Mar 19, 2023

Lankybox: AKA Roblox Ultmate Mishmash. Confused Yet?


Hulu is trying to sell me on "Lankybox: AKA Roblox superstars Justin and Adam star in a new edition of Lankybox Ultimate Mishmash."  I have no idea what most of those words mean, but the promo shows two over-emotional teenage boys surrounded by animated toaster beings.  Apparently they recorded each other playing a video game called Roblox: Adopt me! Plus! and called it a tv series. 

I feel like I'm a linguist trying to decipher an unknown language.  On closer examination, it appears that the video game is called just Roblox: Adopt Me.  Among the game's activities are the Noob vs. Pro vs. Hacker challenge, the Last to Say No Challenge, the Buy Everything My Friend Touches challenge, and the Lost Memory Challenge.

The "plus" refers to other events in the episode: they play Roblox: Fashion Famous, Among Us, and Minecraft. 

Ordinarily I would give it a hard pass -- what's the fun in watching someone else play a game?  But in the promos the two look over-the-top flamboyant, and their created world is full of pastels and rainbows and pink unicorns.  They have got to be gay.  So I'll look at -- and try to decipher -- the episode 

It consists of six scenes, bookended by a tv-being with a bandage on its head announcing that "you've just watched the Lankybox Roblox Ultimate Mishmash."  And then "It's time for more Lankybox Roblox Ultimate Mishmash." In case you are confused about what you are watching, which I am.

Scene 1: Adam and Justin (who has pink hair and is wearing a furry costume) discuss how to create cool backgrounds on Zoom.  Justin makes one with a gyrating, pink-haired "friend." Adam makes one of a salad, which he pretends to eat.  

Scene 2: They begin playing Roblex by creating avatars of themselves with tiny tv people on their shoulders.  They enter a virtual classroom.  A third person enters, so he can be the teacher.  More people enter.  This is very hard to watch, since action is occuring in the virtual classroom and both the zoom rooms simultaneously, with each avatar having tiny texts over their heads saying "Newborn" or "In Family," plus their names, and people in chatrooms saying "Merry Christmas" and "Penguin" over and over,  But I think they are playing school, with the "teacher" asking them to spell words like "carrot." 

Scene 3: Now they are alone in the classroom, with a giant chicken playing the teacher.  More spelling lesson: Correct this sentence: "I luv chicken."  Adam: "I love salad."  Wrong.  Justin: "I love chicken, not stinky salads." Right.

Scene 4: They try to build a home gym in their virtual world, but it doesn't sell gym equipment, so they improvise, "curling" with toy elephants and unicorns.  In the zoom room, Justin "curls" chicken nuggets and macaroni.  They go out into the virtual world and interact with dozens of other players, each with name tags and sentences zooming over their heads.  If this is trying to make me interested in playing the game for real, it is failing.

Scene 5: The guys are together, not in a zoom room. In the virtual world, they test cars to see which is the fastest.  Then they climb into a real-life car, but instead of driving, they continue to play the game.

Scene 6: The guys in a real life room. Justin announces that he's going to unveil a Lanky Rara, while Adam squeals in delight. It's a toy car that toddlers can pretend to drive.  Are they trying to sell this product?

Scene 7: They return to the virtual world to buy their car.  The end, I think.

What did I just watch?  And why?  Oh, right, to see if the guys are gay.

They are:

1. Justin Kroma (real name Justin Leon Xu), 29 years old -- huh?  He acts about 12!  No gay/straight information is given on the LankyBox Wiki.  Huh?  There's a Lankybox Wiki?   Except that he's single.

2. Adam McArthur, 26 years old!   According to the Lankybox Wiki, he has an ex-girlfriend and a kid, so he's straight, just way flamboyant.  

Wikiwatt has a photo of the two coming out, but it's apparently fake.

The website SDLGBTN has an article called "Examining the Evidence that Adam is Gay," but it's just clickbait, giving you basic background information about the guys' youtube channel.  

Like it has 200 million subscribers!  I can't imagine why.  Remember when a tv series took the combined efforts of writers, actors, directors, technical crew, producers, and advertisers, not just two guys with a laptop?  I think I'll trot over to the Good Old Days Channel for some episodes of I Love Lucy.

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