Sounds cheesy, but that's such an unusual configuration. Not a boyfriend? Or a boy saving his girlfriend? So I tune in.
Scene 1: 10 years ago, teenage Jake (Cooper Hagen, an actor/model in his mid-20s) and his sister Sarah are playing antiquated video games in an old-fashioned arcade. She teases him about being a superior player, then goes outside, where Mom is waiting in the car. Jake pauses at a new game: Rancala.
It calls to him: "Join your friends in the quest of a lifetime. Meet the King." The goal is a guy, not a beautiful princess? I'd play that. Jake touches the console and vanishes
Scene 2: Today, Sarah (redhead) and her two hot warrior babe-video game geek friends, Chrissy (blonde) and Rae (brunette), are opening a retro video game arcade/bar to let 30 year old geeks get their nostalgia on. Also in a memorial to Jake, who vanished without a trace and is assumed dead. Apparently they were all close friends in high school (close friends with girls, huh? Definitely gay!).
The retro game Rancala arrives, and the player icon looks like Jake. Weird! But they conclude that it has been stuck on the Start Screen of a game that Jake began just before he was grabbed by the kidnapper. So it could be a clue....
They decide to play. Rae pushes the "Player" button, and vanishes. Then Chrissy. Assuming, withut proof, that it is transporting them to another world instead of dissolving their molecules, Sarah pushes the button.
Level 1: And appears on a desolate, rocky beach, where the ladies are wearing bikinis, for some reason (it's how their icons were created?)> They fight flying sharks before a "Come with me if you want to live" guy shows up and gives them a plot dump: They must make it to the War Camp on the other side of the island and defeat the Superboss before their timers expire, or they will be trapped forever.
These developments do not surprise them in the least. I guess people get trapped in video games a lot. {Plus they decide,with no evidence, that Jake is being held captive by the King (or Superboss) at the War Camp.
Level 2: Yay! They change into less gross outfits to tromp through the woods. They encounter a villager who withheld taxes from the King, and is about to be executed by some of the King's goons. It's clobbering time!
Separated from the others, Sarah has to fight the Level Boss, a gruff Orc, to reach the next level. Do you think she is successful?
The other ladies join her. She kicks herself over not trying to help Jake before. (Yeah, if people are often trapped in video games, that's the first place I would look).
They have to fight the Level Boss, an Australian "G'day, ladies" bloke.
Level 4: Walking through woods for a long time. Well, even the Fellowship of the Ring did a lot of walking. They come to some tents covered with cellophane (the special effects aren't great), deserted except for a Crone, who reveals that Jake is not a prisoner (the King's boyfriend, then?)
This level's Boss Fight consists of three crones who make swimming motions with their arms and shriek
Final Level: They approach the War Camp, passing a guard wearing a social distancing mask. This is a Medieval world,but everyone has guns
They find Jake (Brandon Root, second photo),but he doesn't remember them, and he is evil now. This world hasgiven him everytning he's ever wanted: "Power, recognition, infamy." He's the King's second in command (and boyfriend?)
He locks them in barbed wire, planning to brainwash them, like he did Jake. But an ally, an elderly, crazy-as-a-loon woman, helps them escape.
They fight the guards and minions, who no longer have guns, and the King does that slow-hand-clap thing
Some platitudes about the importance of family melt Jake's heart. and he starts to remember his old life, when he and the girls were best friends. They all hug.
They still have to defeat the Superboss/King,so there's another fight, with "Now you will pay for your insolence!" blathering. I suppose he does live in a cheesy video game, so cheesy dialogue is to be expected.
After the King's defeat, a portal opens up, and the gang leaves. Not to worry, the elderly, crazy-as-a-loon lady who helped them escape stays behind to rule the video game. Does she..er...have any political experience?
The girls return to the video arcade, but not Jake. They look around for him, and find the teenage version of Jake and The King ("I couldn't leave him there.")The King -- Martin (Austin Skaggs) -- apologizes for trying to kill them: "Spending half your life in a video game does serious damage to your psyche!" Dude, you've killed countless people during your decade-long reign of terror. Will a "sorry" be enough?
Jake and Martin are teenagers again, but with ten years of memories intact . They've been together for most of that time, and they're going to stay together. Obviously a gay couple, but without all that evil stuff.
Their parents will be rather surprised,but...
There's a fade out kiss, between Chrissy and Rae. I didn't notice the romance there.
This was a very bad movie, no sets except for some platforms in the woods, overwrought acting, plot holes for days, no beefcake, lots of girl boobs. But there was not even a hint of heterosexual interest expressed by anyone, and it ended with two gay couples.
I loved it.
Interestingly, the writer, Daniel Lusko, is a fundamentalist Christian whose other works are about Christians being persecuted by liberals. This was obviously not what he intended.
My grade: A.
Now I'm thinking of other works to use this trope. Yeah, they're all bad.
ReplyDeleteRancala? Did they just look at their board game stash to come up with that?
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