Mar 14, 2020

"Outing Riley" AKA "IF Dad Only Knew": Yuck

Amazon Prime has added a lot of gay-themed movies and tv shows. I don't know where they all came from. Most are atrocious.  Like If Dad Only Knew: A macho gay guy comes out to his macho brothers, only they don't believe he's really gay.

It starts with the gay guy, Bobby (Peter Jones) walking on a beach, his arms around two girls with their breasts out, wondering why no one believes that "a guy like me" could be gay. Well...maybe the boobs throw them off?

After he proves he's gay by getting a blow job from a guy, we cut to his father's wake, where he tells boob jokes to his nephews (um...are you sure you're not bi?) and introduces us to his huge stereotyped Irish Catholic family:

1.Father Jack (Dev Kennedy), his oldest brother.

2. Connor (Stoney Westmoreland), who would be "Fredo" in the Corleones.  I don't know what that means.

3, Maggie, the only girl, who's married to Nathan Fillion, the only big star.

4. Whoops, sorry, they just hug and kiss.  Nathan Fillion plays Luke, the fourth sibling.   "If gay marriage were legal in Chicago -- about as likely as the Cubs winning the Pennant -- Luke would be my best man."

It's impossible to find a shirtless shot of Nathan Fillion that's not a gif or fully nude, so for the top photo, I'm substituting one that Google Images wants me to believe is "Nathan Fillion shirtless." I don't know who it really is.


Here's another picture that Google Images wants me to believe is Nathan Fillion at the beach.  It's lying more than usual today, for some reason.

Other than boob jokes and sports references Bobby hides his gayness with a fake romance with his bff Carly, a lesbian-- they're each other's beards.

Cut to the diner, where Carly asks Bob and his very ugly boyfriend Andy, "how are you two big fag homos doing"?  They accept the insult without question.

She then tells Bob "you're like the sister I never had."

Got it,gay men are really women.

Cut to Bobby with his brothers, making jokes about erections and masturbation. Nathan gets drunk and argues with the tv set -- naked -- hugging his brother in law.  Geeze, the brothers are more gay than Bobby.

Bobby climbs on the roof with Nathan to peek at a naked girl through the skylight (full frontal)

For a movie ostensibly aimed at gay men, there's a lot of boobs.

By the way, if you search for "Pete Jones naked" on Google Images, about a milion images of naked ladies appear.  I doubt that any of them are him, so here's a fully clothed shot. The one on the left.  I don't know who the one on the right is -- not his boyfriend, though.   He's got a wife and kids, and a wedding band.

Fast forward.  Bobby is applying for a job.  The boss says that his two partners are "funny," and he needs a straight guy on the team to even things out.  He needs somebody to drink beer with.  Bobby likes beer, right?

Right, I've been to lots of gay bars, and no one ever orders a beer.  It's always peach raspberry mai tai pouffee with a little umbrella.


Minute 40: Bobby comes out by showing the brothers pictures of him and his boyfriend being romantic. They laugh, think he is joking; the priest stalks out, yelling that, whether he's joking or not,  "it's sick, tasteless, and totally inappropriate."  The others leave,too.

Later they explain:  They're not homophobic, except when it's their brother, just like they're not racist, but they wouldn't want a (come  on, did they really use the n-word?)  dating their sister.  That's the definition of racist, guys. 

And how can they explain it to the kids?  How about "Uncle Bobby is gay."

They visit the boyfriend to try to convince him to stop making Bobby gay, and are disgusted to hear "I'm in love with your brother."  But he still likes sports? WTF. 

They conclude "Bobby's the straightest gay guy in Chicago.  Like being the smartest retard."  Ok, offensive term noted.  So gay is always inferior to straight, but some gay guys like sports, and therefore get close to the bottom rung of straightness.  Got it.

Fast forward to reconciling with the brothers and a party where someone offers a toast "to true love."

Turns out this movie, originally titled Outing Riley, came out in 2004.  That's about the Will and Grace era of "I'm not homophobic, but gay men are really women."

Yuck.

Pete Jones tells The Advocate that he never intended Outing Riley to be a gay movie -- he didn't know any gay people, he had no exposure to gay culture.. He just just wanted a "dropping a bombshell" scenario.  It could have been turning Protestant, or marrying a black girl, but being gay seemed like it would have more comic potential.

That explains a lot.  I repeat -- yuck.

5 comments:

  1. Always liked Henry Cavill's beefy daddy body but, not his face. Just not my type.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is that who the first photo is of? I recognize the name,but I can't place him. Was he a Superman?

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    2. Aloha.
      Yes He Was Clark Kent/Superman In 3 Movies, "Man Of Steel", Batman Vs. Superman" And "Justice League". He Is One HOT Son Of A Bitch! :)

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    3. I don't think that's Henry Cavill in the fist photo- he is a lot better looking than that

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  2. What about a [black guy] dating their brother?

    Yeah, that casual racism still exists in some circles. And I'm 2004? Certainly. In the immortal words of Linkara reviewing Youngblood: Judgment Day, "1990s pastiche of casual racism." (And you want to know the politics of the writer? It was Alan Moore.)

    ReplyDelete

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