Love, Victor, on Hulu, is apparently a tv adaption of the movie Love, Simon, about a high school boy who comes out and kisses his boyfriend on a ferris wheel. So why isn't it called Love, Simon: the Series? We'll find out.
Scene 1: Victor (Michael Cimino, left) in his room. He's just moved; boxes of stuff are yet to be unpacked. Including a cartoon of Texas. Could he be living in ...ugh...Texas? He writes to Simon back home "Dear Simon, you don't know me, but my family just moved to Atlanta." Ok, they escaped from Texas. Whew! Why are you texting someone you don't know, and writing as if it was an old fashioned letter?
Apparently Simon is famous at his old school for coming out, and Victor is texting him to say "Screw you!" He came to perfect parents and supportive friends. Some of us don't have it that easy. Coming out in Atlanta is harder than in ugh..Texas? Victor thought that by moving to a new school, he could finally be himself. Nope.
Scene 2: 24 Hours Earlier: The family pulls up to an apartment complex, where Dad has a job managing wiring or something. Teenage Pilar is upset at being forced to move 1,000 miles from the only man she will ever love; she tells Victor "If you had a girlfriend, you'd understand." So he's not out to the family yet.
Upstairs neighbor Felix (Anthony Turpel, left) introduces himself. They'll be going to the same high school, Victor as a junior and Pilar as a freshman (she met the love of her life at age 14? How is she even dating? Didn't Reba yell at her teenage daughter for just talking to a boy?).
Scene 3: They investigate their new apartment. Victor flashes back to his life in Texas. "It wasn't so bad...There was just no room to be different." In the cafeteria, the guys call a boy "a girl" because he's eating a salad. Nothing green for real men! If you didn't hunt it down and kill it yourself, throw it away!
"And if you were different, it was easier to pretend that you weren't." Cut to church, where a swishy hairdresser rejects the offer of a date with a woman. Hey, he said no. What else did you want him to do? Dad thinks he's a little (limp-wrist gesture), but Mom shuts him down. "Don't say nasty things about people!" Ok, Mom and Dad are quite homophobic.
Scene 4: Morning. While the family is installing their crucifixes (over the stove!), Felix arrives to walk Victor to school. He envies Victor for being the new kid, since the rest of them had their destinies written in stone years ago: one mishap in grade school pegs you for life.
Scene 5: Inside the school, the Vice Principal (never the principal) shoos Felix off. She interrogates Victor on whether he's made any friends yet (um...it's his first day). Well, he'll make some tonight at the Winter Carnival, where love is always in the air. In Atlanta, January weather hovers around the 40s, so they would be wearing coats, not dressed for the beach. And who has a carnival on the first day of class? You need students to set things up.
She continues: several years ago, a boy named Simon made a gesture of true love at the Winter Carnival that got him a standing ovation from the whole school. Wait -- I thought that Simon was from Victor's old school in Texas, and Victor already knew him. He was texting him in Scene 1! I'm lost.
Victor is thrilled that it's ok to be gay in Atlanta. Which will be helpful, if he decides that he's gay. He isn't sure yet. Please, it's obvious. You like guys? You're gay. You like girls? You're straight. You like both? You're bi.
Scene 6: When the Vice Principal wanders off, Victor is ambushed by a girl named Lake, who films him for her podcast and interrogates him on his dets, like is he "cuffed": "do you have a girlfriend?" I guess heteronormativity, the belief that gay people do not exist, is still rampant in Atlanta. Her friend Mia appears and starts flirting with Victor, so Lake gets a clue and vanishes.
As Mia walks away, Felix re-appears (are they on a schedule?) and congratulates Victor for acquiring the attention of "the hottest girl in school." Boys who can think of nothing but girls. Is this a 1980s teen-nerd comedy?
Scene 7: As Felix prattles on, Victor gazes with jaw-dropping, eye-bulging, time-slowing "love at first sight" ecstasy at a boy walking in slow motion, his hair blowing in the wind. Yep, all of the cliches transferred from 1980s teen nerd comedy Girl-of-His-Dreams to 2022 streaming comedy Boy-of-His-Dreams. Oblivious, Felix introduces him: "My friend Benji (George Sear)"
When he leaves, Felix cautions: "Benji's gay, so you have to be careful around him. You don't want people thinking...you know." Whoa, that's homophobic. Not the gay-friendly paradise you thought, huh?
Scene 8: In the locker room, some shirtless muscle hunks are talking. "Dude, you just got to second base with her. That makes you gay!" "Yeah, it's the same thing as having sex with a dude." So it's not enough to kiss, or fondle a girl's breasts. You have to do intercourse on every date, or you're not actually attracted to women? That's messed up.
Muscle hunk Andrew (Mason Gooding) approaches Victor and asks "You like what you see. Just kidding, I know you're not gay." Because he's not wearing a dress? Maybe he took it off for gym class.
Victor is good at basketball, so the coach wants him to join the team. But joining costs $500. Huh? They charge you to play a sport? Victor is shocked, too, plus he can't afford $500.
Scene 9: At lunch, Victor notices all the evidence of amassed wealth among the students: Gucci bags, fancy watches, sushi. He meets with his sister Pilar, who hates the school: two mean girls kept criticizing her hair and clothes. Mia, dropping by to flirt, tells her to not worry about it, but she says something about how great Texas is, and stomps off.
Whoops, muscle hunk Andrew started a GoFundMe to raise the money for Victor to join the team. Humiliated, he rushes over and starts yelling. Andrew doesn't get it. They argue; they almost fight. Benji the Gay Kid tries to come to the rescue, but Victor shrugs him off -- can't let anyone think that he's...you know.
Scene 10: Best friend Felix tells Victor that the podcast now contains a video of the near-fight, with the caption "New kid has a short fuse." He suggests damage control by being cool-headed at the Winter Carnival tonight. "So what time should I pick you up?" Victor blows his top: "I don't want to go to the Winter Carnival with you. We're not friends." He stomps off. Jerk! He's been nothing but nice to you.
Scene 11: Back home, Mom and Dad are arguing. "Don't tell me to calm down! I knew something like this would happen!" It seems that earlier today, Pilar pushed a girl into a wall, and got sent down for fighting. Dad thinks that she was justified, since the girls kept calling her "terrible names." Mom disagrees. Victor wisely keeps mum about his near-fight.
Mom tells Victor that he's such a good boy. She never has to worry that he'll do anything wrong, or disgrace the family in any way. Ulp -- Victor knows what that means! Be straight!
Scene 12: Victor goes to his room, looks up Simon online, and starts the Scene 1 texting. Ok, an explanation. Simon was at the new school, in Atlanta, so Victor just heard about him today. Why mix up the chronology, just to confuse viewers? He then calls Felix to apologize and accept his invitation to the Winter Carnival.
Scene 13: At the carnival. While Felix is off getting churros and cider, Victor gets a text: Simon wrote back. "Coming out is hard, even with liberal parents..." (Victor's family shows up at the carnival). "But you'll find supportive friends." (There's Felix with the churros.) "And maybe even the One Person who will change your life forever." (There's Benji!) "You deserve a great story, Victor." Joel and the Bots: "Well, this ain't it."
Inspired, he approaches Benji with ferris-wheel tickets, but changes his mind at the last minute and asks Mia, instead. Boo!
Beefcake: Some cute boys, but no muscle. Even the "muscle hunks" are rather skinny. They play basketball, not football.
Gay Characters: Benji, of course. Victor doesn't figure out that he's gay until the end of the first season, after dating Mia for awhile, which is silly. You don't need to try sex with girls to figure out you're not into it. It's not Brussels sprouts.
Homophobia: I know it's there to provide conflict and make Victor's coming-out process more interesting, but I still found it disturbing. Also, it makes no sense a few years after Simon's triumphant ferris-wheel kiss.
Felix: What was he doing before Victor arrived? Waiting around for an instant best friend?
Standing in Line: Person A shows up, says things, and leaves. Person B shows up, says things, and leaves. Person C shows up, says things, and leaves. Person A returns and says more things. Annoyingly contrived.
My Grade: C
" Love Simon" the movie was cute
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