Dec 31, 2023

Kitz: Beefcake, Gay Characters, Glitz, Revenge, and the Austrian Alps. Happy New Year.


 Kitz
sounds like yet another teen drama with a Netflix-patented single-syllable title and a lot of lies, secrets, and silence.  Nothing wrong with that.  It's set in Germany, so there might be some nice scenery.  And naked guys -- some beefcake would be a blessing after several nights of incessant girl-boobs and butts on The Witcher.  

Scene 1: Narrating, Lisa tells us that. Kitzbuhel is the "Aspen of the Alps."  Funny, I always thought that Aspen was the St. Moritz of Colorado.   It's actually in Austria, about 120 km south of Munich.  Every winter the glitterati show up to ski, spend money, and look down on the locals.  Until Lisi decides to get revenge.

Cut to her brother, driving erratically on a snowy mountain road at night, talking on his cell phone about how his rich girlfriend dumped him: "She was just toying on me."  He accidentally skids off the road and over a cliff.  Lisi blames the girlfriend for his death.  Girlfriend, he was driving like an idiot.  Definitely not her fault. You're allowed to break up with people. 

Scene 2: New Year's Eve. Lisi waiting tables and breaking up arguments.  She watches a video of a social influencer selling skin products on the way to the "biggest party of the year" in Kitz.  Her coworker suggests that they go to London after the epic party.  A little lesbian vibe.  Is Lisi gay?).

Scene 3:  Hot guy Hans (Ben Felipe, top photo) in underwear quickly getting dressed.  His hookup, also in underwear -- big basket! -- wants to know why he's leaving so soon.  When they'll get around to exchanging names -- after all, they've hooked up three times!  And what he does for a living -- farmer?  Hans seems to be closeted. 


Scene 4:
Lisi putting flowers on the spot where her brother died.   Flashback to them playing foosball at a party.  They announce that she's received a scholarship to study in London.  Brother Jo (Felix Mayr, left) gets a text and leaves.  

Back to the memorial spot.  Closeted Hans arrives.  They're both sad because this is the first anniversary of Brother Jo's death.  Hans is having second thoughts about their plan, but Lisi insists that they have to go through with it.

Scene 5:  Liisi arrives at the elegant chateau where she will be catering the "epic party" -- and where their plan will unfold.  Whew -- there's a naked black guy frolicking in the snow! Nice butt.



He's Dominick (Bless Amada, left), an internet celebrity and the boyfriend of the Social Influencer.  He must post videos of him doing goofy things with his shirt off.

Scene 6:  In the kitchen, the head caterer is instructing the staff.  Lisi gets the job of taking champaign to the Social Influencer's room.  She looks around, at all the photos of Pure Evil unfairly continuing to be alive after causing her brother's death!  Dude, it was a breakup.  People break up with people all the time. 

While standing on the balcony, she sees someone below, scurrying behind a bush. This better be important later.

More after the break


The Influencer's friend arrives and arrogantly orders Lisi out.  Lisi fumes: "What a bitch!"  Getting annoyed because you are snooping around in her room?.

Scene 7:  Hans' Trick on his way to the party.  He asks someone named Wirsing to be his Plus One.  

The multitudinous guests arrive, to sip champaign, talk about money, and ignore the servers. The cads!  Dominick starts a conversation with Lisi, but Hans' Trick -- Kosh -- interrupts them.  He says that Wirsing is bringing some drugs for them. Dominick gets upset -- "You can't invite HIM!  What if the Influencer sees him?" The drama -- it burns!

The Influencer makes a grand entrance, and gives a speech about how great it is to be back.  "Choose your weapons, and escape from reality."  I thought that this was the reality of the rich and famous?

Hans' Trick  -- Kosh tries to greet her as a close friend, but she blows him off: "Oh...um...of course I remember you.  We knew each other way, way back in the old days"  Dominick consoles him.


There's no Kosh in the cast list, so he could be Ferdinand (Steffen Wink) or Basto (Alexander Gaida).

Sorry, none of these people have nude photos online, just fully clothed ,jfifs that I have to convert to .jpgs, and Chrome doesn't allow you to take screenshots from Netflix.  But believe me, the beefcake is stunning.

Flashback to the night of Brother Jo's death.  Lisi and Hans beg him to not drive to see her.  The roads are icy, it's snowing, he's been drinking....call him an uber, for heaven sake.  

Scene 8: Back to the party.  Fireworks, dancing, Lisi fuming with rage. Cut to Kosh in the bedroom, getting high with the forbidden Wirsing (Laurenz Winkelhofer).  Dominick bursts in and orders him out.

After he leaves, Dominick apologizes to Kosh for not keeping in contact during the last year: "Things have been chaotic."  

Scene 9: Lisi hiding in the bedroom when the Influencer's friend Pippa comes in to insult a guy on the phone while he masturbates.  Pippa discovers her and fires her.  On her way out, Lisi locks the door.  Uh-oh, is she planning to blow up the place?

Back at the party, Lisi grabs a tray of drinks and "accidentally" spills them on the Influencer, so she'll have to go up to her room and change.   Lisi follows to "apologize."

Suddenly a masked man pulls them both into the room and brandishes a gun.  This must be part of the plan. Lisi takes charge, comforts the Influencer, and tells the masked man that she's already called the cops.  He rushes away.  

Scene 10: The cops taking statements.  They know Lisi.  Flashback to the same cops telling her about Brother Jo's accident.

The Influencer thanks Lisi for saving her life, and asks her to join her clique.  

The party is still going on, except it's more like an orgy now.  The cops aren't interviewing everyone to see if they know anything?  Or if one of them is the gunman?  The Influencer asks Lisi to brunch tomorrow.  She smiles...her plan is coming to fruition.  Destroy them all from within?

Scene 11: On her way out, Lisi runs into Dominick sitting by himself by the pool. He protests that, just because he's rich, doesn't mean he's a jerk.  Some rich people are nice.  Oh no, how can she destroy him now?

Hans picks Lisi up.  She congratulates herself on how well the plan worked.  Sure, Hans is the one who took all the risks.

Back home, she goes down to the basement where Jo was making a set of skiis, and narrates some stuff about grief. It's your fault for letting him drive drunk.  Leave the poor Influence alone.

Beefcake:  Lots.

Scenery: Just mountains.  We never get to see the town itself.

Gay Characters: Hans and Kosh.  Maybe Dominick, although I think he's destined to fall in love with Lisi.

Plot Twists:  Several are set up.  Hans and Kosh.  The blow out between Kosh and the Influencer.  Dominick being dissatisfied as the Influencer's arm candy.   And of course Lisi's revenge plan.

My Grade: A-

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