Link to the n*de dudes
I clicked The Lowdown, on Hulu, by accident, thinking it was about closeted gay guys (nope, that's Downlow). But it turns out that there's a dead closeted gay guy.
Scene 1: An ugly guy (Tim Blake Nelson) in an isolated mansion writes some instructions, including "Trust no one," hides the paper in one of his Western novels, and we hear a gun go off and see blood splattering. Did he commit s*cide, or was he murdered?
Tim Blake Nelson (left) had a frontal scene in Good Girl (2002) (on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends)
Cut to the crotch and cowboy boots, and finally the face of an even uglier guy as he strides down a street in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Ugh, that's the state where schoolkids are required to learn creationism instead of evolution, and it's illegal to fly pride flags.
The background music is "Don't take her for granted, she's had a rough time: she's the sensitive kind," which is the title of the episode. Ugly Guy gets into a van marked with "You're doing it wrong" and drives into the countryside.
The radio tells us the back story: Dale, from the extremely influential Washberg family, died just after a magazine article revealed his family's corrupt past: they stole land from the Indians. Was he respondng to the slander? Also, his older brother (Kyle McLaughlin), a far right winger, is running for Governor on a "We haven't stolen enough land from the Indians" platform.
Scene 2: Ugly Guy arrives at a mansion, probably Dead Guy Dale's, and criticizes the lady at the desk for not knowing enough about the painting of a n*de lady behind her. "It's a ___! It belongs in a museum!" Give her a break, Ugly Guy. Maybe she's not into ladies. We get a close-up of it; I guess the director expects everyone on the planet to be into n*de ladies.
"Or you could steal it and sell it to me for a thousand dollars."
Hey, Ugly Guy is played by Ethan Hawke, who was actually goodlooking back in the day. The years have not been kind. Maybe the cragginess and villain-stache is due to makeup, and the wide-eyed serial killer look due to acting?
There's a shot of Ethan n*De on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends. At least Google Images says that he's Ethan, but he looks more like Kyle McLaughlin, who plays the evil gubernatorial candidate.
Scene 3: Ugly Guy is escorted into a board room with two cowboys, a guy in a janitor's outfit, and a girl. He orders a steak and a beer. I can't tell if he's joking or not. Ugly Guy introduces himself as a "truthstorian": "I drive around and find stuff, and then I write about stuff." So you're an investigative journalist?
Cut to Ugly Guy driving his van and telling somone about the team: Cowboy Laughing Bob (Hunter Sullivan), Janitor Big John (Troy Powell), Kathy (his favorite, for obvious reasons), and Evil Allen (Scott Shepherd). None of the men have n*de photos online.
Flashback to what really happened: Wait -- I thought these were Ugly Guy's team investigating the death of Dead Guy Dale. No, a flashback reveals that they're the board of directors of an evil corporation. In addition to journalism, Ugly Guy is an antique book dealer. He wanted to buy a church pamphlet signed by Dr. Martin Luther King, that they confiscated when they were buying up Black-owned businesses in North Tulsa.
"Wait -- why are you buying Black-owned businesses? Are you trying to create a monopoly, so you can charge struggling Black families more for the products you sell?"
"You have big b*lls, Ugly Guy," Janitor exclaims. "This meeting is over. You didn't think you were going to get that pamphlet, did you? C*cksucker." Well, he's racist. Of course he's homophobic, too.
Psych! This was just a distraction so the lady at the desk could steal the n*de-lady painting and sell it to Ugly Guy for a ton of money. But why did he show up in the first place? And what does this have to do with Dale's death?
Scene 4: Through a terribly impoverished neighborhood to the Heartland Press, an alternative newspaper (that they call a magazine) where Editor Elijah (Zachary Booth) is holding a staff meeting, complaining about too many pitches about Woody Guthrie.
Zachary Booth is gay in real life. D*ck shot on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.
Back story: Ugly Guy is the one who wrote the article about the corruption in the Washberg family. He wants to do a follow-up story about the evil gubernatorial candidate, but Editor Elijah says no, the family is blaming him for Dale's death, and they could get the magazine shut down.
Scene 5: Night. A drunken Ugly Guy gets criticized by the lady at Sweet Emily's, a greasy spoon, because his articles haven't created any lasting social change. "Racists and ranchers, big deal."
He is joined by an old guy, who tells him: "Our sweetest songs are often the saddest to tell -- Shelley." Actually, he's paraphrasing "Our sweetest songs are those that tell of saddest thought," from "To a Skylark" (1780). They discuss Dead Guy Dale and Sweet Emily chimes in that he had lots of secrets: "Hidden tunnels, stolen art, kinky stuff."
Old Guy: "You're missing something. Waffles and coffee you can get at home. Something else bring people to Sweet Emily's at this hour. Look around."
So, is this greasy spoon a front for meth smuggling? A secret gay bar? Nope, Old Guy just means that the patrons are suffering from existential longing. I thought there'd be a clue about Dale's death. Instead we get "The Myth of Sisyphus"?
More after the break
Ugly Guy leaves, gives a sandwich to a homeless person, and talks to some of the store owners on the block. Abel (Josh Fadem, looking nicer than this) complains that there were two men waiting for him earlier. He asked them to leave - no loitering.
Scene 6: Ugly Guy stops into his bookstore, Hoot Owl Books. Everything looks fine. Then upstairs to his apartment full of research for the article on corruption in Dale's family.
Uh-oh, two intruders! The twink tries ineptly to punch, and the bear presses a lit cigar to his neck. They're angry because the Ugly Guy called Bear a skinhead in an article.
"But you burned down a synagogue." Tulsa has two, a Reform and an Orthodox.
"Leave us alone, or I'll take out your ex-wife and daughter." Heterosexual identity established at Minute 19, although his interest in the lady painting might count.
Scene 7: In the morning, Ugly Guy explains to his assistant Deidra how used bookstores work. Used copies of On the Road don't pay the bills; he lives for hefty sales to museums and universities.
Deidra wants a half day off tomorrow, because she's getting a tattoo of a lady part. This story isn't really about solving Dead Guy Dale's murder, is it?
At Magic City Books, where the ex-wife works, he claims that he'll be moving to an apartment in Brookside, so the daughter can live with him. Brookside is an upscale entertainment neighborhood, also the gay village, centered around the Equality Center.
Daughter refuses to move in with him; she's fine with hanging out at the bookstore. Ugly Guy is devastated.
Scene 8: Ugly Guy drops by Dead Guy Dale's estate sale. His wife is still living in the house, but they brought out a lot of his possessions. Ray (Michael Hitchcock), an antique dealer buddy, is there looking for good stuff.
Michael Hitchcock played the gay dad on Nobody Wants This, but his Instagram is loaded with pictures of hugging women, so I'm going to say straight in real life.
Ugly Guy wonders about Dead Guy Dale: black sheep of the family, everybody hates him, and suddenly he kills himself. Suspicious, right?
"Not at all," Ray protests. "He was gay, he was closeted, and he lived in Oklahoma. That would make me shoot myself twice." Decider says that Ray is gay, but this comment identifies him as straight, or maybe gay and not-closeted. "Plus his wife was a stripper who married up -- way, way up."
"You're the king of estate sales" Ugly Guy points out. "Can you tell from the stuff on sale if the Dead Guy was murdered or committed suicide?"
Scene 9: Dead Guy's study is off limits, so Ugly Guy sneaks in. I checked -- no gay books, just Westerns. There's a closet with leather outfits and a whip. That must be the kinky stuff Sweet Emily mentioned.Vickey, who apparently is organing the sale, comes in to playfully insult him. The actress tries valiantly to pretend that she's not repulsed as he zeroes in to flirt.
"I was looking for some rare first editions," Ugly Guy tells her.
"They're over there. But I have to wait outside, because if I stay in here for another moment, I'm gonna throw up." Come on, he's not that ugly.
Um...maybe she has a point.
When she leaves, Ugly Guy leafs through the Westerns and finds the note left by Dead Guy Dale: It says that there are clues to what happened scattered around various Western novels.
Whoops, Vicky tells him he has to leave, due to the family disapproving of his article. And she won't let him take the books with the clues.
Scene 10: Back to the Dead Guy's note: he continues: "I don't have nobody, not anymore. My family doesn't approve of my way of living." It's called an orientation, buddy. "Don't trust any of them."
In the morning, Ugly Guy sees his lawyer friend, to get the lady painting, and put the book with the note into the safe. "You want to go to lunch? There's a Lebanese place..." But Ugly Guy is already out the door. Aww....
Next stop, Ray the Antiques Dealer, to sell the painting. He bristles at the idea of buying a stolen painting, but finally comes around.
Ugly Guy hugs and fondles Ray to butter him up for one more request: go back to the estate sale, and buy all the books with clues in them. At least Ugly Guy isn't homophobic.
Scene 11: Ugly Guy talks to another buddy, the owner of a gentleman's club (lots of ladies in bikinis wandering around! Yuck!). He also has a magazine featuring "booty and bad guys." Ugly Guy pitches an article exposing the connection between the Washberg family and the skinheads.
"Nope."
"But the skinheads are involved in human trafficking."
Now his buddy is interested. "Ok, a thousand words by midnight tonight. It will pay $200."
And I'm out of space.
Beefcake: None. A lot of scantily clad ladies, if you like that sort of thing.Top photo: Justin Hurr has an uncredited role as a muscleman.
Heterosexism: Ugly Guy flirts with some ladies, but nothing serious.
Gay Characters: Ray, but he's only identifiable through gay-stereotype behavior in this episode.
My Grade: We barely got anything about Dale's murder, we never even met the guy running for governor, and two scenes, with the evil corporation and the "you're missing something" at the greasy spoon, are confusingly irrelevant. But Ugly Guy moves away from the loser-who-solves-crimes stereotype that we've seen in about 100 tv shows to date (Blue Ridge, The Bondsman, Tracker, Duster...) by being literary and having a gay buddy. C.
Tracker: Guy tracks missing people in scary states. Are any of them gay? Do any have beefcake pics?
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