism.  Jeremy Bentham..." They open their notebooks. "No, don't write that down.  I'm not teaching you!"

The project: catfishing.  Make up fake profiles with pictures of beautiful women, and send him flirty messages.  How will that destroy him?

Scene 6: The students find a video online explaining why Jack was kicked out of Harvard: at his tenure hearing, he attacked an elderly professor, who defended himself and put him in a headlock. Embarrassing tenure fail.

Jack enters and wants to hear their catfish messages.  First up: Troubled Loner Devin: "Dear Miles, you don't know me, but you will. We will marry under the black sun of Satan's breath.  I'll be the final face you see as I wrap my hands around your neck and suck your soul into my mouth."  

Jack likes it, only "make it a bit more feminine."  Sounds like Devin is gay.

More after the break

My Boyfriend and My Satanist Ex-Boyfriend at Thanksgiving Dinner: A Kelvin/Keefe Adventure

 "Mama!" Keefe exclaimed.  "Why on Earth did you invite my ex-boyfriend to Thanksgiving Dinner, when you knew that Kelvin was coming?"

She frowned.  "Well, why not?  Daedalus came to every Thanksgiving and Christmas for five years.  And your nephew Austin's piano recitals. Jimmy called him 'Uncle Daedus.'" He's part of the family.  Just because you broke up for some crazy reason doesn't mean we have to break up with him, too."

"I found God, Mama! Isn't that what you wanted for me?"

"All I ever wanted was for you to be happy.  And you were happy with Daedalus.  A lot happier than you seem now, when every word I say makes you uncomfortable or angry, and the wonderful Reverend Gemstone treats you like his personal servant.  Now, does this casserole get onion rings on top, or not?"

The rest of the story, with n*de photos and explicit s*x scenes, is on Righteous Gemstones Beefcake and Boyfriends

Gemstones Episode 1.4, Continued: Dot drives Kelvin crazy, Keefe refuses the Satanists, and Gideon and Scotty date

  

Link to the n*de photos

Earlier in Episode 1.4, we learned that Keefe is gay, and Kelvin is afraid of the relationship moving to the next level. Next we see a normalization of the Gideon-Scotty relationship.  Instead of being terrorized by Scotty, Gideon seems to be in love with him.  This suggests disagreements among the showrunners about where the characters should go, similar to seeing Kelvin and Keefe as good buddies in one episode and romantic partners in another.

I'll let you buy me dinner: At the campground, Gideon gives Scotty the intel he learned from Martin: they receive an offering of over $1,000,000 on normal Sundays, but on big holidays, $3,000,000.  It's counted and placed in the vault overnight Sunday. On Monday it's deposited into the bank.  Wait -- is that all in cash?  Don't people just throw a few bucks in the offering plate?  If they're going to donate a lot of money, they'll write a check, or just have it deducted automatically from their bank account.

Scotty "goes dark" for a moment, brags about his own stuntwork, and criticizes Gideon's.  Then he becomes downright friendly and says "I'll let you buy me dinner."

You Shine: Cut to Kelvin appearing at Dot's lacrosse practice at North Jackson High School (in-joke: this is where Danny McBride's character worked in his earlier series, Vice Principals).  Like her boyfriend, Dot's friends think that Kelvin has a romantic interest in her.  The background music, Sweet Cheater's "Summer," supports them:

It's driving me crazy, making me wild in the summer,

Spending my time alone with you

Take a ride, baby, to the stars, in the backseat of my car

Ooh yeah, it feels so right, you belong with me tonight

Dot assures them that he’s harmless, “just an a*hole from church.”  He swishes down from the bleachers and squeals “What’s up, girl!” like the flamboyant gay friend in a romcom, a queer code that signifies his utter lack of romantic or sexual intent.

He apologizes for the Satanic Sweep, oddly characterizing it as a “hang” between friends, and invites her to a teen trampoline party at the Sky Zone tonight: “No presh, just come by. If you like it, great.  If not, you’ll never see me again.”  This is the rhetoric of someone who wants to make a friend, not find a girlfriend. 

When she agrees, Kelvin adds: “What if we go no boyfriend tonight. Just you.  You sparkle without him – know that.”  Austin is too old for the teen group, so he wouldn’t be permitted anyway; Kelvin is simply stressing that Dot doesn’t need an older boyfriend, or “semen loads,” He skips off, still the flamboyant gay friend: “It’s gonna be fun, girl!”   

When the episode first aired, some very desperate fans thought that Kelvin was straight, and interested in Dot, but what straight guy makes a date, then skips off with "It's gonna be fun, girl!"?

Dot at the Trampoline Party:  We cut to the youth group meeting at the Sky Zone, an indoor trampoline park on Wando Park Boulevard in Mt. Pleasant, a suburb of Charleston with many Gemstone sites. Lots of kids somersaulting on bouncy-walls, and Keefe stretching Kelvin from behind as he groans "Harder. Harder.   Yeah, oh, that's good."  Acting like they're doing stuff, har har.

Notice that they're both wearing "Faith Factory" T-shirts, but none of the kids are. Keefe is now Kelvin's assistant youth minister. 

Dot appears.  Kelvin is "super-pumped that you didn't bring your idiot boyfriend."  Do you still think he's straight, after the "harder, harder" joke?

He clears a space.  Keefe says: "These feats of physical strength are amazing."  Yeah, Kelvin is hot.   He performs some professional-looking acrobatic stunts.

Gideon and Scotty's Date: Dinner is pizza and beer at the Shem Creek Restaurant in Mount Pleasant, to the  song “You Knock Me Out.”

 

The way you talk when you say what you see

Your smile breaking my words – you knock me out.

The way you shake it, baby -- what’s on your mind?

The way you get when you get down – you knock me out. 

Apparently Scotty or Gideon, or both, are overwhelmed by the intensity of their passion.

 Scotty calls Gideon "Little Lord Fauntleroy,” an archaic phrase for a fragile, polite, feminine-coded “sissy,” named after a character in the 1886 novel by Francis Hodgson Burnett.  In the 1936 movie version, Freddie Bartholomew’s Ceddie is redeemed through a romantic bond with the tough Mickey Rooney    They smile at each other, caring boyfriends far removed from the toxicity of Scotty’s earlier rant.

Knowing what comes after, I wonder if presenting Gideon and Scotty as romantic partners is a holdover from an early draft, in which Gideon is the gay character, and Kelvin begins dating a college-age Dot.  Or it may be a misdirection, to draw attention from the Kelvin/Keefe romance and keep viewers guessing which will turn out to be gay. 

Gideon explains how he came to make the video: things were tense between him and Jesse, so his mom made him go to a prayer convention.  Jesse had his friends in his hotel room, and didn't want Gideon around. "Dude wanted to f*ck," Scotty says.  So Gideon left, but on his way out, he hid  hid his phone with the video on, in case anything interesting happened.  He ended up taping Jesse's s*x-and-drugs party, and decided to blackmail Jesse to "get even."

Scotty envisions their new life in Thailand, after stealing the money from the vault. He mentioned the ladyboys earlier, but it's worth repeating that Thailand is a well-known destination for gay tourism.  He also wants to repair the hard drive containing the s*x-and-drugs party video, so "we f*k your Daddy again."  Very graphic way of putting it. 

Then he recalls their first meeting.  Gideon was wearing a wig to be the stunt double for a woman (wigging," remember?), and Scotty was attracted: he came up behind him and grabbed "like you were a little piece." He means a potential s*xual partner.  Apparently he likes people who are androgynous or nonbinary.  

He continues: "But you weren't.  You were a friend."  Gideon didn't mind being grabbed; apparently he liked it, since he accepted being drawn into a relationship.

 "And I get you.  I know you way better than your family does."  He sounds like an abusive boyfriend: "No one understand you but me." 

We cut to another scene on this busy Friday night: Jesse and Amber counseling Chad and his wife Mandy about the aberrant emails ("we were just fooling around").  Of course they mention intimate activities again.  And we're off to Club Sinister.

Satanist d*ck after the break

The Top 10 Hunks of "The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina"

I'm about halfway through The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, the Netflix series revamping Sabrina the Teenage Witch from Archie Comics, although I must admit to fast-forwarding past the many smarmy scenes where Sabrina and her boyfriend Harvey discuss how much they love each other, care about each other, can't live without each other, would die for each other, etc., etc., etc.

The setting is beautifully realized.  Everybody in town lives in a creepy old house; teachers have offices full of heavy furniture and antique books; it's an antique horror movie bathed in sepia light.

I like the witches' religion, an over-the-top Satanism complete with Black Masses, names signed in blood, cannibalism, human sacrifices, and a grunting, goat-hoofed Dark Lord.  But it comes with many realistic, mundane touches, like casually saying "Praise Satan" the way fundamentalist Christians say "Praise the Lord."

I like the over-the-top acting, especially Sabrina's aunts, the dour "what will the other witches think?" Zelda and the cheery "have a cuppa" Hilda, who seems too nice to be evil.  I guess that's the point? 

Sabrina's Scoobies are also drawn with a very broad brush. There's Roz, the freethinking intellectual, who happens to be the daughter of the town minister (except everybody is Catholic); Suzie, the gender-fluid women's rights activist, who happens to be the daughter of a conservative farmer; and Harvey, a working-class jock whose father is downright abusive.  Daddy issues, anyone?

I'm not a big fan of Sabrina,  however: 16 years old, half mortal, half witch, torn between two worlds, gleefully using her magic to right the wrongs of her high school, while scheming to take down the Dark Lord himself.   Really?  Granted, she is the prophesied Chosen One.  Everyone has a vested interest her witchcraft success; Madame Satan, an Archie comics character from the 1950s, returns from oblivion to guide her; but still, that's a staggering amount of hubris.  Even Luke Skywalker waited until he was old enough to vote.

I really disliked a homophobic scene in which Sabrina and her allies get revenge on some bullying jocks (led by Ty Wood, left) by casting a spell to make them hug and kiss each other, then blackmailing them with the photographs.  Threatening to reveal that someone is gay?  Is being gay that shameful?

But, on the plus side, Cousin Ambrose gets a boyfriend, not a girlfriend.

And there's nearly as much beefcake as on Sabrina's sister show, Riverdale.

1. Longtime shirtless aficionado Ross Lynch as Harvey (top photo, right)

2. Ty Wood as the bully.

3. Chance Perdomo as Cousin Ambrose.

4. Darren Mann (left) as the boyfriend.







More after the break

"It's a Wonderful Knife": Psycho-slasher "Wonderful Life" homage with six queer characers and Depner selfies

Link to the n*de photos

It's a Wonderful Knife, appeared on my Hulu feed with an interesting premise: A year after Winnie saves the town from a psycho-killer, she wishes she had never been born, and gets her wish.  So she never existed, and the town is still saddled with the psycho-killer.  She must team up with "town misfit" Bernie to defeat him.

Sounds heteronormative, as usual, but call-backs to It's a Wonderful Life might be fun.  Besides, it stars Justin Long, one of my 1990s crushes.

Scene 1:  Establishing shot of the town of  Angel Falls -- Wonderful Life was in Bedford Falls, har har -- , with Mayor Henry (Justin) extolling the benefits of his new housing development.  Switch to a Christmas festival, with Henry making a speech.  Check out the creepy masked nun-angel atop the Christmas tree -- it will be important later. 

As Main Girl Winnie and her Dad (Joe McHale, top photo) and brother walk home, Mayor Henry and his Adult Brother Buck  (Sean Depner, left) grab them to ask what they thought of his speech.  Brother Jimmy notes that Buck has started an OnlyFans page -- where you subscribe to see a guy's selfies.

He asks "Buck, do you remember me?  You were my PeeWee Football coach!"

Buck ignores him.  Disappointed, Jimmy says "Please shoot me." A very subtle queer moment, but better than nothing: Jimmy is gay.

Sean Depner, who is gay in real life, actually does have a MyFans account, or at least some selfies online.

In other news, Mayor Henry needs an Old Guy to sign over his house so he can build his housing development.  He drags Dad off to  help talk him into it, even though it's Christmas Eve.

Scene 2:  The Old Guy refuses to sign, because his family has lived there for generations, and it goes to his granddaughter after he's gone.   Henry: "You're the past.  I'm the future.  Get with the program, Boomer." Actually, he looks more like the Greatest Generation

Granddaughter Cara comes downstairs, tells Grandpa how much she loves him, and notes that they're both invited to dinner at Main Girl Willa's house tomorrow . Mayor Henry creepily says "You be safe, now," and she's off to the big Christmas Eve party.

Scene 3: At home, Mom gives a rainbow ornament to "my gay son."  Ok, Jimmy is outed.  Aunt comes in with her wife, annoyed because her in-laws won't believe that they are married, not roommates.  Ok, she is outed in her first sentence. That's three gay characters, plus two LGBT cast members -- Willa is played by nonbinary actor Jane Widdop.  This is turning into quite a queer-friendly movie.

Winnie runs out to go to the party with Best Friend Cara -- the only thing standing between Mayor Henry and housing development plan, remember?   Their boyfriends, Eddie and Robbie, will meet them there. 

Back at the ancestral house, Grandpa is staring morosely at the fire, when there's a knock on the door.  It's a psycho-killer dressed like the creepy masked nun-angel!  Why not just steal his heart medication?

Scene 4: At the big party, Winnie wants to make friends with the Town Outcast, but a Mean Girl pulls her away  -- guess what?  Outcast Bernie is a girl.  I bet she was a boy in the first draft, but they changed her gender so...wait...Boyfriend Robbie and Brother Jimmy arrive and brag about their scores at the big football game.  Then Jimmy goes off to cruise a "brooding, artistic type,"  Best Friend Cara and the Mean Girl go off with their boyfriends, and Winnie is left alone.

Scene 5: Cut to Jimmy and the Brooding, Artistic Guy smooching in the woods. Uh-oh, a twig snaps.  It's the Nun-Angel, leaving them alone.  Not a homophobe, anyhow.

Jimmy is played by Aidan Howard, who is gay in real life.  Three queer cast members.

More after the break.  

Noah Galvin: 7 gay characters, a husband, a pride cake, and a lot of d*ck pics, and guys still think that he's straight?

Link to the n*de photos

I never watched The Real O'Neals, 2016-17, about a "perfect" Irish Catholic family where the parents discover that they're not so perfect after all: Dad (Jay R. Ferguson, left) wants a divorce, and their kids all suffer from various disorders and psychological problems.  Eldest son (Matt Shively) has an eating disorder; daughter suffers from kleptomania and enjoys con games; and middle son Noah Galvin is gay. 

Being gay as a mental disorder, the equivalent of anorexia and kleptomania.  You see the problem I had with this show.

At least, after some "We've got to find a way to cure you!" hand-wringing, Mom is relatively tolerant.  

Interestingly, RuPaul, Jane Lynch, and Lance Bass agreed to play themselves, and it got a Dorian Award for the best LGBTQ show of the year. 

Ok, I watched a few episodes for the hunky Matt Shively, and for Noah's character bulging in a wrestling singlet.  He bulged a lot. 

The Real O'Neals was the 22-year old Noah's first major acting gig.  He went on to play Marty in Assassination Nation, 2018: a hacker who finds a video of the mayor wearing women's clothing. Upon discovery, the guy kills himself.  

Co-Ed, 2018, a quickly cancelled series about male and female college roommates.  Noah's character was gay, and dating Clark Moore.

George in Booksmart, 2019, about two high school girls, one a lesbian, who want to let loose after being A-earning dweebs for the last 12 years. Noah's character is gay, and running a murder mystery party with his bff Austin Crute. Skyler Gisondo stars as Jared, who is having his own party on his yacht.

The Two Princes, an animated Spotify series that pairs Prince Rupert, Noah, with Prince Amir, Ariel Stachel, whom you can't research because google insists on changing "stachel" to "satchel" and trying to sell you handbags.

The Other Two: he plays Eddie, who pretends that he is new to the gay world, and his lover is his Dad, s "trying to understand," so they can win $30,000 on Pat Dubchek's Ellen-like talk show.  

Glenn Winthrop in Theater Camp, 2023. Noah and future husband Ben Platt wrote the screenplay about trying to save the camp.  Their characters fall in love.

Left: Ben Platt.  

More after the break

Spencer Lloyd: From "American Idol" to a homophobic church, with n*de hocky and a video in between

  

Link to the n*de photos

Making the rounds of actor photos this morning, I came across a "Spencer Lloyd" video.   No other photos, but another n*de pops up on a google search.

No one by that name is listed on IMDB, but when you dump "Spencer Lloyd" into a search engine, it wants to auto-fill with the Canadian tv series Heartland: a multi-generational soap opera set on a ranch in Alberta.  He must have appeared somewhere in the nearly 300 episodes to date -- the IMDB often omits actors. 

Googling "Spencer Lloyd" and "Canada" reveals a young guy, probably just out of high school, who played hockey for the Beaver Valley Nitehawks in British Columbia.  He must have done that before he broke into showbiz -- or tried to break in.

After extensive research on Instagram, Facebook, the American Idol Blog, and Fame Watcher, I have pieced together Spencer's biography.

There's no Canadian hockey or soap opera -- that's another Spencer Lloyd.  But I'm not taking the photos down.

Our Spencer Lloyd grew up in Bryant, Arkansas, population 16,688, known for its La Quinta Motor Lodge, Cotton Shed Vintage Market, and Chick-Fil-A.  

In 2013, at the age of 19, he got on a bus with 3,000 other hopefuls for American Idol auditions in Little Rock.  He made it to the first round.

In Austin he sang "Say Something" and an original song, "At the Final Judgment." Uh-oh, sounds homophobic. He made it to the second round.

In Hollywood, he sang "Ordinary Girl" in the Wild-Card.  And then got booted.

He still performs and records music occasionally. Apple Music lists several singles for sale, most recently "No Love Like Ours," released December 2023.

In March 2016, Spencer found his way to Nashville, where he signed on with Wilhemina Modeling.  This must be where the n*de photo comes from.

He moved to Chicago in May 2016, and went to work as fitness instructer at Barry's Chicago. 

More Spencer after the break.

Ghoul: The Kid from "Modern Family" Fights Zombies

Ghoul  is a gay-subtext buddy-bonding horror novel by Brian Keene (2007), who specializes in postapocalyptic zombie novels.

A ghoul, a monster that lives on dead human meat, is terrorizing the town, getting most of its victims in the cemetery run by Clark, who is violently abusive to his son Barry.  Barry gradually realizes that his father is assisting the ghoul, and has even kidnapped a woman from town to become its mate.

Barry's friends, Timmy and Doug, agree to help him look for the ghoul, but they have problems of their own.

Doug is being sexually abused by his mother.

Timmy is being emotionally abused by his father.

The real monsters are the adults.

Doug is quiet, passive, rather chunky, probably gay, and interested in Timmy (who, unfortunately has a girlfriend).  He is the one who gets eaten by the ghoul.  

I wonder why Keene decided to make Doug's mother the abuser.  In real-life, the father is the offender in 90% of cases of sexual abuse.  Maybe he didn't want to reflect the myth that same-sex abuse causes kids to "turn" gay.  Or maybe he wanted to add some diversity by making one of the evil parents a woman. 

The ghoul ends up kidnapping Timmy's girlfriend, and Barry and Timmy rush to the rescue.  They all escape.

But not entirely.  Twenty years later, when Timmy returns to the cemetery to bury his father, he sees that Barry is now the caretaker, and his son has bruises consistent with abuse.

The real monsters are the adults.

The novel was made into a tv movie in 2012, but it aired on the Chiller Network, so I haven't seen it, and I don't know if the gay subtext was retained.   It starred Nolan Gould of Modern Family as Timmy, Mattie Liptak, left, as Steve (the gay-vague Doug character), and Zack Rand as Ronny (the Barry character).  Brett Lapeyrouse (top photo) played Pat.

Gay characters appear often in the works of Brian Keen, including the protagonists of The Rising and of Dead Sea.  

See also: Modern Family, Episode 5.17: Gay stereotypes, traditional gender roles, Nolan Gould's abs, and a nude Dylan bonus