"My Three Gay Sons and...ugh..Vance Simkins": A Jesse Gemstone Adventure with Guest Star Karl Montgomery

  

Link to the n*de dudes

October 18, 2025:

When Jesse walked into the media room, he saw Priscilla, Queen of the Desert on the big tv -- drag queens in the Australian outback -- and Pontius with his arms wrapped around someone.  They were kissing.

For a moment he thought it was a girl, proving that this "bi" stuff was just a phase.  But no, it was Stacy, the long-haired femme guy who was shot and almost killed at the Gator Farm Massacre.  How did he and Pontius manage to find each other?   

Sure, Stacy was a nice guy -- maybe too nice for his a*hole son.  But after Kelvin coming out, then Cousin Karl, then his friend Levi, plus both Daddy and Uncle Baby Billy mentioning gay romances in their past, and now Pontius. Who was next,  Martin?  Aunt May-May?  Jesse was getting a little tired of being an ally.

“Hey, cool off," he called down.  "Give your tongues a rest.  Is that all you ever do?”

Pontius raised his head.  “Of course not," he said with an evil grin.  "We do a lot of stuff. Wanna watch?”

"Don't be a smartalec.  You gonna go to the Queer Youth Game Night at Kelvin's house, or you gonna stay here and make out?"

"Stay here and make out?" Pontius asked, looking expectantly at Stacy.

"No, we're going. It's important for us to socialize with other queer youth."  He stood, took Pontius' hand, and pulled him to his feet.

"You're always going to get your way," Pontius said, smiling.  "If only you weren't so gosh-darned cute."

Gosh-darned?  Jesse thought.  Maybe Stacy is a good influence on him.  

"One more for the road," Stacy said, "And then we'd better get to that party."  He leaned up and kissed Pontius.

"Disgusting display!" 

It was Vance Simkins, the megachurch pastor whose homophobic rants almost pushed Kelvin back into the closet, before he rallied, came out on national television, and won the Top Christ Following Man of the Year Award.  

 “Who let you in?” Jesse asked, frowning.  "I defeated you in that duel, remember?  So stay on your own side of the state."

“The security station was letting everybody through, if they said they were coming for the party.  What party?"

“Kelvin and Keefe's Game Night," Jesse said, omitting the "queer."

But Vance caught on anyhow.  "Good thing I dropped by.  Is this one of them decadent parties with little holes in the wall, and guys hanging in stirrups? ”

“It’s just board games,” Stacy said.

"But the party you're planning sounds fun, too," Pontius added.  "Can Stace and I get an invitation?"

Vance grinned.  "Well, if it’s perfectly innocent, you won’t mind if I come along.”

“It’s for queer youth and their allies under age 25," Jesse said.  "Now, you’re obviously queer, but you haven't been 25 since...The Battle of Fort Sumter?”

"Besides," Stacy added, "A lot of the kids are traumatized by growing up in homophobic churches.  Some are closeted, worried that their parents will reject them, even kick them out of the house.  It's supposed to a safe space -- no  homophobes allowed."

“I am not a homophobe, young lady, or fella, or whatever you think you are.  I just want to see the kinds of games homo...um, queer youth play.  Or should I call the police and tell them about the illegal stuff going on in Kelvin's little den of iniquity?"

Jesse sighed.  He was probably bluffing, but... "Ok, Vance, you talked me into it.  We'll go over and check it out. Boys, you go on ahead.  We'll be there in a bit."

There were only two ways to get into the party: they had to either turn 21 again, or bring food.  Jesse dragged Vance to the kitchen, and they loaded up the two trays of lemon bars that Amber was planning to bring to the Marital Problem Group tomorrow -- he would drop by the all-night bakery and replace them later.  

They had to park on the lawn at Kelvin's house.  There were about a dozen cars parked outside, plus two church vans.  Assuming that they carpooled, Jesse estimated that there were about fifty teenagers and young adults at the party.  Hopefully none of them were kissing!

Kelvin's boyfriend Keefe answered the door with his fists raised.  "Pontius and Stacy told us you would be trying to get in.  But we don't allow homophobes."

"Down, boy!" Vance said with a laugh. "I promise to be on my best behavior."

"We're just dropping off some snacks for the group.  Two dozen lemon bars -- Amber and our housekeeper Tanya made them."

Keefe looked suspicious, but he dropped his fists.  "Well, I do love a good lemon bar. Come on in."

They carried the trays from the foyer into the formal parlor, where about twenty people were sitting in small groups.  Kelvin, leading what sounded like a Gay Trivia game, nodded at them.

"Hey, Buddy," Vance said, "Isn't that your son Geraldine?  The one who wants to be a preacher?"

It was definitely Gideon and his friend Clay, the Classics major -- really, who majored in Latin? -- sitting with their backs to them, playing a "How well do you know your partner" game with two girls, one with pink hair. 

"They must be here as allies.  See, they're with their girlfriends."  Why hadn't Gideon mentioned having a girlfriend?

The question was “What tv show does your partner watch, but feel guilty about?”  One of the girls guessed “Euphoria!”  The other:  “Wrong – the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.” 

Gideon’s turn: “Cobra Kai.”  Clay: “Cobra Kai!  You're right!”  They got the point.  They kissed.

Vance laughed.  "Why so surprised, Jesse?  Didn't you know that your son was gay?"

A few years ago, when Gideon was with Scotty, Jesse figured that they were a couple, and went out of his way to be accepting.  He announced "I love my gay son."  But Gideon said he wasn't gay...right?  Did he change his mind?

The full story, with n*de photos, is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

See also:  A Perfect Southern Gentleman: A Karl and Percy Romance

Gavin's Cute/Cool Photos, Part 3: A boy and his monkeys, a boy and his fish, n*de bikers, and bodybuilder buds

The Other Gemstone Brothers Stories:

Gideon Gemstone and the Return of Scotty Steele

Pontius Gemstone and the Boy Named Stacy.  With Stacy and Pontius doing it.

"Dad Can't Know I'm Gay": An Abraham Gemstone Romance, with a special appearance from Pontius and Stacy

Killing It, Episode 1.8: Does the Kingmaker like-like Brock? Are the Flo Boys brothers or boyfriends? And whose d*ck is that?

  

Link to the n*de dudes

Killing It (2021-23) stars Craig Robinson as a Florida schlep who tries to get rich by hunting pythons in the Everglades.  Scott MacArthur plays his frenemy, a seasoned python hunter.  The two have a sort of love-hate gay-subtext relationship, but I'm going to review Episode 1.8, "The Kingmaker," which gives us Brock's back story.

Scene 1: 2016. Brock and his wife are celebrating their anniversary, discussing how much activity they're going to have tonight.  Whoops, they forgot that their son Corby (Wyatt Walter) is sitting at the table with them. Why bring your son to your anniversary dinner?  Have him order a pizza. 

Brock is a manager now, so they'll be able to buy a house.  Never say that on tv, or you're doomed.

 Uh-oh, phone call: It's the Boss, firing him for incompetence.  Brock switches from begging not to be fired to yelling "F*k F*k F*k!"

Scene 2: 2018. Brock is lying in bed, talking to himself about how great he is: "I can kill a python with my bare hands!" But he's also sensitive; he cries when he thinks of his mother passing -- "women eat that stuff up."  He appeals to all four quadrants: kings, queens, teens, tweens, and men."  Aren't the kings men?  He just needs a partner to help monetize his fan base.

Son Corby asks why he's been sleeping in the guest room for the last month, and suggests marital counseling, but nope: "Your mother and I are fine."

Scene 3: At breakfast, Brock suggests a video where he's out catching pythons in open jeans, so viewers can see his backside-- a tactic sure to draw followers.  His wife thinks that his goal of becoming an influencer is misguided, but he insists: one guy makes $190,000 a year letting spiders bite him.  

"Is he hot?"

"Um...yeah, incredibly hot, but...is that important?"  Brock is bi.

He's got a meeting with viral marketing pros today that will make his career. 

Scene 3: While driving Corby to school, Brock tries to bond by bragging about the big car they're going to get when he's internet-rich, but "I don't care what kind of car you drive."  This depresses Brock: "WHen I was a kid, I worshipped my Dad."

Scene 4: Brock giving his pitch at the Viral Marketing Agency.  "We want you to be sponsored by a major tobacco company."

"Fine, no moral qualms here. I'm not some fucking weird-ass pussy."  I forgot to mention that Brock is a terrible person.  They all are.

Actually, they want him to cast negative social attention on vaping, so kids will try cigarettes instead: use a vape pen all day, while secretly taking poison, so: "Your liver will give out, but you won't die, as long as you get to the hospital in time."  It pays $8,000.

"Don't you have any regular advertising, like gloves?"

You need a million followers for that, and he only has 150,000.

Scene 5: A depressed Brock looks at one of his python-catching Youtube videos, and wonders why it has only 150 views. He accidentally clicks on the Flo Boys (Chris Mason, Luke Mullen), whose video got 1,000,000 views in an hour.  They're a Christian prankster team: after they pray, they dare Intern Kyle (Trey Best) to eat some mace-covered chicken wings. He runs away sobbing.

Chris Mason's d*ck is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends.

Luke Mullen played the first identified gay character on a Disney Channel program, in Andi Mack.  He mentions a girlfriend in an interview, but his Instagram is full of pictures with male friends.

Back to Killing It:

Brock calls his son Corby and shows him the video.  "Look who's sitting with the Boys -- Kevin Brailing, the Kingmaker!"  He's got 120 million subscribers; he can make or break online influencers.  

Cut to the Kingmaker being interviewed. "I can get anyone 2 million followers," he announces.  The downside: he's making content constantly, with no time for shopping or having friends.

The Flo Boys are based in Miami, which means that the Kingmaker is in Miami right now!  

Scene 6: While on the way to the Flo Boys' house, Brock gets a call from the Viral Marketing people: some boys in Ohio got poisoned from vaping, so theyr'e going to use them instead. 

He yells: "Lose my number.  My life has value.  I have a family, I have talent, and i'm on my way to a meeting.

Crash, explosion!

More after the break

"Young Mazino": The straight guy in "Beef" and "The End of Us," with nine queer hints, some n*de photos, and Missoula, Montana

You have probably seen Young Mazino as Paul Cho, the intensely girl-crazy younger brother of focus character Danny Cho (Steven Yeun) in the road rage-escalation drama Beef (2023). 

Or as Jesse, one of the leaders of the community of Jackson, Wyoming in the zombie Apocalypse The Last of Us (2024-5), whose ex-girlfriend starts dating focus character Ellie.

Two intensely heterosexual characters, but at least they gave us some n*de photos. And maybe there's some gay potential in his other work or his biography.

Young is a first generation Korean-American, born in Silver Spring, Maryland in 1991.  

His family is very conservative. Dad works as a computer engineer, but has a Ph.D. in Theology, and promoted the hegemonic masculinity "boys don't cry," "be tough" stuff.  He disapproved of Young's artistic interest and  pushed him into martial arts, where he received a black belt in Taekwondo.

Queer hint #1: Dad doesn't think he's masculine enough.

His mother offered quiet, behind-the-scenes support, but otherwise his interest in the arts resulted in hostility, rejection, and hatred. 

Queer hint #2: The artistic, musical outcast kid is usually gay

 He was active in the church (he doesn't say which, but there are eight Korean churches near Silver Spring, including Presbyterian, Wesleyan, and Baptist).  At age 17, he visited Korea as part of a church-based symphony. He played the violin.

After watching Daniel Dae Kim on Lost and Steven Yeun on The Walking Dead, he dreamed of becoming an actor, but the parents, community, and church disapproved. So he tried the heterosexist trajectory, college-business major-money-making job, and enrolled at the University of Maryland, Baltimore County.

Queer Hint #3: That same trajectory was pushed at me, but it was "job-house-wife-kids." 

Young wanted to be true to himself, so in 2014 he dropped out of college and moved to New York. While studying at the Stella Adler School of Acting, he worked in corporate finance: Senior Business Intelligence Analyst at LVMH Moët Hennessy Louis Vuitton SE, a French company specializing in luxury goods.  How did he get such a prestigious job with no college degree?

Queer Hint #4: He was working in beauty products

He also did some modeling and appeared in some short films, mostly playing guys who get girls. 

In 2018, the grind of corporate job, acting classes, and auditions became too much, so Young dropped it all and moved to California.

Queer hint #5: This is the standard trajectory for the Great Gay Migration.       

More after the break

Adults, Episode 1.1: "Friends" 2025, with racial diversity, a gay guy who dates women, and some backsides.

  

Adults (2025), a tv comedy with another title that will be impossible to research, has just dropped on FX/Hulu: some 20-somethings sharing an apartment.  Sounds like Friends (1994-2004).  20 years later, will they be able to avoid the problematic gender roles, homophobia, fat-shaming, racism, and so on?

Scene 1: New York City, the raunchy F-train that leads to Jamaica Station.  The gang tells Samir to call someone to fix the shower; it's getting bad.  Just shower at the gym.  That's what I do. 

They're all cuddling, but two of the girls are playing with their boyfriends' body parts, marking them as heterosexual couples.  Maybe the remaining guy is gay.

Back story: They all live in Samir's parents' house. 

Uh-oh, it's happening again: an old guy in a suit is doing stuff.  They discuss what to do.  Call a mental health provider?  Yell at him?  Issa pretends that she doing stuff, too, to embarrass him, but that just turns him on.  She tries harder...

Cut to the group walking home, trying to console Issa: "He didn't finish, I swear."  Turns out that Issa is Samir's sister.  Think Ross and Monica.

Scene 2:  At the house, Billie and her boyfriend Anton (Owen Thiele)  are going through old photos, looking for the one where Samir "looks a little gay."  That's homophobic.  The only way to look gay is to make out with someone of the same sex.  They mean "looks femme." 

Issa and her boyfriend come downstairs and kiss as he leaves.  Then she argues with Sammy about whether Paul Baker (Jack Inanen, left) can move in.  Sammy's boyfriend? There is no Sammy listed in the IMDB.  Maybe she means Samir.

No, it turns out that Paul Baker is Issa's boyfriend, the one she just kissed, always called by his full name. . So if Billie and her boyfriend get to live there, why can't Issa live with Paul Baker?

Got the couples down?  It's Samir alone, his sister Issa-Paul Baker, and his college roommate Anton-Billie.

They're all distracted by a news story about Kyle Haberman coming forward to reveal that he was assaulted.  They hate him: he always orders drinks, but doesn't pay for them.  But now, because he is a victim, they have to be nice to him.

Scene 3: CSB Bank.  Samir (Mark Elassal) comes into to pay Peter's Heaters to fix the boiler in the house, but they only take checks, and he doesn't have a checking account?  That makes no sense.  Who writes checks anymore?  I can't remember the last time I used a pen.  

Afterwards Billie brings him a carob muffin. His girlfriend?  But she was fondling Anton on the subway.

Samir: "I thought the world would be waiting for me, and instead everyone is annoyed that I'm here."

No one told you life was gonna be this way. Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA....

She ignores him to give a Kyle update: $200,000 payout, and he is "the V of our G." She clarifies for viewers who were born in the last century: "Voice of Our Generation." 

They discuss how the boss came up to him at work and grabbed him. "Most men don't even realize when they've crossed a line."  This makes Samir nervous; maybe he accidentally crossed a line?   He doesn't specify gender, and he's the only housemate who wasn't fondling anyone on the subway.  Maybe he's gay.

Billie reassures him: "You are a baby angel...and kind of a bitch boy."  That's the sort of term you would use with a gay guy.

More after the break

Matthew Underwood: The "Zoey 101" It-Boy Logan plays himself again and again...and again, posts d*ck pics. With bonus Noah Beck

  

Link to the n*de dudes

The internet was all agog over d*ck pics of Matthew Underwood, aka Logan on Zoey 101.  I wasn't impressed.  First, the guy doens't even show his face.  Second, he rubs me the wrong way.  I can't quite remember how.

Oh, yeah.  It's that annoying smugness.  It's one thing to be heterosexual -- lots of guys are.  It's another to brag about it.  "I'm so entirely heterosexual, I'm the most heterosexual of all heterosexuals, I can heterosexualize anywhere, anytime.  Every girl wants to be with me, and every guy wants to be me."  

It's not just the character he plays: this post came directly from Matt's Instagram in 2025.

Born in "The Sunshsine State of Florida" in 1990, Matt began acting at the age of eight, and appeared on screen in some guest spots before hitting paydirt in Zoey 101 (2005-08).

Zoey (Jamie Lynn Spears) and her brother Dustin (Paul Butcher) are students at the prestigious Pacific Coast Academy, filmed on location in Malibu instead of on a sound stage.  Her coterie includes:

1. Logan (Matthew Underwood),  the fabulously wealthy son of a famous actor, an it-boy who is basking in the absurdly exaggerated longing of every girl who sees him.  Eventually he settles down with the nerd Quinn (see, looks aren't everything).

2. Chase (Sean Flynn, left), in love with Zoey but trapped in the "friend zone."  Eventually, she realizes that she is in love with him, but then she leaves him again.

2. Michael (Christopher Massey, right), mostly in charge of advising Chase to admit his feelings, although he eventually gets a girlfriend of his own.

Matt reveals that just after Zoey, when he was 19, he was harassed and then assaulted by his agent. The trauma prompted him to move away from Los Angeles and retire from acting.

He returned in 2017 to direct and star in two tv pilots with Sean Flynn, playing themselves: The Magic Studio, about kids who find magic rings, and The Golden Stars, about missing award statues. 

And some shorts: Time Hoppers (2018), Matt and Sebastian Cabanas  in silly costumes.

The Alien (2019): Matt, playing himself, and some girls meet a classic grey.

The Unicorn Sisters (2019): Matt helps some grieving girls write poetry. 

Kind of full of yourself, aren't you, Matt?

He appears with some girls in Remi (2021) and with the entire Zoey gang in the Jamie Spears music video Follow Me (2020).

Noah Beck plays an alternative Logan. 

Matt returned to the Zoey universe in Zoey 102 (2023): A struggling 32 year old film producer, Zoey is asked to be maid of honor at Quinn and Logan's wedding.  It took them 14 years to get married?  She also resolves her feelings for Chase.  After 14 years, he's moved on, girlfriend.

Matt's social media is mostly generic, landscapes, weird jokes, boating, pictures taken with the Zoey gang. He is currently single, his last heterosexual relationship (that he told fans about) in 2015. 

Three pics of Matt's d*ck and one of Noah's are on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

Not bad, but I'd rather see Noah Beck's abs.

See also: Shane Harper: the "Good Luck Charlie" and "God's Not Dead" guy shows his d*ck surprisingly often

Nathan Kress, Freddie from ICarly, grown up. Is he still homophobic? Is he still shy about showing his stuff?

"Malibu Rescue": Ricardo Hurtado hits the beach for a retro 1980s nerd-jock battle, with bonus lifeguard photos

Jeremy T. Thomas: The creepy kid from "Antlers" and Baby Billy's son turns 18 and shows us his....

In Righteous Gemstones Seasons 1-2, flashbacks to 1989 and 1993 show Baby Billy having trouble dealing with his special needs son, Harmon (Jeremy T. Taylor), and finally abandoning him in a shopping mall at Christmas time.  In 2022, he reconciles with the adult Harmon, now played by Macaulay Culkin.

As of this writing, Jeremy T. Taylor is 18 years old, 5'0", and femme, so he qualifies for a profile.

 He was born on July 3, 2006 in Atlanta, and studied with the Charlie Group beginning at age five.   He began on-screen acting in a 2014 episode of Your Worst Nightmare, and played a schoolboy in Dolly Parton's Coat of Many Colors (2015), about Dolly Parton growing up in rural Tennessee.  Ricky Schroder played her father, and Jennifer Nettles (Aimee-Leigh Gemstone) her mother.  

I researched Parker Sack, who played her brother David, but came up with two beefcake photos in an instagram full of bikini babes. It's getting a little heteronormative in here.

In "Unboxed," Episode 1.6 of Lore (2017), the lonely, friendless, and creepy Gene Otto (Jeremy) receives a life sized doll that turns out to be...you guessed it...alive, sentient, and evil, killing anyone that Gene quarrels with.  Finally they lock it in a trunk in the attic. Years later, the grown up Gene (Michael Patrick Lane) returns to the house with his new wife...and they quarrel...

Michael Patrick Lane looks like he has some n*de photos online, but I couldn't find any.

Next came a short, One Last Hit, synopsis unavailable, and a guest spot on Paradise Lost, about a man who returns to his terrible home town in the South to uncover dark secrets.

Josh Hartnett plays focus character Yates Forsythe.  What an old-money 1% name!   

Josh has some n*de photos from Penny Dreadful online,  plus shots where he is kissing either a man or a woman who looks like a man.

Jeremy's biggest role to date is Antlers (2021).  It's not available to stream, but the plot synopsis sounds creepy: in a gloomy, rainy town, 12-year old weird kid Lucas (Jeremy) kills small animals to bring to his father and brother, who are locked in the attic because they are turning into monsters.  There are also bullies.  A caring teacher (Keri Russell) and her brother, the sheriff (Jesse Plemons), suspect abuse, and try to help.  

The sheriff is not canonically gay, but having a brother and sister in the lead instead of "will they or won't they?" is very unusual, and Jesse Plemons did play a gay character in Other People (2016), So maybe there's some queer coding.

Jeremy's only other on-screen roles are a video game voiceover, two episodes of The Righteous Gemstones (2019, 2022), and an episode of The Resident (2022), playing a boy "with a rare disease that leaves his bones incredibly fragile."  

Jeremy does actually have Osteogenesis Imperfecta, which results in brittle bones.  But that doesn't stop him from being athletic.  When he weas nine years old, he was featured on Good Morning, America, hitting a home run with his teacher helping him run the bases.  According to his resume, he is skilled at bowling, cycling, golf, running, kayaking, hula hoop, and jetski.

Is there a lot of call for actors who can hula hoop?

More after the break

"Sinners": Twin brothers fight vampires and klansmen in the Mississippi Delta. With Yao wang and Jordan junk

 

Link to the n*de dudes

For movie night this weekend, we actually went to a movie in a theater, for a change: Sinners (2025), about twin brothers fighting vampires in the Mississippi Delta in 1932.

The first hour is quite naturalistic: Smoke and Stack (Michael B. Jordan in a dual role) return to the Deep Delta from their gangster career in Chicago with a lot of money and Irish booze, buy the old abandoned mill from a klansman who says he's not a klansman, and organize a juke party. We get the sense of the vast emptiness of the cotton fields, and the terror of everyday life for African-Americans in the Jim Crow South.  

You had to be very careful; glance at or speak to a white woman, accidentally bump into a white man, and you would be attacked.  Gay people live with a similar fear -- hold hands with your boyfriend or display a Pride flag, and you could get attacked or killed.  But at least heteronormativity results in most gay people being assumed straight, so they can keep hidden in the riskiest situations.  Most African-Americans could not.

The brothers pick up Preacher Boy (Miles Caton), who is torn between the church and the guitar (which his Preacher father calls Satanic).  After he agrees to perform tonight, they split up.  

Stack and Preacher Boy go to town, where they recurit another performer, the elderly, alcoholic Delta Slim (Delroy Lindo).

They hire shopkeeper Bo Chow (Yao) to make up signs and fry the catfish.

Left: Malaysian actor Yao received a MFA from Yale University in 2023.  He played a gay character in #LookatMe (2022).

They pull Cornbread (Omar Miller) from the cotton fields to act as bouncer.

The brothers are so intimate that I was sure that one or both would be gay, but heteronormativity is running rampant.  Both of them, and Preacher Boy, get girlfriends, whom they have s*x with, one after the other.

1. Stack with his ex-girlfriend Mary, who is an octaroon (one-eighth black), so Jim Crow laws still apply to her.

2. Smoke with his estranged wife Annie (Wummi Musaku).  She's rather old , so I thought she was his mother until they started doing things.  

She's also quite butch, so I figured that the actress must be a lesbian. LezWatch says that she is cisgender, unspecified s*xual identity, but she has played at least three queer characters.

3. Preacher Boy with Pearline, a married singer.  Fortunately, her husband isn't around. 

It keeps going like that.  Bo Chow has a wife (we learn their favorite s*xual activity).  Cornbread has a pregnant wife.  Delroy Slim isn't married, but discusses the hetero exploits of his youth.

Left: Michael A. Newcomer, who plays a bartender in a white joint, is gay in real life.  

Vampires after the break

Dakota Lotus: The Disney Channel's Coop sings, shows his pitts, brings on Christmas depression. With ice cream, Peltz tush, and Dakota d*cks

I was searching for former Disney teencom stars to profile, and this guy popped up.  

A great name: Dakota Lotus.  

And a great physique.

Unattractive face, but with biceps like that, who cares?

And obviously gay: his Instagram posts show him hugging, gazing at, dancing with, and asking to pitt-lick a boyfriend named Joaquin.

Wait -- that was just a tease.  The other 1,360 pics and reels show Dakota with a girl, hugging, kissing, frolicking in London, posing in formal wear, eating, celebrating Valentin'e's Day, and saying things like "I've never met anyone like you" and "you don't meet your soulmate by chance."

Ok, so he's straight.  But no doubt he's done a lot of gay and gay-subtext roles.  

Dakota was born in 2004 in Santa Barbara, where his mom Autum Lotus performed for the Cirque de Soleil.  He started classes at  the Adderly School for Performing Arts when he was only five years old, and appeared in an unspecified number of plays.  The only one mentioned in his bio is Peter Pan and Tinker Bell: A Pirate's Christmas at the Laguna Playhouse in 2019.

Dakota played John Darling, one of the young Darling kids, who gets to play pirates and sing.  Meanwhile Peter (Lincoln Clauss) is torn between girl-next-door Wendy and pixie-licious Tinker Bell.  

Lincoln Clauss is gay in real life, and played the nonbinary Evan on Batwoman.

Dakota's first on-screen acting job was in the Disney Channel's Coop & Cami Ask the World (2018-20): Dakota as Coop and Ruby Rose Turner as Cami host a show within a show, Would You Wrather?, in which fans get to solve their problems by voting on two options, or vote on what prank they should do (the wikipedia article is unclear).  

Their friend Fred (Albert Tsai), younger brother (Paxton Booth), and widowed Mom all have problems, too.  

Left: Paxton Booth.  I just liked the ice cream cone.

All of them are heterosexual, and get one or more boyfriends or girlfriends.  Cami's two boyfriends are played by heterosexual actors who fill their social media with pictures of their girlfriends and wives.  Actually, all of them do, except for Albert Tsai, now a Film & Media Studies major at Columbia University.

More after the break

The "Righteous Gemstones" Episode 2.6 s*x scene, a frame-by-frame analysis

 

In case you're new here, The Righteous Gemstones is a HBO Max sitcom about the famous, ultra-rich televangelist Eli Gemstone and his three children, who live in separate mansions on his compound and get into constant squabbles and scrapes.  But of course they love each other deep-down.  Kelvin (Adam Devine) is the youngest son, 29-34 years old during the four seasons, a muscle enthusiast who usually works in the low-prestige teen ministry, and has to constantly prove himself.  Keefe (Tony Cavalero), a former Satanist whom he saved, is his boyfriend.  

Kelvin has a standard fiction coming-out process, one that we've seen a hundred times in movies and tv-shows.

Season 1: Falling in love with his best friend, sexual experiences, feeling guilty, denial, then recognizing that he is gay.

Season 2: Becoming obsessed with the *rotic, refusisng to admit that he and Keefe are romantic partners, eventually coming around and coming out to the family.

Season 3: Trying hard to stay in the closet, refusing to call Keefe his boyfriend, leading to their breakup and reconciliation, and a kiss.  

The problem is, up to the Season 3 kiss and even after, many viewers insisted that the two were straight buddies.  The queer codes were all misdirections or misreadings.

Which brings us to Season 2, Episode 6: Kelvin is standing n*aked in front of the mirror; distraught:  he has lost the respect of the God Squad, his cadre of muscle men; his father hates him; he is worthless, nothing, no better than a beast.  Keefe suggests that he will feel better if he gets dressed for the day.  His hands are broken, so Keefe will have to dress him.

What happens next is about as explicit as a s*x scene can get on television, yet some viewers insisted that Keefe is just helping Kelvin on with his underwear.  Even after Season 4, when they two are out as boyfriends and eventually get married, viewers insist that they didn't do any bedroom stuff until the after the wedding.  

Maybe a frame-by-frame analysis will convince them.

The frame-by-frame analysis is on  RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

Or see my review of the whole episode: Gemstones Episode 2.6: Yep, they have s*x. Plus Judy grows a heart, Torsten a brain, and Amber the noive.

The Hogan Family: Which heartthob was your favorite, Jason, Jeremy, or Danny?

During the 1980s, the buzzword was "family values," which meant that only people who had heterosexual nuclear families had value. We heard again and again that the only life worth living involved husbands and wives raising horny teenager and wisecracking preteens.  That's why Married...with Children was such a big hit, immersed in a pool of Family Ties, Family Matters, Growing Pains, The Wonder Years, and The Cosby Show.  

But there was a glimmer of inclusivity in The Hogan Family (1986-91), which began as Valerie, a star vehicle for Mary Tyler Moore Show second banana Valerie Harper  She played the matriarch of a nuclear family consisting of airline pilot husband Michael Hogan (Josh Taylor, left), horny teenager David (17-year old Jason Bateman, previously of It's Your Move and Silver Spoons), and wisecracking twins who looked nothing alike Mark (15-year old Jeremy Licht) and Willie (15-year old Danny Ponce).

After a season and a half, Harper left in the midst of a salary dispute -- and proved not indispensible.  Her character was killed, Aunt Sandy (Sandy Duncan) moved in, and the renamed series got top ratings for another three years.

As is common in nuclear family sitcoms, the kids soon took over.  The twins usually had episodes involving cheating, bullies, staying out past curfew, friends (notably Andre Gower), and the "discovery of girls."  By the last season, they were as heterosexually active as David.

Jeremy Licht had soft, androgynous features, and became the darling of the teen magazines.

More after the break