"No Good Nick": The Gay Kid Comes Out

Kamala Epstein played a gay kid on The Fosters, so naturally I was going to watch his new Netflix sitcom, No Good Nick (2019-) Even though it also stars former Sabrina the Teenage Witch Melissa Joan Hart, who is a conservative Christian and reputedly homophobic.

The premise: Nick is a 13-year old girl (Siena Adugong) who shows up on the doorstep of a nuclear family claiming to be a long-lost relative.  Mom and Dad (Sean Astin,  Melissa) immediately drop everything and welcome Nick into the family, and their 13-year old daughter Molly is delighted at the prospect of a new sister, but 15-year old Jeremy (Kamala) is suspicious.

And for good reason.  Nick is a con artist, running various scams for her father in prison (Eddie McClintock), with  the ultimate goal of destroying her new foster family.  Dad, in turn, has a secret agenda of his own, so basically it's scammers all the way down.

As I began watching, I noticed something unusual about Jeremy.  Most teenage boys on sitcoms talk like this:  "Good morning, Mom. Girls!  Good morning, Dad. Girls!  What's for breakfast?  Girls!  I have a test in school today. Girls!  It will help me get girls. Girls!"

Jeremy didn't mention Girls, didn't gaze at the It-Girl from across the hall, didn't scheme to meet any or win any.  Nothing.  Not a glimmer of heterosexual interest.    His main plot in the first season invloved running for Student Council President against the ultra-popular Lisa Hadad (transgender actress Josie Totah), who also didn't have any hetero-romantic interests.  Or same-sex interests, for that matter.

Ultra-popular, but no boyfriend or girlfriend?  What kind of high school is this?

At first I concluded that Jeremy must be asexual.  Surely he couldn't be gay, not in a series starring Melissa Joan Hart!  But in the second season, third episode, Nick catches him kissing a boy!

"I want to come out my own way," he admonishes her.

Nick, who is full of secrets, agrees to keep his.

In Episode 8, Jeremy plans a complex coming-out performance, with powerpoint presentation, and Diana Ross's "I'm Coming Out," which of course turns into a disaster.  But he manages to convey the main idea.

The word "gay" is never spoken, and there are no more references to Jeremy's gayness.  It has a 1990s "problem of the week" feel.

But there are so few gay teenage characters on tv -- so few gay men of any age -- that I'll take what I can get.

Especially in a tv series starring Melissa Joan Hart.

Imposters: Gay Subtexts in a Long Con

The first episode of Imposters is nightmarishly heterosexist, but hang in there -- it gets better.

The awkward, shy, but somehow extremely wealthy Ezra (Rob Heaps) works for his father's shoe company, where water-cooler banter involves mostly boobs and how much you are getting. 

Somehow Ezra grew up less sexist, and married the "the woman of his dreams," the French-accented Ava (Inbar Lavi),  even though he has to negotiate his Neanderthal brother (Adam Korson) and boorish father (Mark Harelik), with their "does she like it when you have sex with her?" leering.

It's no wonder that she vanishes a month after the wedding, draining his bank account and leaving a very nice "it's not you, it's me" video.

Then Ezra meets dumb but formerly extremely wealthy jock Richard
(Parker Young, top photo), who married the same woman, only she called herself "Alice."  One month, bank account drained, vanished.

 And lesbian artist Jules (Marianne Rendon), who married Cece.  One month, bank account drained, vanished.

The trio vow to track down the elusive scammer, to get their money back, or at least say "how could you treat me like that?  I thought our love was real." (Their only cue is a story about her pet dog, which she told to each of them).  They are brok, so they indulge in some cons and identity-theft tricks to raise money, and become quite proficient at it.

Eventually they track down the scammer -- real name Maddie -- in Seattle, where she is working on her new mark, a disagreeable, violent-tempered banker (Aaron Douglas).

She has two older associates with the ridiculously 1940s names Max and Sal (Brian Benben, Katherine LaNasa), and a big boss, the ridiculously malevolent Doctor.  If ever she tries to get out of the game or shirk her duties by getting a boyfriend on the side, the Doctor will send in his cool-as-ice fixer (Uma Thurman).

 Things get complicated when Maddie falls in love for real with the extremely wealthy Patrick (Stephen Bishop).

And even more complicated when her banker mark ends up murdered.


And even more complicated when Patrick turns out to have a game-changing secret of his own.

And even more well, you get the idea... when the Bumblers (Ezra, Richard, and Jules) show up in Seattle, and agree to work with Maddie and her associates to bring the Doctor down.

Gay characters:  Jules, who starts dating Patrick's "sister" Gina, even though they're both working on cons against the other.

Maddie is bisexual, I suppose, but it's never referred to.

Gay subtext:  Richard strikes me as gay but not out (Jules even refers to this or that hot guy as his new "boyfriend" or "man-crush").  He has a gay-subtext bromance with Ezra, and then switches to Maddie's associate Max.  Side note: Silver Daddy Brian Benben was last seen as a bare-butt Dad on Dream On?

Beefcake: Occasional shirts off. The cast is surprisingly top-heavy with hot guys.  For example, Samuel Patrick Chu plays a nebbish working at the bank, not part of any scams, with only a few lines.  And here's his physique.

I've only seen one season of The Imposters.  My grade: B

There are nude photos of Mark Harelik on Tales of West Hollywood.

See also: Chris Demetral

14 Beefcake Stars of "Don't Trust the B in Apartment 23"

Don't Trust the B in Apartment 23 premiered in April 2012, oddly following the family-friendly Modern Family.  After 7 episodes, it was renewed for a second season, but episodes were shown out of sequence, leaving viewers confused.  In January 2013, it was abruptly cancelled, leaving 8 episodes of 26 unaired.  But you can see the whole series on Logo and Netflix (unfortunately, still not in the right order).

It's a buddy comedy about a wholesome, idealistic girl from hayseed-stereotyped Indiana, June Colburn (Dreama Walker) and her apartment mate, the fun, glamorous, and utterly amoral Chloe (Krysten Ritter), who makes her living through scams and frauds (but this is the New York of Friends, not Seinfeld, so even the evil are rather nice).  Through a constant stream of mishaps, crises, and long-cons, June learns to be more spontaneous, and Chloe develops a conscience, of sorts.

Their partner-in-hijinks is James Van Der Beek of Dawson's Creek, playing "himself" as obsessed with his dwindling fanbase and trying to make a comeback on Dancing with the Stars.  Celebrity competitors and colleagues often appear: Dean Cain, Frankie Muniz, Mark-Paul Gosselaar, Richard Dean Anderson.

There's not much gay presence, except for screaming-queen Luther (Ray Ford), James' assistant, and some gay-subtext vibe between James and Mark (Eric Andre), the manager of the coffee shop where June works.

But the beefcake is constant.  The 26 episodes feature at least 14 hunks, mostly with their shirts off.

1. and 2. James Van Der Beek and Eric Andre (above).

3. Michael Blaiklock  (left) as Eli, the "pervert" who openly spies on them through the open window and offers friendly advice.

4. Michael Landes as Scott, Chloe's father.  She sets June up with him, without mentioning that parental thing.  Personally, I don't have any problems with dating guys old enough to be my father, or young enough to be my son, but June freaks out.

5. Ben Lawson as Benjamin, an Australian director who becomes part of Chloe's Halloween scam: she always makes someone's worst fear's come true.  But Chloe doesn't realize that Ben is scamming her, too, making her worst fear come true: the fear that she will genuinely care for someone.

6. Kyle Howard as Daniel, a "regular guy" that Chloe and June compete over in a bizarre dating game orchestrated by James -- without telling Daniel.
















7. Hartley Sawyer as Charles, a dumb guy with amazing abs who June hooks up with to demonstrate that she's not a prude.  Unfortunately, she is then conned into becoming his girlfriend.

8. Ryan Windish as Beckett Everett, the owner of a shop where Chloe gets a job to enact her latest scam.

















More after the break.

Hustle

One night I channel-surfed onto Hustle (2004-2012), a British comedy-drama about a group of amiable con artists. Young-gun Danny Blue (Marc Warren) meets Troy (Lee Ingleby) in a bar. They talk for hours. Then Danny says goodbye, starts to walk away, realizes that he doesn’t want to part, and rushes back to Troy again, surely a “falling in love” moment. In the next scene, apparently the morning after their sexual intimacy, Danny is introducing Troy to his colleagues and petitioning to include him in their latest con.

 Throughout, the two display a remarkably expressive physicality, with full-body hugs, arms around shoulders, hands pressed against chests. “Obviously a gay couple,” I thought. At the end of the episode we discover that Danny has just being feigning interest in order to orchestrate a revenge-con against the unscrupulous Troy. But still, the interest Danny feigned was overtly homoerotic, to the point of probably sleeping with him. 

 

I tuned in the next week, and the next. Danny’s job in the con always involves bonding with attractive men, and never flirting with women, not even a receptionist or secretary. When he must pretend to have sex with a female colleague (so the mark can hear them through the wall and conclude that they are a couple), he can barely restrain his giggles. Off duty, he is seen only with guys. He gazes with palpable desire at gang leader Mickey Bricks (Adrian Lester). Obviously scripted as gay, I thought. I even checked online to see if Marc Warren had played gay before (he had, twice). 

 Then, in the fourth episode, Danny is juggling girlfriends from all over the world, using different cell phones to keep track of the lies he used to woo them. Hustle took just four weeks to heterosexualize its gay character.

The Unrequited Loves of Michael Welch

If you're fifteen years old, you're familiar with Michael Welch from the Twilight saga about a girl torn between vampire and werewolf boyfriends (Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner).  He plays a human who has an unrequited crush on her.

Michael has sharp features and striking eyes that make him look angelic, demonic, or alien, so he is often cast as a  gay-vague outsider, even if he sometimes experiences unrequited heterosexual passions.

He began his acting career at the age of 10 in Star Trek: Insurrection (1998)  as Artim, a boy from a non-technological planet who bonds with the android Data.  His touching performance won him a Young Artist Award.

Next came a series of paranormal and science fiction roles, including a clone of Colonel Jack O'Neill (Richard Dean Anderson) who just wants to be a normal teenager on Stargate SG-1.  

Michael also guest-starred in a number of sitcoms and dramatic series, including a memorable role as a new neighbor who falls for the brainy Malcolm in Malcolm in the Middle.

On Joan of Arcadia (2003-2005), he played Luke Girardi, younger brother of the girl who talks to God, who has a homoromantic buddy-bond with his best friend Friedman (Aaron Himmelstein), although he dates girls also.

He was also in many movies.  In The United States of Leland (2003), his mentally-challenged Ryan is murdered by classmate Leland (Ryan Gosling), who is dating his sister.

The Grind (2009) is about a grifter, Luke (C. Thomas Howell), who depends on his friends Josh and Courtney (Michael, Tanya Allen) to get him out of a jam. They start a sleazy website, but things go sour, and Luke has to rescue them from the Mexican mafia.

In Lost Dream (2009), college student Perry (Michael) falls for nihilistic free-spirit Giovanni (Shaun Sipos), who is involved in risky sex, drugs, and games of Russian roulette.  He must save Gio before it's too late.

Michael's many unrequited, doomed, and hopeless same-sex loves seem to be throwbacks to the 1960s and 1970s, where the gay guy was always depressed and usually doomed.  But, to be fair, his characters often have unrequited, doomed, and hopeless heterosexual loves, too.

Heterosexual in real life, he is a gay ally who publicly voices his support of gay marriage.

The Bizarro Jerry: Tim DeKay's Gay Work

I like Seinfeld -- I own DVD sets of the entire series -- but the characters are constantly making heterosexist comments, and often they are downright homophobic.  It seems strange, therefore, to find cast members acting in gay roles or supporting gay rights.

Maybe not Tim DeKay.  In one of his first tv gigs (1996), the Ithaca, New York boy with a MFA in Theater played Kevin, the "Bizarro Jerry," Jerry's complete opposite -- considerate, caring, literate, and no doubt gay-positive.

In real life, Tim has done a ton of gay-positive work:

1. Five Houses (1998): A gay couple from Oklahoma moves into a big-city cul-de-sac.  He played one of the partners.

2. Big Eden (2000), about a gay New York artist (Arye Gross of Ellen) who returns to his home town in rural Montana where everybody is amazingly pro-gay.  He tries to hook up with the jock he had a crush on in high school (Tim), but is gently rejected.

3. Randy and the Mob (2007): Randy (Ray McKinnon), a Southern redneck, flees the mob and seeks refuge with his gay identical twin brother Cecil (Ray McKinnon in a double role). Tim plays Cecil's partner, Bill.

4. The gay-subtext buddy-drama White Collar (2009-): a con artist (Matt Bomer) teamed up with an FBI agent (Tim, the one wearing pink).

When Matt Bomer came out in 2012, Tim was all praise: "I love him, and I am so proud of him.  He's just a fantastic individual, and I think he did it in a very classy, elegant, and eloquent way."

Prime Time Drama Thinks You Don't Exist

I usually don't watch contemporary tv dramas, because I never get past the first episode, no matter how interesting the premise.  Every one of them, at least every one that I've tried to watch, begins with a hysterical assertion that the protagonist is not gay.  It doesn't take long -- a few seconds of loud smooching, a bedroom scene, some flirtation.  Then, the heterosexuals assured once again that they are alone in the universe, we can get on with the plot.  By that time, I have usually changed the channel in disgust.

Fringe (2008): Special agent Olivia (Anna Torv) has sex with her boyfriend.  He dies. She's not gay!!!!! Thank goodness!  Now she can get to the business of investigating the paranormal.  (See: The 12 Beefcake Stars of Fringe.)

White Collar (2009): Neal Caffrey (gay actor Matt Bomer) is visited in prison by his girlfriend.  They touch hands through the glass window separating them. He's not gay!!!!  Thank goodness!  Now he can get to the business of investigating forgeries and frauds.

Person of Interest (2011): CIA agent John Reese (Jim Cavaziel, left) smooches with his girlfriend.  She dies.  He's not gay!!!!  Thank goodness!  Now he can get to the business of stopping crimes before they happen.

Under the Dome (2013): Every one of the 9 main characters, with the exception of the lesbian attorney, spends the first episode kissing, flirting, losing a husband/wife, or discussing a husband/wife.

Dexter (2006) was the most egregious offender, maybe because forensic scientist/serial killer Dexter was played by Michael C. Hall (below), fresh from a gay role on Six Feet Under, and it was introduced through a full-page ad in The Advocate, openly inviting gay viewers. Naturally, one assumed that it would be gay-friendly. Yet the opening scenes scream loudly, over and over, that gay people ABSOLUTELY DO NOT EXIST.

Dexter doesn't have a girlfriend, but they find other ways to proclaim universal heterosexuality:
1. He goes to a crime scene, where one of the investigators exclaims that his sister is hot and the other commentss on the dismembered woman's attractiveness.
2. He goes to the police station, inquires about the hetero-romances of his coworkers, and talks to an older women, who advises "You should find a pretty girl,” utterly unaware that some men are gay.

3. Then – and only five minutes of air time have passed -- it’s Friday night, “date night in Miami; everybody’s having sex.” Many shots of men and women dining al fresco in the heart of a gay neighborhood that is utterly gay free.
4. Dexter announces that he doesn't experience emotion, and doesn't care for sex, although he "appreciates women, like every man."
5. However, in order to keep up an "appearance of normalcy," he is dating a woman.

Why go through the trouble of advertising a television program to an audience, and then devote the entire first episode to chanting "You don't exist!  Ha-ha!"

It's Your Move

Before Married with Children demolished the myth of the euphoric nuclear family, It's Your Move (1984-85) did the same for the teencom.  Matt Burton (Jason Bateman, who would go on to star on The Hogan Family) seems to be a perfect teenage boy, but he's actually an unscrupulous, amoral operator, running a variety of scams and illegal businesses with the assistance of his best friend Eli (Adam Sadowski).  His only soft spot is for his mother, Eileen (Caren Kaye), so some of his schemes involve doing things for her, like getting her a raise at work.

Then struggling writer Norman Lamb (David Garrison, who would go on to star on Married...with Children) moves into the apartment across the hall and starts dating Matt's mom.  It turns out that there is also an unscrupulous, amoral operator lurking under his "nice guy" facade.  But not to worry, he has only honorable intentions.

Matt and Norman begin a battle of wits, cons, and blackmail, as each tries to gain power and demonstrate the other's true nature to an oblivious Eileen.

It was a welcome surcease from the TGIF sitcom jungle. Plus beefcake (David Garrison in extremely tight jeans), gay symbolism (hiding a secret life), and a decided lack of girl-craziness in Matt. Though his relationship with Eli didn't quite make the intensity of a homoromance.

The producers had high hopes for It's Your Move.  A tie-in novel was authorized, and up-and-coming star River Phoenix had a guest shot in the pilot.

Teen magazines began nonstop gushing over freckle-faced Jason Bateman..

Unfortunately, the network shoved the series into a Wednesday night timeslot opposite the blockbuster Dynasty, with the sixth season of The Facts of Life as a lead-in.  I watched, but apparently nobody else did.  Only 18 episodes aired.  You can see them on youtube.

Boy on a Dolphin: Gay Subtexts in 1960s Greece

Ancient Greece  had always been a "good place," with endless tales of gods in love and heroes battling monsters while naked.  But what about modern Greece?

There was My Village in Greece, about a boy who roamed a white-roofed village on the isolated island of Mykonos (not yet a gay mecca), and Peter Buckley's similar Greek Island Boy.  

There were pictures of men and boys on white-sand beaches, sometimes hugging.

Many movies that appeared in the first days of the 1960s made modern Greece a sleepy backwoods full of big-breasted temptresses who are discovered and civilized by the West. (sort of like the Peace Corps with sex instead of well-digging).  But also full of gay subtexts.

Boy on a Dolphin (1957) starred Sophia Loren's breasts, but two Westerners were triangulating their love-hate relationship over them (and the statue of the boy on the dolphin): art collector Victor (Clifton Webb) and hunky museum curator James (Alan Ladd, right).  Both actors were gay.

Besides, the real Boy on a Dolphin was a nude teenager named Arion.

Never on Sunday (1960) had an American named Homer (Jules Dassin, left) trying to reform a prostitute, and with her all of Greek culture. No gay subtexts, but lots of hot Greek sailors falling all over each other in their eagerness to become clients.

It Happened in Athens (1962), about two men, one rich and one poor, competing in a marathon.

Island of Love (1963) is basically Some Like It Hot without the drag.  Two film producers fleeing the mob take refuge on a Greek island, where one of them falls for a gangster's daughter.   The other doesn't like girls.  (Tony Randall and Robert Preston have both played gay characters.)

The Moon-Spinners (1964), a Disney caper movie set on the island of Crete, stars Peter McEnery, the first gay teenager on film.

Zorba the Greek (1964) sends another Westerner, a British writer named Basil (Alan Bates) to Greece to civilize the savages, but in this case he's the one transformed, by the free-spirited Zorba (Anthony Quinn).  They end up falling in love, and though in the end Basil must go back home, they have time for one last dance on the beach. (Alan Bates, by the way, was gay).

Ashley Walters: from Grange to Gangster to Gay

Speaking of Ashley Walters, how often does a  rapper and former gang banger play gay characters -- twice -- and show off his physique (waist up, anyway) in a gay magazine?

One of the "brightest young stars" in Britain when he made his acting debut at age 13, Ashley starred in the long-running soap Grange Hill (1997), Coral Island (2000), Storm Damage (2000), and The Adventures of the Young Indiana Jones (2000).

In 2001, he played a kid who comes out to his father on the tv series The Bill.

According to his interview in the gay magazine Attitude, as a shy, artistic kid growing up on the mean streets, "I was attacked a lot.  I was stabbed, kidnapped, and shot at."  So the "lovely little boy that wanted hugs all the time" developed a tough facade.  He became a member of the rap group So Solid Crew (as Asher D), and released several hits, including "21 Seconds," "They Don't Know," and "Haters."

In 2001, at age 19, he was arrested after a "fracas" with a traffic warden, in which he was carrying a loaded gun, and sent to prison for 18 months.

Upon his release, Ashley played ghetto kids, thugs, and gang bangers, most famously in Bullet Boy (2004) and Get Rich or Die Tryin' (2005), starring rapper 50 Cent.  And in The Killing Gene (2007), released in Britain as WaZ, a serial killer forces victims to choose between themselves and their loved ones.  Ashley played one of the victims, a tough inner city gay hood.

He was also busy in television, starring as one of the amiable con artists on Hustle, a murder witness who might be a terrorist on Five Days, a drug dealer on Top Boy, and the head of a security team on another planet on Outcasts.  Some substantial buddy-bonding, and lots of shirtless, semi-nude, and bulge shots to incite the interest of gay men and heterosexual women (according to rumor, he has one of the largest endowments of any actor in the business, rivaling the foot-long Milton Berle of 1950s tv).

In real life Ashley is married with children, and a gay ally.

Antonio Banderas in Love

The White River Kid (1999) was advertised with lots of beefcake shots of Wes Bentley, who played the goofy spree killer.

But it also contained a gay romance.  Two amiable con artists visit the Weed family of rural Arkansas, and Morales (Antonio Banderas) takes up with the teenage hayseed Reggie (Chad Lindberg).

Soon the two are inseparable – sitting together at dinner, talking walks together, plotting cons together – and effusive, with arms around waists, a kiss on the forehead, a lascivious hand on the knee.

They even visit a bathhouse, where Reggie lustfully peeks inside the private rooms, and Morales gets a chance to ogle Reggie’s nude butt. But they do not merely desire each other, they develop a deep emotional intimacy. When the gangsters begin shooting, Morales tries to shield Reggie with his own body.


Finally they abandon rural Arkansas and go away together – Morales exclaims, “It’s just you and me now!”  In the last scene, we see them working a con in Las Vegas.  Reggie is stylishly dressed, with an effeminate pinkie ring. Obviously several years have passed, and they are still together, a long-term gay couple.

In the original novel, The Little Brothers of St. Mortimer (1991), author John Fergus Ryan identifies the pair more openly than the movie – he explicitly states that Reggie is gay, and that Morales has tried everything during his long career as a grifter, but prefers men.  However, in the novel they are minor characters, meeting, enjoying a night of passion, and running away together all in a single paragraph, then disappearing from the story.

Why did the movie emphasize the gay romance, when usually the opposite happens?  Antonio Banderas has played gay characters several times (and favored audiences with many nude scenes).  Chad Lindberg, who generally plays losers and outcasts, is bisexual (according to his myspace page).  Maybe they worked together to ensure that their characters' voices were heard.

Get it on Amazon