"Bonding": Who Knew BDSM was So Boring?

The "Bonding" in Boomer's Beefcake and Bonding refers to "male bonding," intimate emotional connections between men that can be read as homoromantic.

But the new Netflix short-series Bonding (2019) is about BDSM.  Or something like it.

Pete, a ridiculously straightlaced, conservative Richie Cunningham type (Brendan Scannell), wants to become a stand-up comedian, but is too shy to get on stage.  Desperate for money, he takes a job assisting free spirit Tiff (Zoe Levin), who works as a dominatrix.

I can't imagine a worse job for someone who is: a. ridiculously straightlaced; b. ridiculously shy; and c. gay  (well,he says he's gay, and he dates men, but the way he and Tiff gaze longingly at each other, I'm not sure).

But at least the subs (straight word for bottoms) are all men, so he can see some penises, and work on his stand-up routine.

I've been in BDSM scenes.  They're nothing like this.  Flintstones fetishes.  Penguin wrestling.  Tickling house calls orchestrated by the wife. And aggressively pansexual: the subs, who signed on for a heterosexual scene, don't seem to mind at all when a guy helps out.  When Tiff doesn't show up for a scene at all, the sub insists that Pete take over.

The BDSM job makes for some "coming out" sequences, as Pete struggles to tell his roommate (who, in a subplot, is upset because his girlfriend won't try ass-play, so he asks Pete to do it), and Tiff decides to tell her whole psychology class through show-and-tell.

About that -- psychiatrists go to medical school.  This is like an undergrad psych class. There's a lecture on Freud. And it appears to be the only class any of the students are taking.

You would think that a show about a dominatrix's assistant would be more...um...interesting.  But it's mostly sight gags playing with Pete's discomfort with nearly everything ("You want me to rub what on what?") followed by long, boring conversations.

Both Pete and Tiff are ridulously broken, using BDSM as a barrier to keep from making real emotional connections.

Wait -- which one am I supposed to identify with?

And what am I supposed to make of the last scene, when they go on a housecall and meet a killer?  In a comedy.  Changes the whole vibe.

By the way, guess who they end up with:

The jaded, done-everything, whipping-your-genitals-before-breakfast Tiff hooks up with Doug (Micah Stock), the most redonkulously naive, conservative, corn-fed country boy who ever ended up in grad school in psychology in New York. Their first date is to a video game arcade.  What is he, twelve?

Micah Stock, by the way, is by far the most attractive cast member.  But I couldn't find any beefcake photos.  Figures.

The redonkulously naive, conservative, ultra-skittish, "but people might see us!" Pete hooks up with the jaded, done-everything-twice Josh (Theo Stockman).  Their first date is to a gay strip club, where they drink real alcoholic beverages while go-go boys gyrate over them.

Gay characters:  They're all pansexual.

Gay Sex: Just kissing.  We do see two heterosexual sex scenes (no nudity).  The BDSM scenes don't appear to involve genital contact.

Beefcake:  Not as much as you might think.  Apparently you keep your clothes on for BDSM.  We get to see some of Pete, if you're into skinny androgynous types.

I'll give it a C, if you're not into BDSM.  If you are, you'll find it so horribly inaccurate that it's unwatchable.