"The Crown", Season 3: More Hunks, Fewer Gay People

I loved the first two seasons of The Crown: the inner workings of Buckingham Palace in the 1940s and 1950s, as young Queen Elizabeth gets her first taste of power.  No references to gay people, no beefcake to speak of, not even many cute guys.  But you hardly noticed amid the beautifully realized sets and costumes.

I couldn't wait for Season 3, which extends the story into the 1960s and 1970s: the Queen (now played by Olivia Colman) struggling to maintain the facade of respectability as the winds of change sweep around her. The Beatles, Carnaby Street, youth protests, psychedelic drugs, the Wolfenden Report, the rise of the Gay Rights Movement in Britain. 

Except none of those things appear.  The winds of change involve threats to royal prestige: a new prime minister from the anti-royalist Labor Party; nationalistic fervor in Wales; and endless (but rather dull) financial problems.

But wait -- there were lots of prominent gay people in Britain in the 1960s and 1970s.  Prince Charles himself was the subject of constant gay rumors.  Surely there's some reference?

Nope.

But at least there's more beefcake.

Episode 1: The Queen's art advisor, Sir Anthony Blunt (Samuel West), turns out to be a Russian spy.  He's also gay, but the fact is not mentioned.

Episode 2:  Britain needs a bail-out from the U.S., but President Johnson is playing hard-to-get.  As a last resort, the Queen sends the wilding Princess Margaret to dinner at the White House, where he enjoys her drunken antics and hands over the money.  Best line: Lyndon Johnson: "You can't screw a man in the ass and expect him to send you flowers." I guess not.  The top usually sends the flowers.

Episode 3: The Queen responds to the October 1966 disaster in the Welsh mining village of Aberfan: a mudslide engulfed a school, killing 116 children and 28 adults.  Way too sad for me; I didn't watch.  But Jack Parry-Jones plays one of the teachers.

Episode 4: Prince Philip's mother, Princess Alice, who has been living in a convent in Greece, moves into Buckingham Palace.  Oh, no, the mother-in-law.

Episode 5: England is in a financial crisis.  The Queen bonds with her new race horse manager (John Hollingworth, left).

I'd date him.

Episode 6: With Wales clamoring for independence, Prince Charles (Josh O'Connell, left) is ordered to spend a semester studying Welsh at a university in Aberystwyth,  so he won't be entirely clueless in his role as Prince of Wales. 

Charles is a shy, sensitive young man whose best friend is his sister and who would really prefer to be an actor.  All sorts of gay stereotypes --  but nothing comes of it except a little buddy-bond with his Welsh Nationalist tutor.

Episode 7:  The 1969 moon landing results in Prince Philip getting a midlife crisis.  Look for Andrew Lee Potts as Michael Collins.

Episode 8: Camilla Shand's boyfriend, Andrew Parker Bowles (Andrew Buchan), dumps her for Princess Anne, so she revenge-dates Anne's brother, Prince Charles.  Isn't there any room for Charles-Andrew in this love rectangle?

Episode 9: A coal miners' strike.  Meanwhile the family breaks up Charles and Camilla.  So much for the gay rumors.

Episode 10:  Princess Margaret starts an affair with Roddy (Harry Treadaway, top photo), which leaks to the tabloids, and results in divorce.

The show is nice to look at, but becoming somewhat tedious for those of us not enthralled by British economic history. And would it hurt to include just one reference to gay people: "The tabloids are saying that Charles is what????"

Mac Comes Out on "Beaver Falls"

Beaver Falls (2011-2012), streaming on Amazon Prime, is a British sitcom in the "Aren't Americans wacky?" genre, about three graduates of Oxford Brookes University (Oxford Brookes, not Oxford) who get jobs at a ritzy American summer camp.

I'm not watching.  In spite of the little beaver on the camp logo, the opening sequence reveals exactly what kind of "beaver" the show is about.  These boys came to the U.S. to have sex with American girls, who apparently are easier to seduce than their British counterparts.

But I did watch Season 2, Episode 5, when a camper comes out.

Barry (John Dagleish left) is smoking pot with a jock named Mac  (Tom Austen, top photo), who suddenly kisses him.  He responds with amused nonchalance: "Chicks can't take their weed."

I was so shocked by the implication that gay men are actually women that it didn't register that he was smoking pot with an underaged boy (I looked it up -- Mac is actually a counselor, not a camper)

Mac is horrified at his faux pas.  He rushes to his girlfriend's cabin and has sex with her, thus "proving" that he's really straight in spite of the kiss.

In the aftermath, Barry becomes the subject of gay rumors.  The whole camp becomes angry and suspicious, except for some who defend him: "Barry is as much of a man as he ever was."  So...gay men aren't men?

When he shows up in a  "ladyboy" pink athletic singlet, his fellow counselors are outraged, and ask if he needs a "push-up bra."  Barry insists that he's straight, so he doesn't need a bra. So...gay men need bras?

He gets upset.  He doesn't mind if people think he is gay, only when they laugh at him or yell at him.  Right, that would be the homophobia....

Meanwhile, it's the big  basketball game  (why do counselors, not campers, play basketball?).  Someone calls Mac a "fag" and he beats him up.  His teammates don't get it:  "The dude just called you a fag.  There's no need to overreact."

Then, to their horror, they figure it out: Mac really is a fag!  "I showered next to him!" one of the jocks exclaims in disgust.  Rather intense homophobia for 2012, isn't it?  

To save his reputation and keep him from being killed by his teammates, Barry says that he made the first move; he's a gay pervert trolling for jailbait, but "Mac is a man." So...gay men aren't men? 

Mac, meanwhile, runs into the woods.  His girlfriend follows, and claims that kissing a guy is not a problem.  But he says "I'm sorry....I'm so, so, sorry."

Gulp.  That's what people say before they commit suicide....

Instead he dumps her.  He's gay.  Wait -- he's had sex with lots of women, and he kissed a guy once, so therefore he's gay. That must have been one powerful kiss!    

The episode ends with Barry and Mac smoking pot again, and Mac upset because he's ruined everybody's life.  The episode fades out to a song.  The only lyrics I heard were: "I'll wear my coat in shame."

To recap:
1.The slightest moment of same-sex affection means that you are gay.
2. Gay men are not men, they're women.
3. Being gay is something shameful.
4. The year is 1975. Or else this is an episode of Will and Grace.

"Cloud 9": Gay Couples in 1879 and 1979

Caryl Churchill is an avant-garde playwright in the mold of Ionesco and Samuel Beckett; her plays challenge your notions of plot, characters, and narrative structure itself.  Actually, most of her plays don't really have a plot, but they have a political point. 

Cloud 9, first produced in 1979, was originally advertised as about "sexual confusion," but now it's about gender fluidity.  There are two acts, set in British Africa in 1879 and London in 1979.

British Africa:
Colonial administrator Clive has a perfect relationship with his wife and children, until forbidden desires disrupt things.

He has an affair with Mrs. Saunders, a visiting widow.

His wife Betty (played by a man), is having an affair with his friend Harry Bagley, and is also approached by the governess for a lesbian fling.

Harry has also seduced Clive's10 year old son Edward (played by a woman), the manservant Joshua (black, but played by a white man), and Mrs. Saunders.  When he makes a play for Clive himself, things fall apart.

Fast forward 100 years, but only 25 years have passed for the characters.

Betty (now played by a woman) is recently divorced.

Her son Edward (played by the actor who played Betty in 1875) is gay, and involved in a relationship with Gerry (who played Joshua in 1875).

But he also has an affair with his younger sister Victoria (a doll in 1875).

Victoria is separated from her husband Martin (who played Harry in 1875), and involved with Lin (who played Mrs. Saunders in 1875).  She has a 10-year old daughter (played by a man)

This time everything resolves happily, with both of the gay couples on "Cloud 9."

I didn't actually like the play -- weirdness for the sake of weirdness has never been my thing, and I'm not as shocked by same-sex relationships as the author intended. 

But I liked it more than anything by Ionesco, and it's nice to see two gay couples in the forefront, "sexual confusion" or not.

"The A-List": Bingeworthy "Lost" Meets "Riverdale"

I sat down to watch The A-List at 12:30, planning on watching one episode before going to work.  Two hours later, I said "Well, maybe one more episode."  And another.  And another.

It begins as Riverdale on an island.  Some British teens show up on Peregrine Island for a summer holiday:

1. Rich bitch Mia (Lisa Ambalavanar)

2. It-boy Dev (Jacob Dudman, whom no one can look at without imagining taking him to senior prom)

3. Heterosexual life partners Brendan and Zac (Micheal Ward, Jack Kane), who can bench press 100 kg (220 pounds).  Big deal; I do 300, and I'm twice their age.

4. Genderqueer but female-presenting Alex (Rosie Dwyer)

5. Clutzy Harry (Benjamin Nugent)

And the rest, all led by over-chirpy counselors,Dave (Cian Barry) and Mags (Nneka Okoye).

Mia is quickly overshadowed by a new It-Girl, Amber (Ellie Duckles), who gathers a coterie of followers with her mind-control powers.

And the weird things keep happening:
1. A mysterious bunker in the woods, like the one on Lost.
2. A growling beast like the Smoke Monster on Lost.
3. A mysterious stalker.
4. A sobbing sound coming from nowhere.
5. Human teeth on a tree.
6. Memories of things that haven't happened.
7. An older photograph of the campers.  This has all happened before!

The mysterious stalker turns out to be Luka (Max Lohan) who has been living in the woods on his own since the camp closed down!

I didn't want to give away that spoiler, but I had to get in a picture of Max Lohan.  It's impossible to look at him without wanting to kiss him.

This actually isn't Lost.  The mysteries within mysteries are eventually resolved.  Well, maybe not the final WTF cliffhanger.

Nor is it Riverdale.  Not a lot of nudity: a shirt off here and there.  No one goes swimming (Peregrine Island is in the Scottish Highlands, where it's cold).

 But, on the bright side, no sex: the most these  teenagers do is kiss. 

No gay male characters, that I can tell; the Brendan-Zac pair is subverted by their hetero-horny exploits, and they don't even hug.

But the genderqueer Alex points out the heteronormative bias in selecting a Midsummer King and Queen, and gets a girlfriend, after struggling to come out. (A genderqueer person has a problem with being attracted to girls?).

The A-List certainly has got its share of "WTF!!!!" cliffhangers.  Don't start watching unless you have a free afternoon.

See also: The 9 Worst Finales in Tv History

Robin Askwith: Running from Gay Men

Robin Askwith was a reliable source of 1970s beefcake, but, like Michael Sarrazin, you had to look around the naked girls to see it.  Born in 1950, the slim, long-haired Boomer boy was a fixture on the British screen long before his character urinates on a crowd in Pasolini's The Canterbury Tales (1972).    

1. The homoerotic boarding-school movie If...(1968), with a very young Malcolm McDowell.

2. Hans Brinker, the Dutch boy who wins silver skates in a tv adaption of the children's classic (1969).

3. Lennie, who steals a car along with a buddy in Scramble (1970).

4. Des in Tower of Evil (1972), with bodybuilder John Hamill.

5. A young rock star who encounters gay villains in The Horror Hospital (1973).

Plus lots of hippies and working-class blokes on tv series like The Misfits and Father Dear Father.

His utter lack of self-consciousness about displaying frontal nudity made Robin the go-to guy for nude scenes in the randy 1970s.  He even made forays into the x-rated market, but became most famous for R-rated comedies, Confessions of a Window Cleaner, Pop Performer, Driving Instructor, Camp Counselor (1974-77)  

He played Timothy Lea (pronounced "lay"), a horny young man who goes into business with his brother in law Sidney Noggett (Anthony Booth), and ends up having sex with lots of women.  Plus running at breakneck speed from flirtatious gay men.

Roles became sparse in the conservative Thatcher 1980s, and Robin moved into theater, appearing in a stage version of the Confessions series and a number of pantomimes.  He returned to the screen in 2000 for a series of nostalgic roles in horror movies: The Asylum, The Legend of Harrow Woods, Evil Calls. 

Quite a lot of homophobic content and not a lot of gay content -- he was known for a "traditional, uncomplicated heterosexuality" -- but in real life the performer is more gay-friendly.  His autobiography, The Confessions of Robin Askwith, discusses "fifty people wearing Robin Askwith masks watching 'the' Robin Askwith in a pink Lurex jock strap dancing with our gay stage manager."

A Man Like Mobeen

As America descends into hate-fueled, border-wall,  concentration camp fascism, the racism, homophobia, and Islamophobia that we thought espoused by only a few loonies suddenly supported by half the population, it's easy to forget that hate is rising elsewhere in the world.  Britain has its own alt-right, its own isolationism, its own "Make Britain Great Again!" slogans  A Man Like Mobeen reminds us.










Mobeen (Guz Khan, center ) is a young man of Pakistani ancestry living in the small Small Heath neighborhood of Birmingham, which has been described by racist Fox news as "a no-go zone for non-Muslims."

He and his two buds, Nate (Tolu Ogumenfun,right) and Eight (Tez Ilyas, left) were previously small-time drug dealers, but they are trying to go straight so that Mobeen can be a proper role model for his 15-year old sister, Aqsa (Duaa Karim).

In eight episodes, they encounter:
1. Police targeting.  Eight is arrested on description of an "Asian male in track suit bottoms" selling drugs to kids.

2. Bullying.  When Aqsa is suspended from school for fighting back against bullies, Mobeen wonders if she needs a mother's touch in her life.

3. An alt-right demonstration.  Mobeen is arrested and placed in the same paddy wagon as alt-right leader Robbie Worthington (Jason Maza, top photo).

4. Knife violence.  While trying to protect Aqsa from an upcoming knife fight at her school prom, Mobeen is arrested yet again.

5. Microaggressions.  During the interminable wait at A&E (Britain's health care system), Mobeen encounters an "I'm not a racist, but..."  chap. Actually, it stops being a microaggression very quickly.   Hint: Don't insult the doctor who is about to treat you.

Beefcake:  None to speak of.

Gay characters:  None specified, except for maybe a guy at A&E who is bidding in an online auction on a plaster cast of Daniel Radcliffe's penis.

But Mobeen expresses heterosexual interest in only two episodes, and his buds only refer to it vaguely, once.  They all can be read as gay.

Two Boys are "Eaten By Lions" in a New British Comedy

In Eaten by Lions (2018, on DVD in 2019), hunky teenage Omar (Antonio Aakeel) and his half-brother Pete (Jack Carroll) who has cerebral palsy and a penchant for shoplifting, are orphaned when their parents are...well, eaten by lions.

At first they live with their grandmother, and then with Pete's racist aunt and uncle (Kevin Eldon, Vicki Pepperdine).  They treat Pete nicely, but Omar is "eaten by lions," dismissed and ignored, forced to sleep in a a cupboard under the stairs, a la Harry Potter.

  But then the boys discover that they're not entirely orphaned -- Grandmum left them a cryptic note about Omar's biological father, living in Mecca.  So off they go on a road trip to find their new dad.

She didn't mean Mecca, the Muslim holy city.  She meant Mecca-by-the Sea, Blackpool, the sleazy, tacky, tawdry tourist trap.  Americans, think of Atlantic City or Coney Island.  Or Branson, Missouri.

Omar and Pete run into many colorful characters on the way, most played by recognizeable British actors.

Ray (Johnny Vegas) runs a tawdry bed and breakfast.

Jason Redshaw plays a drag queen named Tooty Fruity. Ok, that's homophobic.

Tom Binns plays a crazy fortune teller.

They finally discover that two brothers on holiday had sexy time with Omar's mother, so either could be his father:  the wealthy, conservative Malik (Nitin Ganawa), or Irfan (Asim Chaudry), who runs a tacky seaside souvenir shop.

Now it's Pete's turn to be "eaten by lions," dismissed and ignored by Omar's new family.

Both of the boys find love, or at least sex, with the horny daughters of their various encounters.  But there's still a strong gay subtext coming from their obvious chemistry.

Not a lot of beefcake. Jack Carroll,who is not very impressive in the physique department, gets most of the shirtless and nudity scenes, played for humorous effect.

Of course, Antonio Aasif is so handsome that he has to be careful covered up.  If he took his shirt off, no  one would pay any attention to the plot.  .

Antonio got his start on the teen soap Skins.  He played a gay teenager in Waiting for Garbo, and the best friend of a transitioning boy on Doctors.  He states: "To think we still live in a world where attitudes toward sex, gender, orientation, and identity can be so prejudiced is shocking."

"The Silence":What Do Barry Van Dyke, Boxing, and "Jurassic Park" Have in Common?

Netflix already had a horror movie, Bird Box, about sight:  alien monsters compel anyone who sees them to commit suicide, so you have to walk around wearing a blindfold.

Next comes The Silence, about monsters attracted to sound, so you have to keep your mouth shut.

There are more senses.  Will we be getting monsters attracted to taste in 2020?  And smell in 2021?

The premise is patently ridiculous: blasting through an ancient rock formation releases millions of vesps (Jurassic Park-style flying raptars) into the world, who have eyes but prey on noise.

What have they been doing in that cave for 7 million years, with no food or air?

So the focus character, a deaf girl namedAlly (Kiernan Shipka), gets into a car and heads out of town.

The flying raptars will be attracted to the sound of the engine, you idiot!

She is accompanied by her father, the engineer responsible for the mess (Stanley Tucci channeling Walter White of Breaking Bad);  his best friend Glenn (John Corbett, top photo); Mom; kid brother; coughing, terminally ill Grandma; and barking dog.

They rush through a Walking Dead world, except with flying raptars instead of zombies.  There are casualties. They encounter a weird religious cult that has removed their tongues, led by The Reverend (Billy MacLellan). 

You can make noise in other ways,you idiot!

Eventually the last three surviving members of the family (Ally, Dad, and kid brother) make it to The Refuge, where Ally reunites with her boyfriend.  The two go hunting vesps.

The only redeeming features of this mess are:
1. Best friends are never included in "family fighting monsters" movies, so John Corbett's character is unique.  Maybe he's gay.  Of course, he's the first to die.

2. Dempsey Bryk, who plays the boyfriend, is an amateur boxer (Ontario Bronze Gloves).  He also received his IB and an OSSD diploma
and won an AEO scholarship at UWO.  I guess Canadians know what all of that means.

3. The screenplay was written by Carey and Shane Van Dyke, sons of buffed actor Barry Van Dyke and grandson of the great comedian Dick Van Dyke. But it's not their fault; they were adapting a young adult novel by British writer Tim Lebbon .

See: Barry Van Dyke; The Men of "Bomb Girls"

Mary Poppins Helps a Gay Dad

Remember Mary Poppins (1964), the classic Disney movie in which a strange magical governess sweeps down from the sky to introduce joie de vivre into the lives of two kids and their stuffy, negligent parents? 

To refresh your memory, the parents are stuffy George Banks, a banker (good name), and Winifred, who is ludicrously obsessed with women's suffrage (imagine, women having the right to vote!).  The two preteen children, Jane and Michael, needed saving from their nascent juvenile delinquency.

Well, now there's a sequel, Mary Poppins Returns (2018).

P. L. Travers actually wrote a sequel to her first book, with Mary Poppins returning a year or so later, dealing with the same family all over again.  But in the movie version, it's been 25 years.  The elder Banks are deceased.  Michael (Ben Whishaw, top photo) has abandoned his dream of becoming an artist and taken a job in banking, like his father, and Jane has grown into a shrill labor activist, like her mother.

Michael has three children (Georgie, John, and Annabel), but no wife, and a lot of financial trouble: he's in debt up to his eyeballs and may lose his house.  So Mary Poppins (Emily Blunt) has a lot of fixing-up to do:

1. Find some way to make Jane less shrill.
2. Restore Michael's faith in art.
3. Rescue the children from a kidnapping animal gang that also happen to be the Bad Guys trying to destroy Michael's career.
4. Find the note that will allow them to save the house.
5. Reveal the corruption at the heart of the British banking industry.
6. Oh, yeah, teach them how to fly kites again.

Bert, the jack of all trades who knew Mary from many of her dysfunctional-family-saving expeditions, has long since retired (Dick Van Dyke appears as the president of the bank).  Mary's new chum is the lamplighter Jack (Lin-Manuel Miranda), who teaches the kids the joy of being working class.

Beefcake:  Not much.  I couldn't even find shirtless photos of most of the male cast in other productions.  This is Tarik Frimpong, who plays one of Jack's coworkers.

Gay subtexts: Lots.

Mary doesn't try to get Michael a girlfriend (or, horrors, become his girlfriend), which is usual in a show about a single parent.  Could it be because Michael is gay?  Ben Whishaw is, after all, and Michael never expresses a glimmer of heterosexual interest (Jane does start dating Jack; have to put the hetero-romance in there somewhere).

Also, Admiral Boom (David Warner), the navy captain from down the street who thinks he's still living on a ship, has a "first mate"/boy toy (actually they're the same age, but they've been living together without the company of women for a number of years, so....).

And Edward Hibbert, who played the swishy-but-straight Gil on Frasier, and is swishy-but-gay in real life, does the voice of Mary's talking umbrella.

Grammar School Beefcake

You thought I meant 10 year olds, didn't you?

In the United States, "grammar school" is an old-fashioned term for "grade school," or more technically "elementary school," for kindergarten through sixth grade (roughly age five to twelve).

So I was surprised to see this photo of Bolton Grammar School boxers.  Those guys don't look twelve years old to me.

Turns out that in Britain and Commonwealth countries, a "grammar school" teaches the Sixth Form, the final three years of your pre-university education (ages 16-18). Most grammar schools have merged into comprehensive secondary schools, but some with a particularly prestigious history remain.  They are roughly equivalent to the elite boarding schools of the U.S.

Now, let's épater les bourgeois, frighten the horses, and give Mrs. Grundy a conniption by looking at grammar school beefcake.

1. The Bolton Grammar School Manchester, founded in 1516, is now just the Bolton School, and admits kids from infancy through Sixth Form.  Alumni include Sir Ian McKellen.

2. Burton Grammar School, London, founded in 1520, moved to Friars Walk, then Bond Street, then Winshill (aren't British street names colorful? they beat the endless Elms and Mains in the U.S.)

 It became part of the comprehensive school system in 1975.

3. Bishop Vesey's Grammar School, Sutton Coldfield, West Midlands, founded in 1527, is currently a Sixth Form College.  Alumni include Robert Burton, author of Anatomy of Melancholy, and gymnast Hamish Carter.

4. The Royal Grammar School, High Wycombe, Buckinghamshire, founded in 1562.  It achieved Academy Status in 2011, and prides itself on its A-Level results, with many graduates placed in Oxford and Cambridge.

5. St. Olave's and St. Saviour's Grammar School, London, founded as two separate schools in 1562 and 1571, now admits both boys and girls.  Old Boys include John Harvard (who founded Harvard University), novelist Lawrence Durrell, and martial artists Nick Osipczak.

6. Brisbane Grammar School, Brisbane, Australia, founded in 1868, enrolls about 1700 boys age 15-18.  It has an open admission policy.

7. Ipswich Grammar School, Ipswich, Australia, founded in 1863, is highly selective.  It enrolls about 1000 boys.

8. Trinity Grammar School is an Anglican-run day and boarding school in Sydney, founded in 1913.  Among its alumni is Kenneth To, who won 6 medals at the 2010 Youth Olympics and was the 2012 Overall Male winner of the FINA Cup.

9. Christ Church Grammar School is not actually in New Zealand.  It's an Anglican-run pre-primary to grade 12 boarding school for boys in Perth, Australia.

Old Boys include water polo stars George and Andrew Ford.

"Await Further Instructions": Await Further Beefcake

The Netflix movie Await Further Instructions (2018) stars cleancut, extremely buffed young Nick (Sam Gittins), who brings his new girlfriend Annji (Neerja Naik) home to meet the folks at Christmastime.  Which of us hasn't had to face that mixture of awkwardness and suspicion?

It's especially awkward when the new "friend"is not what the family expected: someone of the same sex or another race.  Annji isn't white, and the working-class Eastender family isn't exactly woke:  mousy "have a cuppa" Mom (Abigal Cruttenden), bullying, judgmental dad (Grant Masters, left), and "build the wall" Brexit-loving, Jesus-quoting Grandad (David Bradley).

I can relate.  I've brought guys home before.

Um...knowing that the folks were blathering monsters, why did  Nick invite Annji to stay with them? Maybe a dinner in a nice public restaurant would be a better idea.

Filling out the family-from-hell are Nick's very pregnant sister Kate (Holly Weston) and her boorish,  dumb-jock husband Scott (Kris Saddler), who don't really understand what's going on.

You may have noticed that three of the four male cast members are rather buffed, and they do grace us with some shirtless scenes.  Not many, but enough to keep you watching.

The gay symbolism and beefcake explosion made me wonder about the sexual orientation of the director, Johnny "The Revolution" Kevorkian.  

His previous works were self-written, directed, and produced shorts involve a missing brother, a kidnapped wife, "seizures," and a "wake," with hunks in starring roles.

Back to the inane plot: after a few run-ins with the folks, Annji can't take it anymore, and insists that they leave in the middle of the night.  But the entire house is covered by a strange impenetrable mesh.  They're trapped.  Cell phones and the internet are down, but the tv still works: one station, giving directions: "Stay inside and await further instructions."

As the family speculates about what happened -- a terrorist attack?  A ecological disaster?  further instructions appear on the screen.  They are told to inject each other with weird syringes that fall from the chimney, to quarantine one of them, and so on.  They squabble, take sides, get into physical altercations, and the instructions become more and more bizarre.  

Then coaxial cable tentacles start slithering out of the wall and killing them.  They try to fight, but everyone is killed except for Terry's newborn baby, who the tv monster apparently plans to raise: "Hello, Ruby," it writes on the tv screen.  "Worship me."

Um...the baby can't read....

The closing shot reveals that other houses in the neighborhood are also trapped by the cable meshes, so no doubt the tv monsters have taken over the world.  Or at least every house with cable tv.

Um...a parable on our obsession with tv?  This isn't 1973! Why not cell phones, or social media, or something from this century?

And if the tv monsters just wanted to kill all the humans except for a select few, why did they bother with the psychological manipulation?

And...and...and...well, the plot makes no sense, and everyone dies.  Here's another picture of Sam Gittins.

See also: Johnny Kevorkian