N0S4A2: A Gay Vampire, Abused Kids, and the World's Worst Title (try pretending that it's a word, not a licence plate)

Gay men are always accused of being child molestors, child abductors, corruptors of youth, generally obsessed with destroying children.  So why not make a tv series about a vampire-like being who preys on children, and hire a gay man as the star?

What, you couldn't find a Jewish actor to play a villain who bakes Christian children into passover matzah?

So we have Zachary Quinto, under various degrees of stage makeup, playing Charlie Manx in NOS4A2, probably the world's worst title (try pretending that it's a word, not a license plate), He's an immortal vampire-like being who drives around in a Groovy Ghoulie wraith-mobile, grabs children from their beds, sucks their...um, souls...and deposits the leftovers in the cheery-macabre Christmasland.

But he only grabs children who are being abused.  To save them, see?

He just finished luring Daniel (Asher Miles Fallica) from his bed (and killing his abusive  parents) in stereotyped small-town Here, Iowa, where the sky is always gray and everyone dresses like they live in the 1930s Dust Bowl.

Enter the psychic-powered Vic McQueen (Ashleigh Cummings), an abused teenager from the redneck backwater town of Haverhill, Massachusetts, who uses a covered bridge as a portal to transport her anywhere.

Anywhere?  How about Paris?  Or Mumbai?

No, she ends up in Here, Iowa.  She teams up with local Marian the Librarian Maggie Leigh (Jankara Smith), who has psychic powers of her own.

Meanwhile Manx rolls into town and recruits hulking, dimwitted school custodian Bing Partridge Ólafur Darri Ólafsson), who also had abusive parents. Noticing a pattern here?  Recalling his own painful past, Bing is eager to join Manx in his quest to "rescue" children.

School custodians as secret child molesters?  Shades of Freddy Krueger.

That's as far as I got. I've already read  Stephen King's It, The Shining, and some of his other novels about abused kids with psychic powers going after the Ultimate Evil. Except his stories are...um...scary.  Or at least semi-interesting.  This is deadly dull.  Come on, how hard is it to make a child-abducting vampire-like being who drives a wraith scary?

(Fun fact: the series is based on a novel by John Hill, Stephen King's son).

Plus the color palette is so washed out that it's unpleasant to watch.  Every scene is a chore.

Heterosexism/Homophobia: Child-abduction and murder stories are always heterosexist, extolling the safety, warmth, and "innocence" of heterosexual reproduction and demonizing those men who are bereft of wives and kids.  No one actually states that Charlie Manx is gay, but does anyone need to?

Gay characters: In the novel, Manx is straight, Vic is bisexual but involved with a man, Bing is bisexual (raping both men and women), and Maggie is apparently gay.  I'm sure they will both be heterosexualized for the tv series.

Beefcake: These people are all grimy, grungy, unshaven, and generally unpleasant.  But by scrounging around the cast list on IMDB, I found some passibly cute guys:
1. Ebon-Moss Bachrach as Vic's abusive father.

2. Dalton Harrod as Craig, who I think is Vic's boyfriend back in redneck Massachusetts.

3. Rarmian Newton (great name!) as Drew.  I don't know who Drew is, but he has an ample basket, so who cares?

I doubt that the basket will be appearing on the show, however.

My grade: F