NYSocBoy's Beefcake and Bonding: "Honest Men": South Africa-teasing, adult video-teasing, claustrophobic, confusing...but at least there are a lot of gay guys.

Link to the n*de dudes

Honest Men on Prime Video has a shirtless hunk on the icon and the promo: "Unraveling family dynamics, Honest Men follows Colby's return home after his father....(probably his father's death: somebody is always returning home after the death of somebody). The cast member names sound African (King David, Donta Hemsley, Tripp Ali), so it's probably set in South Africa, and we'll get some interesting citscapes of Johannesburg or Cape Town.

Scene 1: Closeup of a man's back. So far so good. Suburb at night, then Colby (King David) addresses the camera, talking about his friend named Andre when he was a kid, who had a violent, abusive father but nevertless was "s*xy as hell." While he speaks, the violent, abusive father disrobes behind him and steps into the shower. Colby: "Don't judge me for what I'm about to do. I was only 17." He starts..um...you know...while watching. Hey, a gay character! I guess he meant that the violent dad was s*xy as hell."

King David is very hard to research. Even if you specify "King David" and "actor," you just get the many, many actors who have played the Biblical king: Russell Crowe, Daniel Craig, Clive Owen, Christian Bale, Michael Fassbender

Scene 2: 4 years later: Closeup of Colby's hands as he opens the door, puts his keys on the counter. This is very tight, claustrophobic. Very tight, very claustrophobic. I'm thinking we're not going to see Constitution Hill in Johannesburg or the Castle of Good Hope in Cape Town.

A lengthy scene of the guy changing clothes, with very tight closeups of part of his eye and his neck. Then a backside shot but no front.

After watching the scene several times, just to make sure that I'm being accurate, har har, I conclude that the guy we're watching is not Colby, but Mark, the Abusive Father (Donta Hensley).

More partial body bait and switch -- you think it's more Abusive Mark, but it's actually Colby as he checks his messages: Wait -- who has an answering machine in their house anymore? This must be Dad's apartment.

#1: Funeral home guy complementing him on his coffin choice: "Rest in peace with our great prices." Har har

#2: Mark the Abusive Father. He was doing some work on Colby's Dad's fridge, and wants to stop by Saturday night to finish the job. Saturday night? Really? Sounds like there's more than one job you want to finish.

Scene 3: Semi-body part closeups as Colby answers the door. It's Mark the Abusive Father, dressed like a refrigerator repair guy in a movie. He suggests that Colby is taking his death hard, but no, "He stopped existing long before he died." Some people like staying home, dude. They got their books, their music, their Grindr hookups....

Mark remembers at Colby and Andre's graduation, Colby stood up and yelled some stuff about his Dad, who never forgave him. "Well, I hated him."

"That's weird -- my son Andre loved him." Well, you were abusive, buddy.

Mark confesses that he hated his son, too: the kid came into the world and ruined his life when he was 14 years old. "But I changed." "Too bad my dad didn't." Got it, Andre and Colby, both with abusive dads and hate all the way down.

Hey, these guys both have American accents. I'm starting to think that the South African names are just a tease

Scene 4: A young man in his underwear, feeling himself, talking to himself about how "she" is going to be so impressed tonight that he'll get him some.

Text from his mom: Tell your Dad about the graduation party. This must a flashback to the night of the graduation, where Colby yelled some stuff and Dad never forgave him. Ergo the feeling-himself guy is Abusive Mark's son Andre.

Andre texts Dad, or rather a tight closeup of his Dad's various body parts, but instead of the grad party, it's "Submit J's grad fees before Friday." Dad's body parts groan, hating his kid. Wait -- Andre does not appear in this episode, and he's not named J. This must be JTT (Tripp Ali). A third kid with an abusive dad?

More after the break

Scene 5: Meanwhile, I guess, Mark is working on the refrigerator in Colby's Dad's apartment. He's having trouble with a part, and calls Colby for help. "Just grab this part right here and squeeze it, yo." He actually says this. He takes his shirt off and bends over, as Colby watches and gets turned on. Closeup of his zipper, then Mark's feet for some reason. This is an adult video with no d*cks.

They discuss Mark's wife, who left him due to the abuse, and how Colby being an "open atheist" has alienated his family. Way to get out of the mood.

Then: the terrible things happening at Colby's house were hidden from the rest of the neighborhood, but for Mark's house, "it was like Wrestlemania. How did you never do time?"

"I'm serving it every day," Mark tells him. Colby steals his rag.

Scene 6: Abusive Mark sets up an old VHS machine (or rather, his hands do), and puts in an old gay video entitled "Sporting Wood." His male companion enters (back shot) and starts doing stuff Then he's bouncing around atop Mark, who is trying to watch the video. Back, part of face, lips, ear shots.

Cut to Colby sniffing Mark's rag. I think this might be Colby's fantasy. The end.

Beefcake: A lot of backside shots. The only d*ck shot I could find was from Gary Lavard, who plays Abusive Mark's son Andre.

Characters: Only three people are in the Episode 1 cast list, so JTT's father must be Mark, but Mark's son is Andre, played by someone else. I'm completely confused. And the hand-held "close up of random body parts" cinematography doesn't help.

But at least there are a lot of gay guys.

My Grade: C