"Why Don't Ya Come Ovah?": Tarik Hooks Up with a Ghost

Norfolk, July 2000

Tarik was 32 years old, working as a dietician in a hospital and cruising for older white guys, preferably cops.

Norfolk was a rough town, and rather homophobic, so you had to be careful: a lot of the cops would let you go down on them, then rob you or beat you up.  But there weren't a lot of gay venues other than the bars: he went to the MCC, the gay church, and wrote for Our Own Community Press, the local gay newspaper.

It was at the MCC that he met Mitchy: in his 50s, short, thin, greying, a bit on the femme side  (I have an image of Leslie Jordan), and something of a dollar-dropper (trying to attract guys with an ostentatious display of wealth).  Three minutes into the conversation, he had mentioned that he lived in Linkhorn, the wealthiest neighborhood in Virginia Beach, and that he owned a Rembrandt.  All in a thick Tidewater accent: "Hello theah, deah.  Ahm'm from Linhohn.  Ah own a pictuah by Rembrandt."

Maybe because he grew up poor and a member of the black-supremacist Nation of Islam, Tarik always found topping rich white guys very erotic, so he accepted Mitchy's invitation to "come ovah."

Not a great hookup.  A 45 minute drive, and turns out that Mitchy wasn't into anal; he was an oral top, and not even hung.  Plus his house was very cold, the Rembrandt was of a woman, there was another picture of a naked woman in the bedroom, he had torch songs playing constantly, and he was a bit racist: "Would you lakh to heah something else?  I know y'all lakh rap..."

But Tarik was not used to being pursued, so when Mitchy called two nights later and asked "Why don't yah come ovah?", he agreed.

More boring oral sex while a naked woman looked down on them and torch songs played, and it was so cold that they had to stay under the covers.

Three nights later "Why don't yah cove ovah for dinnah?"

Mitchy served pork chops!  Tarik didn't belong to the Nation of Islam anymore, but he still avoided pork.  He filled up on mashed potatoes and green beans, and then there was more oral sex right at the dining room table, before dessert.

And Mitchy insisted that he spend the night.

This was turning into a full-fledged relationship, except Mitchy never wanted to go out.  Apparently he was too closeted to go to the bars, and the day they met was the only time he attended the MCC.  He looked up in online chatrooms, and went out to First Landing State Park, the outdoor cruising area in Virginia Beach.

Great, an unwanted boyfriend who wasn't into anal, who wasn't hung and who was in the closet!

Tarik accepted "Why don't yah come ovah?" invitations two or three more times before getting the gumption to say "No.  Sorry, I don't feel like it tonight."

"But deah, I'm horney.  I have needs."

It was always about Mitchy's needs, wasn't it?  "Sorry, I don't feel like it."

"But deah, if you won't come ovah, I'll have to go to the park to meet a fella."

"Do what you want.  I'm not coming over."  Tarik hung up on him.

The next day when he went to the office of Our Own Community press, they were talking about a newspaper article. "Does anyone know if he was gay?  Was it really a bashing incident?"

Mitchy's housekeeper found him dead in his bedroom.  He had been beaten and strangled.  Nothing was taken. The police were baffled, but Tarik figured that he had gone out cruising and propositioned the wrong guy. 

Tarik felt guilty, of course.  If he hadn't said "no" that night.  But Mitchy made the decision to pick up rough trade.  He made the decision to stay in the closet.

A few weeks later, Tarik was lying in bed, just dozing off, when the phone rang. 

"Hello, deah.  Why don't yah come ovah?"

A prank call? But Tarik had told only a few people about his hookup/dates, and no one about Mitch's signature phrase or thick Tidewater accent.

Mitchy still pestering him for a hookup from beyond the grave?

The full story, with explicit sex and nude photos, is on Tales of West Hollywood.

Is Dora the Explorer's City of Gold Worth Exploring?

Dora the Explorer (2000-2015) was a Nickelodeon cartoon series aimed at preschoolers, starring an 8-year old girl who had adventures in a Latin American jungle.  I never watched  -- preschool-oriented, and besides, the rhyme irks me: "explorer" is pronounced "explorer," not "explorah."

But I understand that it has become quite a media empire, broadcast in 35 languages (including Irish and Maori, even though all of the speakers are bilingual in English), spun off into toys, books, games, videos, and a series starring Dora's cousin Diego (2005-2011).  And now a live-action movie, Dora the Explorer and the City of Gold, with Dora as a teenager (played by 18-year old Isabel Moner, far right).

Wait -- a teenager?  What audience are they trying to reach with fart jokes and hetero-horniness?  Preschoolers who are still watching the show?  Young adults who grew up with Dora?  Teen idol fans?

Let's see if there are any teen idols or beefcake actors in the cast.

The top photo suggests that  Dora goes explorah-ing with three guy friends and an adult guide.  From the right, they are:

1. Jeffrey Wahlberg as Cousin Diego.  Even though he's the son of former underwear model Mark Wahlberg, I can't find any shirtless shots.

2. Nicholas Coombe, "va new face in the entertainment industry," as Randy.  According to his instagram, Nicholas is a "part-time actor, full time iced mocha connoisseur," and he has a girlfriend.

This is as close as I could find to a shirtless shot, Nicholas made up to be killed in the Australian zombie movie Infected Paradise.

3. Madeleine Madden as Sammy.  Madeleine seems to identify as  a woman, but Sammy is a boy's name and the character looks like a boy.  Maybe they're nonbinary.

4. No other potential teen idols except, down near the end of the cast list, Joey Vieira as Nico.  His favorite acting job so far has been an episode of The Simpsons.  When I search for shirtless or nude pics, all that comes up is his namesake, the Joey Vieira who played the sidekick on Lassie in the 1960s, and a female bodybuilder.

That's it, unless you look way down in the cast list for the Australian actors cast in "blink and you miss it" scenes:
Jace Fleming as Mean Kid
Lachlan Winters as High School Kid
Cameron Jackson as High School Student #23.

Well, maybe there are some adult beefcake actors?






5.  The adult guide, Alejandro, is played by Eugeno Derbez.  He's known for a lot of Mexican tv, Aztec Warrior (which is not about an Aztec), Geostorm, Overboard, and How to Be a Latin Lover.  Nice hairy chest, stupid expression.

6. Michael Peña with a beard play Dora's Dad.  You can also see him or hear him in Narcos, My Little Pony, Family Guy, and CHIPS (the remake; he plays Ponch, but never takes off his shirt).

7. Kiwi actor Temuera Morrison, as Powell, who I'm guessing is a baddie.  He's been in Star Wars, Aquaman, and other superhero movies, as well as Tatau (2015), a supernatural murder miniseries set in the Cook Islands.

We'll have to wait to see if there are any gay subtexts, but so far it looks like Dora the Explorah is a dud.

Utqiagvik, Alaska: Beefcake in the Most Isolated Town in the U.S.

Utqiagvik, Alaska (previously Barrow) is the most isolated town in the U.S.  You can't drive in or out.  Everything has to be flown in from Fairbanks (a 3 1/2 hour flight). so everything is frightfully expensive ($16 for a chicken sandwich at Artic Pizza.)

4,500 residents, 60% Inupiat (but only a few speak the Inupiaq language).  Although the town hosted the first same-sex wedding in the state, there are only four open lesbian residents and no gay men.

There's not a lot going on. The Inupiat Heritage Center has some exhibits, the Pluraagvik Recreation Center has a gym, and you can go on a tour of the tundra..And you can go physique watching.

There are only 226 students at Barrow High School, home of the Whales, but they are eager to take off their shirts whenever feasible.

When wrestling.

Or at the beach (for looking, not swimming -- the water is below 32 degrees and quite dangerous)

But there are always intrepid tourists who attempt a "Polar Plunge."

Back to the high school.  Powerlifting.

Winning a "school spirit" award.

But, strangely enough, not on a vacation in Hawaii.  Too hot to go shirtless!