"All My Friends Hate Me": And the guys are gay. Just kidding: they're homophobic. Just kidding...

 

All My Friends Hate Me, on Hulu, tells us that a guy has a reunion with his friends, but they act strange, then bizarre, then surreal.  Interesting premise.  Unfortunately, I can't research it, because the only movie with that title that Google knows about is Polish, and this is in English.  So I'll just have to muddle through.

Scene 1:  Early 30s bearded guy (Tom Stourton, top photo) riding in his car, bobbing his head and singing along with the music.  I already dislike him.  Switch to him getting ready for bed (no beefcake), telling his wife/girlfriend that one of his old friends has a wife named Fig.  Heterosexual identity established in the first beat!   We cut between singing and bobbing in the car and explaining to girlfriend/wife who all is going to be at this reunion party: Archie, his wife Fig, George -- and Claire, which makes girlfriend/wife jealous.

Scene 2: In the quaint English countryside, he stops to urinate behind a bush, and sees that a car has crashed through a fence.  When he investigates, a zombie jumps out and chases him!   I figured it would be one of his friends playing a prank, but no, he jumps into his car and drives on for miles and miles.

He stops to ask an old guy directions to Cleve Hill Manor, where the party is being held: "Do you know where it is?" "Yes."  "Can you tell me where it is?" "Yes." Annoying literalist!  Plot dump: it's his birthday.  So he's having a birthday party with friends he knew back in the day, not his current friends, and not his girlfriend/wife?  Bizarre! 

Scene 3: He arrives at the posh manor.   It's deserted, but at least we get a grand tour as he looks around.  Super-posh, gorgeous library!  He waits for hours, drinking beer, watching tv, wrapping himself in blankets as it gets colder (I'd be going through that library for the rest of the night).  

Finally, late at night, his friend Archie (Graham Dickson, left) arrives, and is shocked: "What are you doing here?" Finally we get his name: Pete.  "That party invitation was a joke. You knew that, right?"  

Psych -- it wasn't a joke. Archie and Claire rush over and hug and kiss him. A kiss?  Now I'm interested.    Then George (Joshua McGuire, bottom photo) and Fig, who rub his new beard.  Two heterosexual couples, and Pete left his wife/girlfriend at home?

Next Harry (Dustin Demri-Burns, below), a guy Pete doesn't know, bursts in and pretends to have oral sex with a goose's beak.  Ugh!  He calls Pete a "fannny" (women's sex organ),  hugs him, and says "Birthday boy needs a stripper."  He grinds his butt into Pete's crotch, but recoils in homophobic disgust when he feels something hard (just a cell phone).  

Ok, these people are not only hetero-horny, but actively homophobic.  I'm out.  I'll just go through on fast-forward to see if there's any beefcake or obvious subtexts. 

Minute 17:  Peter is in the bathtub (bare shoulders only) when Harry comes in wearing only a towel (nice chest and brief cock shot).  He recoils in homophobic horror, but  Harry just wants to shave.  

Minute 35: Peter is lying in bed, when Harry bursts into his room (nice chest) to use his bathroom and steal his pills.  He curls up on a day bed and begins to snore.

Minute 39: Pete awakens in the morning and goes down to the library, where Archie is staring into space, shirtless (a little skinny), being depressed.

Minute 54: Archie appears to be trying to seduce Pete: he pushes their bodies together, hugs him, and says "You're not leaving until you get some of this."  Pete protests: "I haven't done that since Uni."  But Archie insists.  It's not sex, it's karaoke!

Minute 69: Archie and Pete sitting the bed, hugging and discussing their anxieties.  Pete's in therapy, and doing much better.  They discuss Harry's bizarre behavior: switching his pills, barking like a dog, wearing a plastic bag over his head, and parading a "fake Pete" around.  But nothing romantic happens.

Minute 121: The reason for Harry's bizarre behavior surfaces. 

Spoiler alert: When he was 15, Pete and another guy used to torture a mentally-disabled neighbor girl. She was terrified of dogs, so they would call her on the phone and bark.  One day she killed herself.  Her brother blamed Pete, and years, later, looked up his friends and got invited to othe party. So there are reasons for the bizarre behavior.

Wait -- Harry is not the brother after all. He's a friend from Uni.  The barking, shower cap, and photo of a girl on his phone are all coincidences!

Beefcake: Quite a lot.

Heterosexism: Everyone is divided into boy-girl couples.

Homophobia:  I don't understand these people, engaging in patently homoerotic behavior, then backing off and saying "Just kidding!  I'm actually homophobic."