When Bob told me that he ordered Hustlers for movie night. I thought, Oh, boy, male hustlers. Lots of muscular bodies and same-sex hookups.
Nope.
A dressing room full of overly made-up ladies. They'd better be drag queens.
Nope. They're strippers.
Boobs and butts and boobs and butts filling the screen, gyrating in front of your face. I cry out and turn away. I always made fun of straight guys for being queasy around penises, but I'm actually feeling queasy. I look down at my cell phone screen.
After a few minutes, I look up. Thankfully, the ladies are fully clothed. Nope -- they're back! Boobs and butts and boobs and butts! I look down at my cell phone again.
"Um...Bob? Why did you want to see a movie about lady parts?" I ask. "Is this your way of coming out as bisexual?"
"It got good reviews. A lot of feminists are praising it."
Ok, well, I'll look up.
Boobs and butts and boobs and butts!
Back to my cell phone. I spend the movie going through the entire cast list on IMDB, looking for some beefcake. I don't know who they play.
1. Alex Breux (top photo)
2. Brandon Kenner
The plot, as far as I understand it: Dorothy (Constance Wu) becomes a stripper to help her sick grandmother (aww....), and befriends veteran stripper Ramona (Jennifer Lopez). Their customers consist entirely of extremely wealthy, morally bankrupt, "I'll pay you $100 for a blow job" capitalists.
$100 for a blow job! I'll do it for the price of a soda. Heck, I'll do it for free.
3. John Palladino
The salary and tips are enough for them to buy houses and cars in New York City. If I didn't know that this was based on a true story -- an article in New York Magazine -- I'd think it was preposterous.
4. Tommy Beardmore
After the stock market crash of 2007, the stripper market tanks, so Dorothy and Ramona decide on a more blatant hustle. They slip rich guys a mickey (Ecstasy and Ketamine), and while they are dazed, max out their credit cards. If they complain later, the girls say "You were having fun. New York is expensive." Besides, who's going to call the police and complain "Some strippers overcharged me"?
They get a whole crew, including two familiar faces: Keke Palmer, star of True Jackson VP (2008-2011) , and Lili Reinhart, who plays Betty Cooper on Riverdale.
Familiar faces, and now familiar boobs and butts.
5. Gerald Gillum
Eventually a client does call the police: a guy who had been trying to forget his financial and familly crises with a night on the town, and now can't even pay his mortgage. So they are all arrested, and get various light sentences and an interview in New York Magazine.
6. Leonys Delossantos
Gay Characters: I expected some lesbians, but the strippers appear to be all straight. The journalist who interviwes them may be gay -- she's shown at an all-female party.
Beefcake: All of the clients are dressed in business suits as the strippers' boobs and butts gyrate atop them. Except one: a guy jumps off the balcony naked, and they load him into a car and take him to the hospital. Some body shots, including a blink-and-you-miss-it penis.
7. Usher.
Bob: Well, that was good. Excellent acting, and it kept my interest to the end. What do you want to watch now?
Me: Bodybuilders! Wrestlers! Men's butts! Cocks and balls and cocks and balls!
I tried watching this because I had read the praised for Jennifer Lopez performance who some people thought was Oscar worthy. JLo still looks good and has the dancers move- ( well some people say she used a body double for some of the pole shots) but I found her dance number vulgar. I guess I'm no the target audience. It's weird that a movie that is suppose to be about female empowerment shows the women in such degrading fashion? I'm still waiting for "Magic Mike 3- in 3-D"- Now that I would pay to see ;)
ReplyDeleteI didn't notice any dancing. I thought it was all close-up shots of your butt upside down on a pole. But then, I was looking away for most of the movie.
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